Overstaying parent

**Star8376** · 27-10-2015, 05:20 PM

Please how do I deal with a parent that takes too long to leave. Especially when they are the last to go. Please help

**sarah707** · 27-10-2015, 06:12 PM

Change to handovers at the door - shoes on, coat on, bag on back, open door - bye see you tomorrow!

parent should know that they can contact you by email or phone (whatever is agreed) between certain hours in the evening when you will be happy to chat with them if they have any concerns ... and you should provide daily info in a book or on a sheet / by email etc...

Hopefully it will be quickly resolved for you

**Mouse** · 27-10-2015, 06:49 PM

I sent a letter to parents a while back saying something along the lines of:

'Dear Parents

At the end of a long day I'm sure you and the children are all keen to get home as soon as possible. To make sure none of you are delayed here I will be making sure that the children are ready with their shoes and coats on before I bring them to the door to meet you. If there is a delay between you knocking and us getting to the door, please be patient while your child gets ready. We will have time for a very quick chat as I hand your child over, but if you need to discuss anything in more detail, please contact me by email or phone and we can arrange a time to talk when it is less rushed.

Quicker hand overs at home time will be beneficial for all the children, so I hope you will support me in this approach.

Many thanks'

Some parents have been a bit iffy about it as they do like to come in and chat (rarely about the child, normally about themselves & their day!), but I'm firm about it and when you say it's for the benefit of their child, they can hardly say no! I've used the same reasoning for children who play up at home time - it's for the benefit of the child to be ready at the door and handed straight over.

**BallyH** · 27-10-2015, 07:32 PM

This happens a lot over the years. I always have the children dressed and ready to go. I chat very quickly. If I antipicate a problem with the last child leaving I have 'somewhere' to be every pickup time. I normally tell the parent as they are leaving after drop off that morning ' oh, tonight I've got to be at XX by 6'. That evening I'll have my coat on, the lo's are ready. Be very pleasant to the parent, chat quickly as you're walking towards the door. Get in your car as they're walking to their car. Drive round the block once and then go home and have your dinner. Hopefully after a coupke of times you'll only need your coat in your hand and not have to drive anywhere. As long as the parents know they can contact you at anytime if something worries them.

I know a cm whose parent would take the baby out of the car seat, undress her little coat etc and then proceed to change, a clean nappy, all to delay going home. In the end the cm felt sorry for her. But eventually she also stood with her coat on. Best of luck

**FloraDora** · 27-10-2015, 08:02 PM

I have a LO who loves snails...this week we were in the process of relocating some to the herbs in the front garden when mum arrived ....quickest exit ever as coat and boots all ready on doing the garden activity!
I don't mind them lingering though, no young family of my own so unless I am off out after I don't usually have a problem with a natter, but none of mine stay too long...one mum currently on maternity leave, is rather starved of adult company at the mo so will linger longer than usual...bit it's actually quite nice.

Simona · 27-10-2015, 08:47 PM

I never minded having a quick chat with the parents....rather that than sending an email or receiving a text because they had forgotten to ask something!
If one feels parents are lingering regularly we can always ask them to pick up 10 minutes early so feedback can be given each day and still finish fairly on time.

One reason I used to give for pick ups to be on time is that...and it is true...any cms training always started at 6.30pm which meant I had to run round like a lunatic to get there on time ...or be fined for late arrival or refused entry.

**Maza** · 27-10-2015, 10:47 PM

Originally Posted by MOH

This happens a lot over the years. I always have the children dressed and ready to go. I chat very quickly. If I antipicate a problem with the last child leaving I have 'somewhere' to be every pickup time. I normally tell the parent as they are leaving after drop off that morning ' oh, tonight I've got to be at XX by 6'. That evening I'll have my coat on, the lo's are ready. Be very pleasant to the parent, chat quickly as you're walking towards the door. Get in your car as they're walking to their car. Drive round the block once and then go home and have your dinner. Hopefully after a coupke of times you'll only need your coat in your hand and not have to drive anywhere. As long as the parents know they can contact you at anytime if something worries them.

I know a cm whose parent would take the baby out of the car seat, undress her little coat etc and then proceed to change, a clean nappy, all to delay going home. In the end the cm felt sorry for her. But eventually she also stood with her coat on. Best of luck

Driving around the block wouldn't have worked for my last family - they would have still been playing in my garden by the time I got back. They left at the beginning of September but being reminded of this sends shudders down my spine.

**Maza** · 27-10-2015, 10:54 PM

Originally Posted by FloraDora

I have a LO who loves snails...this week we were in the process of relocating some to the herbs in the front garden when mum arrived ....quickest exit ever as coat and boots all ready on doing the garden activity!
I don't mind them lingering though, no young family of my own so unless I am off out after I don't usually have a problem with a natter, but none of mine stay too long...one mum currently on maternity leave, is rather starved of adult company at the mo so will linger longer than usual...bit it's actually quite nice.

I know what you mean about not minding them lingering and it being rather nice though. I had one family for three years and it was always lovely catching up with mum and we used to have a giggle BUT she just knew exactly when to call it a day and her children were well behaved while we chatted and they all respected my property. The other family that I have moaned about often just didn't have a clue and as lovely as they were I did end up feeling quite a lot of resentment towards them.

Star8376, Mouse's letter is good advice - do you think they would do what mine did and hang around in your garden after you have closed the door?

**mumofone** · 28-10-2015, 07:25 PM

I have a parent who picks up at different times each day. Official pick up is 6.30 but they may come at 5.30 (like tonight) or 6pm or 6.20 so I could never get the child ready as they could be waiting ages!

**Maza** · 28-10-2015, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by mumofone

I have a parent who picks up at different times each day. Official pick up is 6.30 but they may come at 5.30 (like tonight) or 6pm or 6.20 so I could never get the child ready as they could be waiting ages!

If it bothers you could you ask them to text you when they are about to leave work or get off the bus or whatever so that you have a rough idea of when they will be arriving? You could word it so that you are being helpful to them, for example so that the parents will have less time to wait around (especially as the nights are getting colder and dark earlier) and can have a longer evening at home etc. I'm sure most of them would actually prefer it if they were honest.

**Star8376** · 28-10-2015, 11:51 PM

Please what if the parent chooses to breastfeed her 2yrs old child and spend an extra 30- 35mins in the process?

**Star8376** · 29-10-2015, 12:08 AM

Thanks for taking out time to reply to my post. Please I forgot to mention that the parent in question usually breastfeed her 2years old child. She end up spending another 30-35mins in my house before leaving. It so difficult for me as she is the last parent that collect at the end of the day.

**Mouse** · 29-10-2015, 07:58 AM

Originally Posted by mumofone

I have a parent who picks up at different times each day. Official pick up is 6.30 but they may come at 5.30 (like tonight) or 6pm or 6.20 so I could never get the child ready as they could be waiting ages!

How much is there to get ready? I'd have bags packed by 5.30pm so the only thing you need to do is get their coat and shoes on.

**tess1981** · 29-10-2015, 08:13 AM

My parents seems to grab and go here. We usually have a few minutes chat at drop off and collection. Have something cooking in the oven then you can say you need to go check on it

**mumofone** · 29-10-2015, 08:26 AM

Originally Posted by Mouse

How much is there to get ready? I'd have bags packed by 5.30pm so the only thing you need to do is get their coat and shoes on.

Yep that's all they need to do but sometimes that can go on a while! I'm not bothered I was just making the point that due to the pick up time being different each day kids can never have shoes on ready to go (it's a shoes off house!).

Simona · 29-10-2015, 08:55 AM

Great thoughtful response Maza

maybe we could just stop and think that we are not nurseries...some always like to remind us of that....what would it mean for a home based setting to have children 'all ready to go ...shoes on etc'...lining them in the hall?

Picking up early is not something parents do just in our cms settings...it also happens in nurseries....as long as parents are reminded to warn us so not to disrupt the routine...tell us if dinner is not required... there is really nothing wrong with pick up being at different times
we only have 6 children ...surely we can be a flexible?

I preferred staggered pick up rather than all the parents arriving at once...once they started chatting to each other it was hard to get them ready to leave!!! and often they would forget about locking front gate and safety!

It is also important to talk to the children about pick up times...get them to understand it is time to go home and spend time with mummy and daddy...so they NEED to be ready quickly and not continue playing
Get all their things ready...that can be done very easily ....shoes on? not in many houses as shoes are off as a policy.
coat on? the children may get too hot and it will not prevent them still playing or parents lingering.

Above all we are in charge of our settings and can put it very clearly in our Prospectus how we would like pick up times to be...that would accommodate everyone's needs especially tired children at the end of the day!...and respect the end of the day is the start of cms' family time too.

**Mouse** · 29-10-2015, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by mumofone

Yep that's all they need to do but sometimes that can go on a while! I'm not bothered I was just making the point that due to the pick up time being different each day kids can never have shoes on ready to go (it's a shoes off house!).

The only place we have shoes on is in the hall.

At home time all the bags are ready. As parents knock at the door I look to see whose parent it is (they usually come in the same order, but not always) and I take the child to the door.

If the child is likely to play up, or if parents are likely to stay too long, the child gets their shoes and coat on in the hall, before I open the door and hand them over. If they have outgrown the playing up stage and if the parents don't hang round, I take the child to the door, open the door and parents either come into the hall, or stand at the door while the child gets their shoes & coat on. It works well for me as we usually have time for a chat, but parents don't manage to get themselves too comfy and overstay the welcome!

**FussyElmo** · 29-10-2015, 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by Star8376

Thanks for taking out time to reply to my post. Please I forgot to mention that the parent in question usually breastfeed her 2years old child. She end up spending another 30-35mins in my house before leaving. It so difficult for me as she is the last parent that collect at the end of the day.

Does the child need feeding or is it an habit the parent has fallen into?

The only way to resolve this issue for you is to talk to the parent, I think they wont realise that they are imposing on your time. Here they wouldn't be able to stay as mon-thurs as soon as the last one has left we are out to get the children to various clubs but all my parents know this and know if they need to talk to me to come that bit earlier or ring me.

**Mouse** · 29-10-2015, 09:49 AM

Originally Posted by Star8376

Thanks for taking out time to reply to my post. Please I forgot to mention that the parent in question usually breastfeed her 2years old child. She end up spending another 30-35mins in my house before leaving. It so difficult for me as she is the last parent that collect at the end of the day.

I would have thought a 2 year old is quite capable of waiting until they get home to be fed, so I can't see it is a necessity for mum to feed her child at your house.

I think you need to speak to mum and be honest with her. Say that while you support her decision to breastfeed her child and will make every effort to help mums who want to do this, you have to remind her that your business closes at 6pm (or whatever time she is contracted to) and that you can't accommodate parents being on the premises after that time. I would ask what you can do to help her child (make sure he/she has a drink/snack before home time) so that she is ready to leave on time and get home for a feed. If mum insists she needs to feed her before she goes home, I would tell her she has to arrive half an hour early so that she can feed and be ready to leave on time. I would then set aside a quiet area (not somewhere where she can chat to you), so that she can feed and go.

I had one mum who would always arrive 15 minutes early in the morning and stay at least 15 minutes later at night. When I spoke to her about it she said it was because she liked to have time to chat in the morning and at home time. She didn't ever really have anything to say and just wanted to hang around. She'd sometimes say her son needed a bottle before she left, even though they lived a 5 minute drive away and he was never that desperate. I know she just wanted to chat, but I had my own family to see to and she was eating into my personal time. In the end I told her that if she wanted to talk she would have to do that on her own time, so not arrive until her contracted time, then have a chat, or arrive 15 minutes early at night so we could chat and she could still leave on time. Once she realised she'd be taking up her time, not mine, she soon decided she was happy with a quick handover.

**Maza** · 29-10-2015, 09:54 AM

I remember once when a mum turned up unexpectedly early and I hadn't fed the child. I felt so guilty and awful - why???? I was so apologetic. Mum was totally fine about it and hadn't given a second thought to how it might affect me. We are very hard on ourselves in this job and sometimes it is hard to stand up for ourselves. Gone off the point a bit...