Feeling scared and upset

[Amyathome]

Hi everyone,
I haven't posted on here much but find the message board really useful. I've been registered since June and am pretty busy which is great. Unfortunately relations with one of my parents has turned very sour and I wanted some advice from the more experienced.
I've been looking after the child for 10 hours a week since August and the child who is 1 is very laid back and very easy and have overcome sleep issues and didn't even cry when mum left. The problem has been with the mum a couple of weeks ago she said they were going to be away when child was due to come to me. I said that was fine but reminded her that I still charged as I was still available for work. She made a face but didn't say anything. So she didn't turn up for this day and the following day when the child was due. i rang and asked where he was but got no response. So i sent a polite email enquiring what had happened and asking for payment before I could care for child again. Anyway she stuffed the money through my door with no note. The following week when she came she shouted at me in my home, threatened Ofsted, and was very threatening. Apparently she and child had been ill which was why they hadn't turned up but as I explained she could have phoned. The child still had diarrhoea and I explained I couldn't take him and she lost it really yelling at me. I asked her to calm down and leave and she shouted she wouldn't pay me. I sent a letter terminating her contract and today I got a really nasty one back implying ill care of her child and she would be seeking legal advice. Now I know I looked after her child really well and all my paperwork is really tight but this still scares me. I've got my first inspection in a few weeks and I want to make sure I've done all the right things. Any advice?

Thanks

A

[mgtrem]

Didnt want to read and run but no advice as not been in the situation as i'm quite new mysellf.

I'm sure someone will be along soon with some great advice. Til then keep you chin up (and as impossible as I know this is) try not to let it get you too down xxxx

[miffy]

Firstly, you were absolutely right not to accept the child if they still had diarrhoea - if both mum and child have had the same bug it sounds pretty nasty and is obviously contagious.

Mum's letter about seeking legal advice etc might just be her hitting back because you have terminated the contract and hopefully it won't come to anything (I know it's very upsetting all the same).

She may complain to Ofsted so I would make sure that you write up as much as you can remember of what's happened so far, including who said what and when and any further communication between you and mum should be in writing and you should keep a copy.

It is a rotten feeling when a parent turns on you and you realise how vulnerable you are but often parents are just trying to get out of paying the notice period. Keep your chin up and try not to get too upset. There is usually someone here if you need to talk.

Hugs
Miffy xx

[Wheelybug]

Hi, try not to let her upset you or worry you. To me it sounds like she is just saying it to scare you and won't actually go through with what she is threatening. If it were me I would write down exactly what had happened so far with this parent and if you have still got them, keep any text messages / emails etc that you have sent her or she has sent you, just to cover yourself in case she did take it further. Personally I don't think anyone will take what she is saying seriously as if you were that bad, why did she carry on bringing her child to you and why was it you that terminated the contract and not her. Ever so often you do come across parents like this, thankfully most are fine. I had one once where my son and a minded child didn't get on. I explained to parents the problems I was having throughout and eventually decided to terminate the contract. Next thing I knew, my daughter was coming home from school saying this ex-minded child was going round saying his mother was going to report me to Ofsted as my son had been bullying him!! It did worry me at the time even though I knew I had done nothing wrong. I had kept the parents fully informed and then decided it was in the best interests of both boys to terminate the contract. I never heard anything from Ofsted so can only assume she didn't carry out what she was threatening. I'd just put it down to experience and make sure you ask for payment in advance in future! I always have and parents have always been fine with this. I say they can pay daily, weekly or monthly but it has to be in advance. Good luck I am sure you will be fine.

[Goatgirl]

Hi ,
I think its a bit difficult to deal with unless she has made a specific complaint or accusation about you. However, It is fairly obvious from your post what this is about. I can see any complaint would really be a reaction to not liking having to follow your setting's rules regarding payment and sickness and embarrassment at having had a melt down when you stuck to your guns..... hopefully Ofsted would see this too.

I think at the moment you just need to have logged all incidents and conversations in date order and if you have any witnesses ask them to sign to this effect. Do you have any evidence of her being happy with your service before the disagreements? Or of the way she has behaved and overreacted when hearing news she doesn't like?
It shouldn't affect your inspection unless she has made a complaint by that time.

If she makes a complaint, follow your complaints procedure. If it comes through Ofsted you will have forms to complete and a time limit on doing so.

I would respond to her letters in a calm, civilised and professional manner and if she makes any accusations calmly explain these are unfounded and why. It sounds as though she has just taken you following your procedures, policies etc as a personal attack!

I would be wary of telling Ofsted about a complaint not made directly to them as they may count it and investigate anyway and it would be on your record and you obligated to tell any parent about it who asked to view your complaints.

The main thing to remember is that you've done nothing wrong

Good luck with your inspection

best wishes,
Wendy

[wendywu]

If you look back through this forum this is a very common problem when a contract ends.

The fact that she is only implying at ill care shows she is bluffing. She would be much more specific and indeed she needs to be if she is to carry this further.

Apart from recording every detail that has occurred between you and mum i assume you have daily dairies and photos of her child showing that they were happy.

Does your diary have a space for parents comments, i bet she never bought any concerns up anywhere.

Were you out at any CM groups or children's centers with mindee. You could get a report from the people who run it to state that mindee was happy and well cared for.

Do not worry Ofsted are not silly, they will see right through a complaint that materializes suddenly out of thin air when payment in lieu of notice is asked for.

[The Juggler]

oh hon. why oh why do parents do this. it is always over money and it's because they don't want to stick to a contract THEY signed so unfair.

I would phone ofsted, explain the situation and say they may expect a call from a parent who is upset at you insisting on contractual payment and then refusing a child who had D&v and tell them the response was threatening to complain.

let us know how you get on xx

[Amyathome]

Hi
Thank you for your lovely replies. I have recorded everything in my reflection diary of what happened and contact between me and parent. I have pictures of the child looking happy. The daily diary had room for parent comments - the only comment noted was how pleased mum was I had settled her child well for naps. Unfortunately mum kept hold of this. However I took child to toy library regularly and the lady who runs it would be able to say this.
I have rung Morton Michel for advice too.

I've only been registered a few months so quite difficult to deal with straight away.

Thanks again for all your help and great advice

A
xx

[Tatjana]

Hopefully the mum is just full of hot air, not being well and having to look for alternative care for her child now, she was probably just ranting.

You have done nothing wrong, you've been professional and followed the correct procedures on not allowing a child with diarrorhea in your setting.

[wendywu]

Don't worry Amy you have everything covered. I imagine Ofsted receive thousands of false complaints like this every year.

It is amazing how going to the cash point or doing a bank transfer can make it suddenly dawn on you that your child has been badly cared for

[ziggy]

i had a parent do the same to me and a few weeks later she apologised. Try not to worry it doesnt seem like she has a specific complaint xx

[watgem]

sending you lots of hugs, follow all the good advice you have been given, I've had a similar experience and Ofsted were great, I think they get malicious complaints quite a lot and I think they are quite good at distinguishing between those and genuine complainers, xxx

[Andrea08]

(((Huggz))) agree with miffy hun

write everything up and keep on record if your still upset ring ofsted and tell them what has happened and see what they say..

good luck xx

[Ripeberry]

And how dare she stress you out like this for only 10hrs a week!
Lots of good advise given. Hope you get your payment soon.

[Lilylulu]

It would be a good move to contact Ofsted and inform them of the situation, we has a very similar situation earlier this year. Relationship with parent whe downhill after we refused to have a child back in after vomiting before the 48hours had passed. Then things just went downhill, in the end we gave notice to terminate the contract. She didnt lie that at all, went off in a huff, claiming mistreatment, never believed she wud actually make a complaint as it was just fabricated and thought it was just her over reacting.
Unfortunately a week later we got a knock on the door from ofsted, luckily we had written everything up, Ofsted could see from our copy letters that we had folowed our policies a procedures. No action or recommendaions were given - other than to say - next time keep us informed! You might feel like you are self reporting but infact they probabaly deal with lots of false allegations and it showsyou follow your policies if you are the party to bring the problems into the limelight.

[beachgirl29]

hi,
I know how you feel had two parents turn on me now. Try not to worry and I think the advice given has been wonderful. You have done the right stuff.

Did anything come of it in the end?

x

[pipandbaz]

Similar situation happened to me was threatened with complaint being sent to cssiw, I've nothing to hide so told parents to carry on. No complaint was made however my reputation has been damaged as she has since gone out of her way to tell every parent she comes across to not send their children to the English childminder in xhands.
Nice woman.

[Jiorjiina]

Similar situation happened to me was threatened with complaint being sent to cssiw, I've nothing to hide so told parents to carry on. No complaint was made however my reputation has been damaged as she has since gone out of her way to tell every parent she comes across to not send their children to the English childminder in xhands.
Nice woman.

You should tell the police. That's slander, and illegal. If she's damaging your business you can get her stopped.

[Pipsqueak]

Similar situation happened to me was threatened with complaint being sent to cssiw, I've nothing to hide so told parents to carry on. No complaint was made however my reputation has been damaged as she has since gone out of her way to tell every parent she comes across to not send their children to the English childminder in xhands.
Nice woman.

You must get some legal backing. Report her to the police for slander for a start and then get a solicitors letter or some sort of legal means (SCMA perhaps) to send her a letter telling her to back of....

if SCMA won't and you can't afford alternative legal means then do the letter yourself and explain you will pursue her through legal means if she continues to damage your rep/your business

[Erika]

The police will not be able to act in cases of slander. Criminal defamation was abolished in 2010 but you can still pursue it civily - though this will cost.

Luckily, a solicitors letter is usually enough to get someone to stop or issue a retraction/apology, without the need to go to court.

However be sure that she is actually defaming you before you accuse her of it. Telling people not to send their children to you is not defamation, though it may still be damaging to your business; it is only defamation if she makes statements about you which are untrue and which damage your reputation. If in the course of telling people not to send their children to you, she is making false statements about you then it is defamation.

I'll give you some examples.

"Don't use Erika as a childminder" - not defamation.

"Don't use Erika. I used her and I was not happy with her services" - not defamation. It;s a viewpoint which she is free to express.

"Don't use Erika. She did not provide a level of care that I was happy with. She also charged me a late fee when I was only a couple minutes late" - if I did charge a fee, this is not defamation and her comment about being unhappy is her personal viewpoint on how she felt about my services. - no defamation.

"Don't use Erika. She neglected my child by leaving her in the garden unsupervised and never changed her nappy" - if this is untrue it IS defamation.