Seperation Anxiety - Help!
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  1. #1
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    Feb 2019
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    Default Seperation Anxiety - Help!

    Hi all
    I'm desperate for some advice please.
    I have recently started to look after a little one who is 14 months old. She was born prematurely so is still tiny and cannot crawl yet. She is the most adorable baby if I am sitting right next to her or holding her, but the second I walk away (even if it just to the end of the room) she screams the place down, not just whinging but full blown screaming. She will not go to sleep unless she is rocked to sleep (which I am happy to do), but as soon as she is put down her eyes fly open and the screaming starts again and it does not stop until I pick her up again. If I do actually manage to put her down without waking, she lasts about 5-10 minutes before shes awake (she will sleep for at least an hour if I'm holding her) and is then constantly crying because she is still tired.
    I look after two other lo's who never usually cry, but now they are getting upset at the constant screaming and have started to join in! It is so difficult to do anything that it is affecting the care of my original two lo's and it is not fair on them.
    After speaking to her mum it transpires that mum had virtually carried her around in a sling since she was brought home, she is still breastfed to sleep at home and sleeps in the parents bed. I have explained that I feel her lo should have been prepared for sleeping without the feed before starting at my setting and have suggested that she should also be doing some sort of seperation technique at home but it is falling on deaf ears.
    Mum also let slip that another cm had said no after a few settling in days, so I feel annoyed that she didn't inform me of the issues before choosing me.
    I am trying really hard to do seperation techniques, peek a boo games etc, but my question is, is it actually possible to conquer any of this in my setting if the parents are not willing to try and do the same at home? I feel that the lo is just going to be really confused making her even more upset when she is with me.
    I am beginning to think that a nursery might be a better option as they will have more staff for constant one on one attention.
    Any advice would be so much appreciated!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peachy1 View Post
    Hi all
    I'm desperate for some advice please.
    I have recently started to look after a little one who is 14 months old. She was born prematurely so is still tiny and cannot crawl yet. She is the most adorable baby if I am sitting right next to her or holding her, but the second I walk away (even if it just to the end of the room) she screams the place down, not just whinging but full blown screaming. She will not go to sleep unless she is rocked to sleep (which I am happy to do), but as soon as she is put down her eyes fly open and the screaming starts again and it does not stop until I pick her up again. If I do actually manage to put her down without waking, she lasts about 5-10 minutes before shes awake (she will sleep for at least an hour if I'm holding her) and is then constantly crying because she is still tired.
    I look after two other lo's who never usually cry, but now they are getting upset at the constant screaming and have started to join in! It is so difficult to do anything that it is affecting the care of my original two lo's and it is not fair on them.
    After speaking to her mum it transpires that mum had virtually carried her around in a sling since she was brought home, she is still breastfed to sleep at home and sleeps in the parents bed. I have explained that I feel her lo should have been prepared for sleeping without the feed before starting at my setting and have suggested that she should also be doing some sort of seperation technique at home but it is falling on deaf ears.
    Mum also let slip that another cm had said no after a few settling in days, so I feel annoyed that she didn't inform me of the issues before choosing me.
    I am trying really hard to do seperation techniques, peek a boo games etc, but my question is, is it actually possible to conquer any of this in my setting if the parents are not willing to try and do the same at home? I feel that the lo is just going to be really confused making her even more upset when she is with me.
    I am beginning to think that a nursery might be a better option as they will have more staff for constant one on one attention.
    Any advice would be so much appreciated!
    Hi IF you can hang in there and it is a big 'if' I know it will be worth it in the end. I took on an 8th month old in a very similar situation but because I have an assistant I could concentrate nearly 100% on her. Now she is 1 and is practically over all the anxiety and is a joy to look after. Maybe mention to mum that her baby would be better off by going to either a nursery as you suggested or a childminder who does not work alone. Another option is to actually hold her all day while still carrying on as usual (very hard) but if mum won't listen you can give notice and then she will have to find an alternative.

  3. #3
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    Feb 2019
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    Red face Re Seperation Advice

    Quote Originally Posted by chris goodyear View Post
    Hi IF you can hang in there and it is a big 'if' I know it will be worth it in the end. I took on an 8th month old in a very similar situation but because I have an assistant I could concentrate nearly 100% on her. Now she is 1 and is practically over all the anxiety and is a joy to look after. Maybe mention to mum that her baby would be better off by going to either a nursery as you suggested or a childminder who does not work alone. Another option is to actually hold her all day while still carrying on as usual (very hard) but if mum won't listen you can give notice and then she will have to find an alternative.

    Thank you, it's good to know it can be conquered! I have considered carrying her around but just dont think its fair on the othe two lo's as they are both only just over 12 mts and need cuddles too. I will keep trying with the constant reassurances for now and will need to have another chat with mum if it doesnt start taking some effect soon. Thanks again

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peachy1 View Post
    Thank you, it's good to know it can be conquered! I have considered carrying her around but just dont think its fair on the othe two lo's as they are both only just over 12 mts and need cuddles too. I will keep trying with the constant reassurances for now and will need to have another chat with mum if it doesnt start taking some effect soon. Thanks again
    Definitely hang in there. The little one is still getting used to you/your setting and, if born prem, potentially has separation and attachment issues as a result, especially if they were in an incubator for a while.
    Do consider using a sling for as long as it takes for them to build up trust with you. This doesn't mean you can't give the other children cuddles and it does mean you have your hands spare to get on with everything else you need to do. You aren't pandering or making a rod for your own back or any other phrases you might here, and neither are the parents (though better communication from them would have been helpful!) - what you are doing is meeting their needs in the most effective way possible. As they become more settled you can work on them sitting on your knee to play, then ext to you and so on, and once they are mobile it often gets easier.

 

 

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