Really unsure....

[dollydally]

as to what to do. I've posted before about my little mindee (aged 3) who can be a bit of a madam. I'm now into month 3 of looking after her and her sister and nothing seems to have changed except my own children (4 & 5) are becoming less tolerant of her and more antagonising. I posted previously about her smacking random children outside the school gates for no reason and various other things that she does. Today my 5 year old son was giving the baby sister (aged 1) a bit of attention by trying to hold her hand and the 3 year old punched him in the stomach, I can only think it was jealousy. She barges my other son to the ground and he now retaliates pretty quickly which is wearing me out quite a lot. I've started to put the 3 year old in a double buggy next to her sister because she has a tendancy to run off and not come back even when I'm calling really loudly. Today in the pushchair she kept leaning over and squeezing her sister (hugging but roughly) and then spat in her face. I am at such a loss as to what to do. I keep thinking I want to give notice but then that leaves me with no money (just two after schoolies twice a week). Then I think I work 19 hours with these two girls, I don't charge when 3 year old is at playschool so overall it works out I'm getting less than £6 an hour from this family. And I really like the parents and don't want to leave them in the lurch. I have considered telling mum that I'd like to revise the contract to term time only because the thought of having the girls and my boys together for two whole days a week just fills me with dread. During term time, I have the younger sister all day and the older one goes to pre-school for most of the day. My 4 year old is at pre-school all day too. and I have them all from 3pm till 5.30. That's just about manageable. On the second day I have the baby, the 3 year old and my 4 year old all day. In the holidays I have the girls all day on both days and obviously my boys too. I'm sorry this is so long winded and I'm not even sure what I'm asking! Maybe, just what you would do in my situation? There doesn't seem to be an awful lot of work round my way but I suppose I could up the advertising. I hate feeling like this and don't like dreading children coming to my house! Help...

[Shivvie]

Hi Dollydally

First of all, big hugs to you as you sound like you could do with them! It's really hard trying to do the right thing isn't it?

My advice to you would be to go with YOUR feelings and what is best for you and your family. In the past I have always thought of either the child, the parent, money etc etc, but have realised that its how YOU feel, and what the effect is on your family, that is important. If you're not happy then you will begin to really dislike the job.

In the end, you're the only one who can decide what to do, but if its possible that they could go term-time, and you would feel happier about it, then maybe its worth suggesting to mum?

Good luck and hope you manage to make a decision.

[alwaysright]

hi, have you asked the mum what her behaviour is like at home? is she the same or just playing up with you? one of my little ones was a bit of a nightmare recently, hitting etc, i dreaded going anywere as we were getting well known for it!! when her mum collected her i would tell her what she'd done that day, in regards to behaviour i mean, and she would laugh and just let the child run rings round her!! then she would say to me i cant get her to behave, she is so naughty! i ended up sitting down with mum and going through things we needed to do, like working together to try to stop the behaviour, having boundaries etc, i explained that although child was only small she could hear me telling mum about behaviour and then laughing, i tryed to explain she was getting mixed messages. we worked together and the childs behaviour has changed so much recently, thankfully other minders were fed up with their children getting a clout off her

i'd have a word with mum and see what she says first

[dollydally]

Thanks for replying ladies. She is the same at home and as far as I know she is disciplined, naughty chair etc. Parents are very aware and I think mum is on tenterhooks sometimes as to what I'm going to say to her. I've tried praising things she does but it just feels like I'm always telling her off and it's not good for her or me. parents are currently wanting a third baby and i can only see the behaviour getting worse! The other thing is that they are only temporary really (just until mum falls pregnant and goes off on maternity) so by the end of the year they may be gone anyway. I may put it to mum about going term time only - it might leave her completely stuck but then it will be up to her to give notice. i don't want my summer holidays ruined by fighting children! Thanks for the advice. Like you say Shivvie, you tend to go with everyone elses feelings and money rather than what you feel! Deep down I know I would be happier if I wasn't looking after the 3 year old. But i would miss the baby.

[mushpea]

maybe you need to sit down with mum, explain the problem and note down a few incidences you can use as examples of her behaviour,, talk about what you can both do about the behavour so you are both being consistant and put her on a 4 week trial period,, tell mum if the behaviour dosent improve within the 4 weeks then you will give the 3yrold notice either all together or just for the holidays,,,, just becuae they are related dosent mean you need to give them both notice and just talking about it to the parent may be the kick up the bum she needs to deal with the childs behavour, at the end of the day if its effecting your children then maybe its not worth it,,I used to think I would have no work and that i had to take whatever comes,, now I realise that there is always work out there and now I take what suits me and my family ,, i recently put a child on a termtime only contract due to behaviour issues that affected my children and in the hols life is so much easier.

[The Juggler]

i agree with mushpea hon. if you think mum is dreading what you are going to say approach it positively. ask if you can sit down and work a plan out together that will succeed. Ask for her input and then hopefully you can share successes each day with her rather than having to report more behaviour issues.

[Goatgirl]

Hi ,
I think the little girl needs to have the law laid down in no uncertain terms. At any and every misdemeanour I would have her sat on the thinking spot for 3 minutes and explain very simply why. then have her apologise to you or whoever she has wronged and say she will not do it again. If it means she spends a long time on the thinking spot, so be it. Her behaviour is making you miserable, but she is only a little girl and has to be shown in a way she can understand that her behaviour simply wont get her anywhere.

Regarding the running away, I'd just put her on reins rather than in the buggy as its just giving her another opportunity to misbehave. It is a safety issue and if she doesn't like it tough. If she wants to be silly she will have to pay the price. Children misbehaving with me on the school run have to stand next to me and we all stop and wait until the child is behaving before we continue. I just say 'let's wait for x to calm down and behave nicely again' and ignore them (as far as I can without compromising safety).

At the same time I'd have achievement charts for all the children and praise her for all the great things she does.

As others have said, I would also talk to Mum about behaviour. Tell her honestly its having a huge impact on the other children and starting to wear you down. Tell her what you are going to do to tackle the behaviour, how long you are prepared to try it before you will be giving notice ( I agree: you can give notice on just one child from the family: it may be jealousy of the baby that is the reason behind all the behaviour issues and a separate childcare setting may be exactly what she needs!) and that you would really appreciate it if she could support your methods for the most successful outcome.

But saying all that.... If you can do without the income, just give notice and re advertise. You chose this job to have a good time, not a bad one

very best wishes,
Wendy

Really hope it can be sorted out so you don't lose the income

[Mookins]

Hi ,
I think the little girl needs to have the law laid down in no uncertain terms. At any and every misdemeanour I would have her sat on the thinking spot for 3 minutes and explain very simply why. then have her apologise to you or whoever she has wronged and say she will not do it again. If it means she spends a long time on the thinking spot, so be it. Her behaviour is making you miserable, but she is only a little girl and has to be shown in a way she can understand that her behaviour simply wont get her anywhere.

Regarding the running away, I'd just put her on reins rather than in the buggy as its just giving her another opportunity to misbehave. It is a safety issue and if she doesn't like it tough. If she wants to be silly she will have to pay the price. Children misbehaving with me on the school run have to stand next to me and we all stop and wait until the child is behaving before we continue. I just say 'let's wait for x to calm down and behave nicely again' and ignore them (as far as I can without compromising safety).

At the same time I'd have achievement charts for all the children and praise her for all the great things she does.

As others have said, I would also talk to Mum about behaviour. Tell her honestly its having a huge impact on the other children and starting to wear you down. Tell her what you are going to do to tackle the behaviour, how long you are prepared to try it before you will be giving notice ( I agree: you can give notice on just one child from the family: it may be jealousy of the baby that is the reason behind all the behaviour issues and a separate childcare setting may be exactly what she needs!) and that you would really appreciate it if she could support your methods for the most successful outcome.

But saying all that.... If you can do without the income, just give notice and re advertise. You chose this job to have a good time, not a bad one

very best wishes,
Wendy

Really hope it can be sorted out so you don't lose the income

Agreed completely...shes old enough to know better xx