help please.. why won't mindee smile?

[newandlearning]

hi everyone..

I'm still feeling a bit down about this mindee.. I've had the mindee since 9months old and for first 3 months all was ok.. then since xmas mindee doesn't like me doing nappy changes and doesn't lean into towards me when
picked up which hurts my back and won't smile at me or try to interact with me if I'm on the floor playing with others... (mindee now 16mths)

I had a period of really difficult nappy changes which were really upsetting for mindee and me as mindee won't let me wipe and would scream.. these traumatic nappy changes I feel have impacted our relationship.. could it be\?
or am I feel overly sensitive?

I almost feel the mindee doesn't really like me as she will smile and wave at peopple on school run who work there... I feel a lil sad..

could this just be a stage? and what can I do to make things different? the atmosphere when this lil one is here is really sombre and flat

[The Juggler]

oh hon. hugs. you know you could be right that the nappy changing caused a bit of a strange reaction but that doesn't mean mindee doesn't LIKE you

what about making nappy changing fun - if it was that - you could change his perception. perhaps pick a new mat together or choose a toy, book for changing time, get them to help with getting nappies, wipes out of the bag, once changed have a tickle/play for a minute on the changing mat or sing row the boat together. get her giggling then pick her up and give her a cuddle at the end of the nappy change.

If your back is sore too hon, just raise her to her feet whilst you are on your knees and cuddle her and she can walk off (or are you changing her up on a table). If she's higher up say 'can I have a big squeezy cuddle' then whilst you are cuddling her lift her down.

Maybe someone else will have some more ideas soon x

[debratina]

hi
is the upset with all nappie or just pooey one?
the only reason why i ask is that a friend of mine as a lo who is 13 months
and cant poo without screaming it turn out the she as little cuts (fissure) in her back passage and it really hurts when she needs a poo
Debra

[kindredspirits]

my first mindee was like this - as much as i liked her she was just miserable all the time she was here -we very rarely got a smile from her - i always put it down to the fact that her parents started CC at the same time she started coming to me and after about 2 months they were really strict with it, it felt to me like a little spark went out in her eyes from that point.

Are mindee's nappy changes still traumatic? If so I would want to be questioning why - is it something that happens at home as well? Is mindee in pain with poor qualiity wipes or nappy rash? Does she not like being laid on her back for long periods?

I would try going back to basics, get something like a couple of helium balloons and see if you can get everyone running around and laughing so she is interacting as part of the group.

I have to say I currently have a mindee who is about the same age and she has gone from a lovely smiley little thing to someone who never ever smiles at me - but does laugh if i pretend to fall over etc.

[Mouse]

That sounds just like my 18mth old mindee. She used to be really smiley when she first came at 9mths old, but always looks so serious now. She will smile & laugh if we're doing something funny (chasing bubbles, playing hide & seek etc), but the rest of the time she looks so glum. She loves to paint, which we do most days, and I know she's happy when she's doing it, she just doesn't smile. It makes it very hard to take photos showing she's enjoying herself because she looks so miserable on them! She always comes in happily though & is very smiley when her mum comes to get her, so I try not to dwell on it. She comes to me for a cuddle if she's tired, or bumps herself, so she's not totally against me!

She also had a real problem with nappy changes. She's been getting very constipated and is obvioulsy stopping herself from going. When I change her nappy you can tell she's trying to hold it all in and is clearly very uncomfortable. Bending her legs can make her go (sorry if TMI), so she pushes as hard as she can to keep them straight - very difficult to change her with her legs straight out & clenched tightly together. Nappy changes can be a bit of a battle - she screams & I try to do it as quickly as possible, but it's not a nice experience for either of us. Maybe your mindee is going through something similar. I find that when she is very constipated, she's particularly cold towards me. When she'd 'been', she's like a different child - still doesn't smile, but obvioulsy much happier.