Seperation anxiety / upset babas

**Mynewventure** · 05-11-2015, 01:53 PM

Hello I have 1 year old twins & have since June this year . They are both crawling & cruising now which is fantastic as they were 3 months perm. My little big problem is I could previously make the lunch , put nappies in bin , wash up lunch bits or go to the loo . However in last 3/4 weeks I can't do this without them crying . Getting upset or desperately following me & pulling at my legs where ever I go . It's adorable I know & its wonderful they have attached to me so well , however I'm
So drained & tired plus looking after toddlers , I can't even do a wee without them crying & banging the door . I've brought it up a few times to mummy & daddy ( as they do pick up drop off alternative days & A few little things have been said .. "Daddy said they do this at home all th time & follow him everywhere until mummy gets home at 6:30 , so he said he has to put them in anothet room & shut the door , he said they usually calm down quickly & stop crying . He also said they bang on door ? Then Mummy has said a few weeks ago she has brought a play pen as she just can't get on with stuff at home , Or she puts the tv on while they are strapped in highchair in morning while she has shower & gets ready. I know this is seems normal but these babies were so settled before , they are like different babies lately.

Do you think any of this is contributing to crying ? I hardly leave them or I talk to them to tell them I'm leaving the room & I'm overfly happy & positive when I come back.

Any advice please ? I'm so upset for them I've never seen them so distressed when they can't see me & mine were not like this . Thanks so much

**mumofone** · 06-11-2015, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by Mynewventure

Hello I have 1 year old twins & have since June this year . They are both crawling & cruising now which is fantastic as they were 3 months perm. My little big problem is I could previously make the lunch , put nappies in bin , wash up lunch bits or go to the loo . However in last 3/4 weeks I can't do this without them crying . Getting upset or desperately following me & pulling at my legs where ever I go . It's adorable I know & its wonderful they have attached to me so well , however I'm So drained & tired plus looking after toddlers , I can't even do a wee without them crying & banging the door . I've brought it up a few times to mummy & daddy ( as they do pick up drop off alternative days & A few little things have been said .. "Daddy said they do this at home all th time & follow him everywhere until mummy gets home at 6:30 , so he said he has to put them in anothet room & shut the door , he said they usually calm down quickly & stop crying . He also said they bang on door ? Then Mummy has said a few weeks ago she has brought a play pen as she just can't get on with stuff at home , Or she puts the tv on while they are strapped in highchair in morning while she has shower & gets ready. I know this is seems normal but these babies were so settled before , they are like different babies lately. Do you think any of this is contributing to crying ? I hardly leave them or I talk to them to tell them I'm leaving the room & I'm overfly happy & positive when I come back. Any advice please ? I'm so upset for them I've never seen them so distressed when they can't see me & mine were not like this . Thanks so much

I've got one that cries badly when I leave the room, even if they can still see me. It makes it tough going to the loo, changing another's nappy etc as you say, ive no advice as have the same problem but watching with interest! :-) xx

**lollipop kid** · 06-11-2015, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by Mynewventure

... he said he has to put them in anothet room & shut the door , he said they usually calm down quickly & stop crying . He also said they bang on door ? Then Mummy has said a few weeks ago she has brought a play pen as she just can't get on with stuff at home , Or she puts the tv on while they are strapped in highchair in morning while she has shower & gets ready. I know this is seems normal but these babies were so settled before , they are like different babies lately.

These two things said by parents, and the sudden change in behaviour are ringing alarm bells with me.

I would certainly write these down as individual records of concern and keep an eye on the children.

If you feel you can speak frankly to the parents, I would be gently reminding the parents that it is not safe to leave a child unattended in a highchair. Nor is it safe to shut them in a room on their own. It could be that this is enough to stop the parents doing this. Or they may just stop telling you ???

If you are concerned, you could always call "NSPCC" in confidence and get advice, or your LA childminding representative, if you have one for advice (even before you speak to the parents).

Keep records and get advice asap.

I hope it is nothing, but it sounds like these parents may need a bit more support. The playpen does't worry me if it is supervised (what if a child bites the other???)

I hope someone more knowledgable than me comes along soon, but with my 'safeguarding' hat on, I would say you are right to be concerned and mindful now.

All the best,

LK

Simona · 06-11-2015, 01:47 PM

Originally Posted by Mynewventure

Hello I have 1 year old twins & have since June this year . They are both crawling & cruising now which is fantastic as they were 3 months perm. My little big problem is I could previously make the lunch , put nappies in bin , wash up lunch bits or go to the loo . However in last 3/4 weeks I can't do this without them crying . Getting upset or desperately following me & pulling at my legs where ever I go . It's adorable I know & its wonderful they have attached to me so well , however I'm
So drained & tired plus looking after toddlers , I can't even do a wee without them crying & banging the door . I've brought it up a few times to mummy & daddy ( as they do pick up drop off alternative days & A few little things have been said .. "Daddy said they do this at home all th time & follow him everywhere until mummy gets home at 6:30 , so he said he has to put them in anothet room & shut the door , he said they usually calm down quickly & stop crying . He also said they bang on door ? Then Mummy has said a few weeks ago she has brought a play pen as she just can't get on with stuff at home , Or she puts the tv on while they are strapped in highchair in morning while she has shower & gets ready. I know this is seems normal but these babies were so settled before , they are like different babies lately.

Do you think any of this is contributing to crying ? I hardly leave them or I talk to them to tell them I'm leaving the room & I'm overfly happy & positive when I come back.

Any advice please ? I'm so upset for them I've never seen them so distressed when they can't see me & mine were not like this . Thanks so much

It is really hard to watch children do this ...I think it is an 'expected' stage of development at around 12-18 months but can happen later.
I remember children clawing at my legs, crying if I got up from the table or turned my back or if I was slightly out of sight.

I understand it is linked to attachment, fear of being left and feeling safe
It will pass and you need to reassure them you are 'there', encourage them to follow you as children do understand anything you say.

Good luck!

**BallyH** · 06-11-2015, 07:30 PM

Including what others' have posted on here, did this start soon after they started crawling/cruising? I have found in the past that some children almost panic when they start to crawl/cruise as they have moved away from the adult and start to get into a pattern of being very upset when the adult then moves away from them. I would also think locking them in a room and closing the door isn't good. Good advice given in other threads.

**mumofone** · 06-11-2015, 09:07 PM

Originally Posted by MOH

Including what others' have posted on here, did this start soon after they started crawling/cruising? I have found in the past that some children almost panic when they start to crawl/cruise as they have moved away from the adult and start to get into a pattern of being very upset when the adult then moves away from them. I would also think locking them in a room and closing the door isn't good. Good advice given in other threads.

I agree locking them in a room sounds awful to me and I wouldn't be happy or comfortable if someone told me they did this :-(

**Maza** · 06-11-2015, 10:37 PM

I would say the crying thing is fairly normal and they are probably setting each other off and making each other worse. It sounds like mum and dad need a bit more support/ideas. It must be so hard looking after twins. I used to put my DD in one of those chair/bouncer things (the ones that look like a baby walker but without wheels). They can be transported from room to room unlike a playpen. I have been known to take it into the bathroom with me while I had a shower so that we could keep an eye on each other! Not sure two would fit into her bathroom but I wouldn't be comfortable leaving them in a high chair unsupervised for that long.

Dad's comment is worrying though. Part of me feels like as a parent you just have to cram as many things as you can into their nap time or when they are in bed. Maybe for the next few months mum will have to get up half an hour earlier than her babies so that she can have her shower then, or bath/shower the night before. What exactly does mum have to do while they are in their playpen? Maybe she needs to relax a bit when it comes to housework or cooking elaborate meals. Could you give them some safeguarding booklets - I have a set from my DO (and saw them in my surestart centre) about all the dangers ch'n can face at different ages/stages if left unsupervised. I think them being restrained so much possibly could be making them more insecure, even if they are supervised while 'contained' it has to be kept to a minimum for lots of obvious reasons.

**Mynewventure** · 11-11-2015, 09:43 AM

Thankyou so much all of you for your great advice , I am concerned & they are friendly parents so I have asked for a little meeting face to face with both parents to try to come to a solution which helps the babies & everyone . I am getting mixed messages from parents so think it's best to talk to them directly together , however I am a bit worried as I wouldn't want to tell a parent how to bring their children up ( I agree shutting the door & leaving them in highchair with a bottle isn't safe, so I think i need to do this delicately & sensitively , hopefully it's just a passing phase in their natural development. Thanks again

**lollipop kid** · 11-11-2015, 12:09 PM

Originally Posted by Mynewventure

Thankyou so much all of you for your great advice , I am concerned & they are friendly parents so I have asked for a little meeting face to face with both parents to try to come to a solution which helps the babies & everyone . I am getting mixed messages from parents so think it's best to talk to them directly together , however I am a bit worried as I wouldn't want to tell a parent how to bring their children up ( I agree shutting the door & leaving them in highchair with a bottle isn't safe, so I think i need to do this delicately & sensitively , hopefully it's just a passing phase in their natural development. Thanks again

Well done you. Here's a link that has some useful little books (to show parents?) on it - if you've got time to get these before your meeting, they're fab!

Babies pack | Child Accident Prevention Trust

All the best,

LK