Advice Needed for lazy nearly-5yr old

VINASOL · 08-11-2011, 12:30 PM

What can I do with my almost 5yr old mindee. She is SO LAZY. Will do things but it will take her ages. It's not as if she can't do it...she can't be bothered. Mum todl me the other day that at home they put her coat/shoes/etc on and she is in fact still spoon fed at dinner/breakfast time.

I'm getting really fed up of it...I haven't the time to chase after her to make sure she puts her shoes/coat on and I haven't time to sit with her whilst she brushes her teeth after breakfast (sister told me that she was just standing in the bathroom with brush in her mouth not moving).

She is like it at school as well...they are teaching them the alphabet (phonics), and she does not want to do any of the work they send home. Mum also expects me to read with her but I think that this is mum's responsibility rather than mine?

What do you think?

**desiderata** · 08-11-2011, 12:44 PM

no advice at the mo but just to say I have got one the same ! went to nursery but has been with mom dad nan all the time and has had everythng done for her. Wees herself at school cos no one is taking her to the toilet because she doesnt think of going herself. woudnt walk out of my door to her moms car the other day because there was a puddle on the path. So mom picked her up and carried her to car. I have had to go into school when mom has asked because she says no one plays with her. Its because she doesnt mix she expects people to give her things to do all the time .
Any advice would be welcome

Pipsqueak · 08-11-2011, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by VINASOL

What can I do with my almost 5yr old mindee. She is SO LAZY. Will do things but it will take her ages. It's not as if she can't do it...she can't be bothered. Mum todl me the other day that at home they put her coat/shoes/etc on and she is in fact still spoon fed at dinner/breakfast time.

I'm getting really fed up of it...I haven't the time to chase after her to make sure she puts her shoes/coat on and I haven't time to sit with her whilst she brushes her teeth after breakfast (sister told me that she was just standing in the bathroom with brush in her mouth not moving).

She is like it at school as well...they are teaching them the alphabet (phonics), and she does not want to do any of the work they send home. Mum also expects me to read with her but I think that this is mum's responsibility rather than mine?

What do you think?

just a word of caution - I always thought my middle son was a lazy so and so... it turned out to be do with him being dyslexic - he is visually disorganised. He couldn't put things away if they were in a heap.

That said some people are naturally 'lazy'.

Sounds like little girl is used to being babied. Start with little things - and build them to bigger things - using lots of positive praise/reinforcement.

As to the parent expecting you to read with the child - yes that is ultimately the parents responsibility and I make it clear to parents that I do homework with the child IF I have time.

**marnieb** · 08-11-2011, 01:22 PM

being spoon fed at almost 5!!!!!

I wont feed my 2 yr old mindees, never mind 5. Yes, I'd have words with mum, tell her and explain to the child that you are going to introduce an egg-timer, and when it goes off (i do 20 min), their plate gets taken away, and no pudding.

That might sound harsh but it works, one of my 2 yr olds is very lazy, and once a month I have to do this to bring him back up to speed, as it were, and by next meal time he's happily feeding himself and cleaning his plate.

**LChurch** · 08-11-2011, 01:57 PM

So hard. I do sometimes wonder about the parents these days! With the one about reading, if you have time I would say do it once a week but no more so that you can judge where she is and can liase with school etc! But no ultimately it is the parents responsibility. As for picking them up to take them to the car that is just ridiculous! I think I would put a timer on for getting shoes and coats on etc, what would you do with your own children? What about a reward chart? It is so hard when parents make their kids lazy and still behave like babies.

**The Juggler** · 08-11-2011, 02:31 PM

i wouldn't say she is lazy hon, she's just never been taught to do it for herself - poor kid. and it will be much harder to encourage her now.

I would def. tell mum you are not reading with her - not enough quiet space for you to do it. reading needs to be done without distraction and in a quiet area - mum's job not yours

i would just say to mum that she will have to get dressed/changed at school and maybe you can work together to put a plan in place to help her so other children don't notice so much what she can/can't do. How on earth is she eating at school

I also agree with Pip, my son was very independent but struggled big time with lots of fiddly tasks and still does now at 12 (shoe laces, socks, school tie, knife and fork etc). we have also just confimred he has dyslexia. dyspraxia can also cause difficulties with these tasks. maybe if she struggles then mum and dad have just overcompensated.

**lolli_pop243** · 08-11-2011, 03:23 PM

I agree with the others, she might have other unidentified issues. I thought my daughter was lazy because she always complained her legs hurt when she walked-but had her checked by the GP. We ended up at the hospital, and the consultant confirmed she has hypermobility syndrome(double joints) and needed physiotherapy to help strengthen her joints.

**LChurch** · 08-11-2011, 03:46 PM

I hope you get to the bottom of it.

**ziggy** · 08-11-2011, 03:51 PM

my daughter had similar problems and was called worse than lazy by her classmates in PE!!!!!!!!

Eventually last year at the age of 21 she was diagnosed with severe dyspraxia and dyslexia. Her university couldnt believe she had done so well with such a problem.

She still doesnt understand time (15mins could mean 4 days) and getting her anywhere on time is a nightmare. She turned up at right time but on wrong day for dyspraxia assessment, must admit it was funny at the time

anyway might be something to think about

**mushpea** · 08-11-2011, 05:09 PM

could you give her more time to do things? so like putting her shoes on prehaps you could give her an extra 10mins before you go out the door to get herself ready,, maybe you could do with her like you would a younger child and give a little help at first then slowly back off unitll she can do it herself,, does she try to do things her self? could it be that because she has always had things done for her then maybe she doesnt know how to do things for herself,, I think to start with you need to help and encourage her to try and do things for herself then if its still clear that she cant do things maybe thats the time to be asking if there is an 'issue'.

VINASOL · 08-11-2011, 06:33 PM

Originally Posted by mushpea

could you give her more time to do things? so like putting her shoes on prehaps you could give her an extra 10mins before you go out the door to get herself ready,, maybe you could do with her like you would a younger child and give a little help at first then slowly back off unitll she can do it herself,, does she try to do things her self? could it be that because she has always had things done for her then maybe she doesnt know how to do things for herself,, I think to start with you need to help and encourage her to try and do things for herself then if its still clear that she cant do things maybe thats the time to be asking if there is an 'issue'.

Amazingly she does a lot more things for me than at home! I don't put up with it...the other day she was eating porridge OAT by OAT!! Basically I told her that if she did not eat the breakfast by a certain time then she would go to school hungry. I do giver her as much time as possible...i think now I'll actually start timing her and have a chat with mum. This is our routine:

Between 0745 and 0800 Children Arrive
0800 - 0805 Breakfast
0815-0825 Brush Teeth
0825 Shoes/Coats on, so that I can leave home by 08.30...I RARELY do because even though I get mindee to do teeth/get shoes/coat on first.

Collect kids from school at 305
Get home and kids get changed into play clothes - can take until 345 until this happens.
Kids play until 5.30 (p/up is at 6 but can be at 5.30 or 5.45) so from 530 I am asking kids to get ready...most times they are not ready adn refuse to put coats on when their parents arrive (4yr old gets laughed at whilst she is runnign riot in my house 'oh isn't she so funny', older child will get a smack when she gets home for being disrespectful).

grrr

**blue bear** · 08-11-2011, 06:37 PM

If she is behaving like a 2 year old you need to set systems in place to move her to the next steps like you would with a two year old regardless of any medical condition she may or may not have.

I set homework for my parents like, this weekend practice xxx putting her coat on and i keep adding new things once a task has been mastered.

**VeggieSausage** · 08-11-2011, 07:07 PM

My DD (who is now 15) has always been unrushable and hated being moved faster than she was comfortable, still does. To organise her for school I used to have to be in charge of the routine and if that included doing her teeth and shovelling some food in then I did, in the hope she would one day do it herself. She does now have her own routine and way of doing stuff (hates being told to hurry up) but some children just need a helping hand - for your sake and gettign out the door rather than theirs often - very frustrating at times though!!

Does this LO have any muscle weakness?

**Helen79** · 08-11-2011, 07:35 PM

For our family the routine would be rushed and we wouldn't be able to manage it. I start getting my own kids shoes and coats on at 8.15 ready to leave the house at 8.30 and even then they struggle to be ready on time

Would mindee be quicker with a different breakfast, maybe a yoghurt that can be eaten quicker or banana that she can eat on the way to school. Is she maybe getting up too early (so that mum can get to yours on time before work) and she's just tired to get herself ready.

**mushpea** · 08-11-2011, 07:53 PM

if mine dont put coats etc on for parents then i make sure they are ready to go home before the parent arrives,, I have a 3.5yrold who is more than cappable of finding her shoes from the shoe box and putting her coat on and doing the zip up but as soon as mum arrives she suddenly cant do any of it and mum does it all for her so now I make sure she is ready with coat an shoes on before mum arrives.
if you know she is capable of doing things then how about a timer so she has x amount of time to do somthing,,, with the getting ready to leave for school if mine are slow I send them out 10mins before everyone else to get ready, they soon learn that they are missing out on playing time and suddenly get quicker!

**Maza** · 08-11-2011, 10:44 PM

Is she actually able to do these tasks for herself - regardless of the time it takes? What are her gross and fine motor skills like generally? Does she have trouble focusing on activities (not school ones, ones that she enjoys)? If you have no other concerns then you need to introduce a timer and a reward chart.

**Nature'sKids!** · 09-11-2011, 09:34 AM

Looking at your routine it seems a little rushed - do they only have 10 minutes for brekkie?
Could you maybe have a gliding breakfast? Ie one where you have some toast, butter and jam ready and the kids can start eating sooner if they want to? Then shed have longer to eat?

**Helen79** · 09-11-2011, 10:44 AM

I was thinking about thread this morning as I was still trying to get my 6 year old out of bed at 7.40 to get ready for school. She goes to bed at 7pm and still can't get up for school as she is just so tired in a morning. She would really struggle to get to a cm'ers for 7.45 as we'd have to get up even earlier and then rush through getting ready for school in half an hour. She's not lazy, just shattered.
It does sound like your mindee is just maybe too tired to do anything in the mornings, especially if she's just started full time school and then this may be why she's struggling in school aswell and in doing her homework. I would help her to get ready and help with toothbrushing and getting coats on if this is the case or have her breakfast ready for when she gets to yours in the morning to give her some extra time to get ready.

VINASOL · 09-11-2011, 11:04 AM

Originally Posted by Nature'sKids!

Looking at your routine it seems a little rushed - do they only have 10 minutes for brekkie?
Could you maybe have a gliding breakfast? Ie one where you have some toast, butter and jam ready and the kids can start eating sooner if they want to? Then shed have longer to eat?

Problem is kids don't arrive some mornings until 8am...I have asked mum to get kids here earlier as time is limited but falls on deaf ears. Mum refuses to feed her kids at home in the morning...they HAVE to have their breakfast and brush their teeth here.

This morning didn't go too bad...I do try to have breakfast ready for when kids arrive and as it's cold I'm doing porridge so that it's ready/cooled for when they arrive.

Child CAN do it all...just it is a battle GETTING her to do it.

Pipsqueak · 09-11-2011, 11:13 AM

Originally Posted by VINASOL

Problem is kids don't arrive some mornings until 8am...I have asked mum to get kids here earlier as time is limited but falls on deaf ears. Mum refuses to feed her kids at home in the morning...they HAVE to have their breakfast and brush their teeth here.

This morning didn't go too bad...I do try to have breakfast ready for when kids arrive and as it's cold I'm doing porridge so that it's ready/cooled for when they arrive.

Child CAN do it all...just it is a battle GETTING her to do it.

Mum refuses to feed her own kids? Thats shocking and I would be telling her straight that you are seriously pushed for time and you don't want to send child to school on an empty belly but this is your schedule xyz and so on. I hope you charge nicely for breakfast But you know why this is - because the CM'r can get the child to do it for them and the parent can't be bothered with the battle.

Get the brekkie ready - explain you have till the timer goes off or you go hungry (give a piece of fruit for on way to school perhaps?)

If the child CAN do then keep going - consistent and firm.