Screaming mindee is getting me down
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  1. #1
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    Default Screaming mindee is getting me down

    I started with X 5 months ago, 4 days a week. When he first started, as i expected, there were tears, but things have got worse as he has got older.

    I spoke to mum and she suggested a walker as he loves his at home. This worked for 5/10 minutes then back to screaming. I asked her if she carries him alot, she replied no (i went to her house and this is not the case, i know she has the right to cuddle him but she picks up as soon as he wimpers.)

    He is walking now (walking from 10 months) and things are even worse. He follows me everywhere screaming at the top of his lungs, my 3 year old son is not impressed and doesn't like X coming anymore, which makes it worse. I also have a 6 month old starting in 4 months.

    I had X for 6 hours today of which he slept for 1 hour, the rest was him
    screaming at me, even through lunch, he did not give up, i cuddled him, i sat and played with him, i took him out, tried everything, he just screamed and this has been a daily occurance for months.

    This has been a tough 5 months for me anyway with personal difficulties and this is not helping, i just cried today, i just cracked. Makes me sound so unprofessional but i really need a break. I have even considered giving up
    childminding, but then my son loses out on having me home, so really thats not fair, i am just very low at the moment and i suppose i needed to 'vent' to people who may have been there.

  2. #2
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    I have been there and it's dreadful for the child... and for you!

    You really need to consider whether you are doing the right thing by yourself, your family and the child keeping him on.

    Only you know your breaking point but I think you are close now so you should advertise and see who is out there.

    Sending big hugs xx

  3. #3
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    I sympathise - I have been there as well. I lasted around 6 months before I decided enough was enough - I also thought hitting one and becoming more mobile would work - it didnt Giving notice was the best thing I could do for my sanity and I dont regret it (I used to dread each day the child came) - sometimes these things just dont work out and walking away is the right thing to do for yourself and your family...

    The only thing I can suggest - if you havent already - is sit down with mum and explain how hard it is for you and see if you can come up with a plan together.. maybe start to advertise in the meantime and if you need to and can afford to simply give notice

  4. #4
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    You must dread the days he comes, very hard on all of you.

    Five months is a long time to see no improvement so you have to think whether you want to carry on or give notice and look for someone else.

    Sending hugs

    Miffy xx
    Keep smiling!

  5. #5
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    I have spoken to mum but probably need to have a real sit down, maybe have her stay without his knowledge so she can see what he is like and we can come up with solutions together.

    You're right that it isn't just about me but also about little X.

    I really hate letting people down especially this mummy as she is so great to have as a mindee mummy. Just don't know how long i can carry on with him like this.

    Thankyou for the replies, i think i'm going to have to talk to mummy again.

  6. #6
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    Some times you have to let go, Ive been there too, i use to sing out loud when all the screaming started, and take deep breaths lol sometimes it worked, good luck but do try and get another one to take his place, you should not feel that you have to cry, i feel sorry for you, good luck,

  7. #7
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    I know the feeling very well, when my mindee started it took him a long time to settle.
    I have to do a 20 minute walk to school and back everyday and as soon as I put him in the pushchair he would start to do this blood curdling/choking kind of scream and he would not stop till we got home, it was really embarrassing and by the end of the week I would feel mentally drained and really fed up!
    So I decided to get intouch with the local childrens services and they gave me loads of help and support (and most importantly reassurance that I was doing well) and now he's fine!! He still has the odd grizzle but generally he's a delight to have now!
    Have u thought about doing a chart and recording all incidents, what triggers them ect and see if u can spot a pattern (that's what I was advised and it really was an eye opener)

    Anyway good luck and let us know how u get on x

  8. #8
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    You have my sympathy! I too have a screamer He has been with me since the beginning of August and is now almost 16 months old! He screams everytime I close the gate to go into the kitchen to do anything for anyone (room divider type gate - so its not as if he can't see me) even if June and other children are in the room, and sometimes when I even just stand up to go and do something. He doesn't like the other children being near him or me most of the time and even when he seems happy playing he will suddenly for no apparent reason start again

    I think Mum carries him or leaves the gates open and he follows her around, but its just not practical with 2 other mindees (aged 16 months and 29 months).

    The 29 month old little girl tries so hard to get him to play but sometimes she puts her hands over her ears and says xxx be quiet!!! Mum has also told me that she doesn't like xxx and she sometimes cries when she arrives and he is here as he is crying as I have left him to go and let her in!!! Even the older children groan when they see he is here

    We do have the odd day when he "isn't so bad" and I think maybe this is it, but the next day he can be as bad as ever again

    Like I say you have my sympathy, it is very draining and I wish there was an answer apart from telling mum that you can't have her lo because they are making life miserable for everyone else

  9. #9
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    Oh poor you! And little fella not having a ball either.

    I have been there and stuck with it, ended up in tears at a group one time because a mum said 'what's wrong with him'. Any way, I stuck with it and kept thinking things would get better. They did eventually when he was nearly 3 (2 1/2 years later). Looking back, I should have ended the contract after a few months.

    Only you can decide what's best for you, I really hope things get better for you ((( )))

  10. #10
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    oh honey. i know a child who behaves like this is very distressed and it's all down to separation but there is only so much you can handle whilst looking after your own and other children.

    if the child is that distressed he would maybe be better off with a nanny. I've been there and done 3 months with 1 child and then 2 months with another. I wouldn't have lasted much longer with either but I'm glad I got there.

    5 months! you have done better than me. you've got to decide how much more you can mentally take.
    if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got

  11. #11
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    he sounds exactly like my mindee J!!!! Mum carried him around everywhere then flatly denied it to my face. I would have J ready on the doorstep every night, and as soon as he left I would cry. I tried for 6 months, and then I gave notice. Mum wasnt' surprised as I had been honest with her

    BUT - I went on holiday for a week, and when I came back J was like a different child! I'm glad I stuck with it as he is now a model mindee child, and all my hard work is worth it when he toddles upto me with a huge smile on his face and gives me a kiss and a cuddle.
    Marnie x

  12. #12
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    I have sympathy this is nearly exactly what I am going through at the mo. Have had lo since september - he is 15 months old, I have finally got him to sleep for an hour a day (have him from 7.45 am to 6pm for 4 days a week) and he screams like I have never heard before, the other children hate it. Mum told me last week that he has screamed for at least 3 hours a day since he was born. I have never heard a screams like this child can do it is so loud and it goes on and on and on. According to his older sibling he screams all the time at home as well.......really don't know what to do, like you. Whereas at the beginning I underplayed the screaming with the parents as I thought he was unsettled now I am very honest as I feel like I am building up to give notice as I am not sure how much more we can all take, feel I can be honest if I have told them the truth of the screaming.

    good luck

  13. #13
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    I can sympathise with you. I had an 8 month old screamer last year. 4 days a week for 10hrs a day. She would scream at the top of her lungs and her cry was rather like a smaller baby. It would last most of the day as she wasn't a big sleeper either. She would cry when someone came in or left, she wouldn't eat, she just used to scream.
    There came a point at toddler group which is in a church and the screaming echoed and all the mums were looking at me as I couldn't do anything to stop her. I decided that day to give in, it had been 8 weeks of solid screaming.i was stressed and knackered. My own kids hated it and my mindees didn't want to come anymore.

    She went to a nursery and then came back to me a year later, she's now a different child.

    Now I have a 14 month old who started in jan. he was fine to begin with but became I'll with cold/ear and throat. Now he cries when I move. If I'm making lunch he hates the gate being closed. He hates when I change other mindees or even speak to them. It's wearing but it's not half as bad as last year.
    I'm going to give it a bit more time but I think I will know when the time has come to give notice
    Only you know how much you can take.if its affecting everyone you need to think about it and your health and happiness must come first

  14. #14
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    I have a mindee who went through a phase which lasted a good 6 months where he would scream and scream if I wasn't cuddling him. He would also scream when people came to the door which I always used to think looked terrible to my other parents! He basically just wanted me with him the whole time so if I left his side or put him down he would scream.

    In the end I decided to just not give in to it because it was affecting all the other children (and my sanity).

    So for example, if I went to the kitchen to sort out lunch, and he followed me in there screaming I just used to pick him up, carry him back to the playroom and say to him that I was making his lunch and leave him in there with some toys and the other children.

    In the end he stopped and he's now an absolute joy to have.

    I know how hard it is though so I wouldn't blame you if you gave up!! But for me it was worth sticking at it.

 

 

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