How do you keen your own childrens toys separate?

**Bitsy Beans** · 25-10-2011, 05:28 PM

As in young children? My DD is 3 and as such has a small collection of Barbie dolls and a Barbie camper van which I've allowed mindees to play with. However after a discussion with one mindee she's under the impression that if DD got brought a ballerina costume for Christmas (DD asked to borrow the one mindee was wearing which is where the conversation started) it's her right to wear it, because its here.
I think it's time to have a separation of toys and that DD's are kept for her use but how do you manage with your young kids. I don't want to keep banishing her upstairs to play but nor do I want to go back to situation where all DD's toys are fair game. Do you tell mindees that certain stuff isn't for their use? Mindees are all older than my DD so they should understand.
Sorry this probably just sounds really obvious but I am curious how you all deal with stuff like this.

**rosebud** · 25-10-2011, 05:34 PM

If my daughter is not willing to share something then it stays in her bedroom. Of course they are her possesions and it should be her choice whether she wants other children to play with them (especially when they're new) but I wouldn't let her have something downstairs to play with in front of mindees and then not share it.

**Twinkle-Toes** · 25-10-2011, 05:39 PM

Originally Posted by rosebud

If my daughter is not willing to share something then it stays in her bedroom. Of course they are her possesions and it should be her choice whether she wants other children to play with them (especially when they're new) but I wouldn't let her have something downstairs to play with in front of mindees and then not share it.

I agree, this is the easiest and most simple way for everyone!!

**caz3007** · 25-10-2011, 05:48 PM

I have been a CM since my son was 2.5, he is now almost 9 and all his new bits and anything he wants to keep for himself goes in his bedroom or into our other lounge (we are lucky, 2 lounges and only one is used for CMing)

**Bitsy Beans** · 25-10-2011, 06:04 PM

I do work on the basis of if anyone (including DD and mindees) bring anything to play they have to be prepared to share it.

However for example if mindee knew dress (for example) was upstairs in DD's bedroom, if she wore it once she'd be asking to wear it again, even if DD wasn't playing with it at the time. What would I say then?

**nic t** · 25-10-2011, 06:05 PM

If there are toys my children don't want to share then they stay upstairs in their bedrooms (although this is rare). Any toys (including those brought by mindees) that are in the "working environment" are for shared use.

**rosebud** · 25-10-2011, 06:11 PM

Originally Posted by Bitsy Beans

I do work on the basis of if anyone (including DD and mindees) bring anything to play they have to be prepared to share it.

However for example if mindee knew dress (for example) was upstairs in DD's bedroom, if she wore it once she'd be asking to wear it again, even if DD wasn't playing with it at the time. What would I say then?

You'd explain that it belongs to your daughter and its not coming out today and find alternative outfits in the minded stuff that she can wear. You will be teaching her about respect for other people's possessions as well as sharing.

**Bitsy Beans** · 25-10-2011, 06:14 PM

Thanks for the replies. I just want to make sure I am being fair to everyone and not giving out mixed signals all the time.

**Anon8319** · 25-10-2011, 06:26 PM

I won't be working on the basis that if it can be seen it has to be shared, because my own approach over the years I've worked with children, has always been that we respect each other, and that involves respecting each other's belongings. When I was teaching, if a child brought a toy in for playtime or for show and tell etc, that didn't make it fair game for every one of their classmates just because it could be seen.

My mindees come into my home and within my home are a lot of belongings that are treasured by me, my husband and my daughter and that should be respected. For younger children, more encouragement is obviously needed here. I have lots of books and I'm not moving the bookshelf out of my lounge because it being there makes the books 'available'; mindees come here and understand that they can play with anything in the playroom but that in other areas of the house there are items not for their use.

Having said all of that, my daughter, who is 18 months old, does have a lovely huge Victorian dolls' house which used to live in the lounge - it was a no-go for mindees but, perhaps understandably, they couldn't keep their hands off it even though my daughter at her tender age knows not to mess with it! It's not a toy as such (she does have a toy one!). So I moved it to her bedroom and it won't come out. There are toys she has been given as presents and they are in her room or in her special baskets/chests which are not for access by mindees.

My mindees know, understand and accept that there are toys that belong to my child and items that belong to me, that aren't necessarily for their use. What I will be doing with my daughter is encouraging her to share as I think it's a nice way to be, but I won't be forcing her as this is her home before it's my workplace so I won't be confining her belongings to her bedroom!!!

**Maza** · 25-10-2011, 06:27 PM

It's hard isn't it? Occasionally mindee brings a toy from home and of course DD wants to play with it as it is an exciting new toy on the premises. He gets tearful and doesn't want to let her touch his toys at all. I had to have a chat with him today how she lets him play with all of her toys all day long and take some with him for his nap etc. He reluctantly let her play with his toy for five minutes if she promised to be careful - which she was.

**uf353432** · 25-10-2011, 06:48 PM

I use my dining room as a dedicated play room, the content of which are a combination of toys that were bought for my children and toys that I have bought or been given for childminding. My children and mindee's can play with anything in that room. My daughter who is 6 understands that some of her toys are stored downstairs and that these are sharing toys, but that by sharing those toys she gets to play with my toys as well. Toys that are new or currently special in her life are kept upstairs in her special basket. She can keep play with them downstairs but she needs to put them back in her room when she stops playing with them else one of the other children might want to play with them or they might get broken. It does work for us, my youngest has only ever shared toys and doesn't get possessive about anything except a teddy which she keeps on her bed.

**miffy** · 25-10-2011, 07:02 PM

Originally Posted by rosebud

If my daughter is not willing to share something then it stays in her bedroom. Of course they are her possesions and it should be her choice whether she wants other children to play with them (especially when they're new) but I wouldn't let her have something downstairs to play with in front of mindees and then not share it.

This is what I did when my children were small.

Also if mindees bring a toy from home the rule is they share it with the others or it goes away until they go home.

Miffy xx

**mandy moo** · 25-10-2011, 07:10 PM

My boys ar'nt young as in toddlers, theyre (only just) 10 & 13.
Since Ive been minding, Ive always had the rule if you dont want the younger minded kids playing with your own stuff, it stays upstairs.
Upstairs (apart from my own bedroom) isnt registered to use, simply because they are that much older and they're toys/stuff may not be appropriate for LO's to play with, and also that they should be able to have space to 'escape to' do homework etc if need be.

**mushpea** · 25-10-2011, 07:37 PM

if my children dont want others to play with somthing then it stays upstairs as upstairs is out of bounds to mindees, they understand that if they bring somthing down it is to be shared the same as if a mindee brings somthing they need to share that too,, I dont think its fair for a child to see a toy and not be able to play with it when another child clearly is.