advice please

**Happy Bunny** · 29-09-2010, 07:20 PM

Mindee arrived this morning a little bit late, asked her if she has had breakfast yet.
Was informed by mindee that "i'm not allowed breakfast as mummy says i am fat"
Asked her what she has had this morning and she replied " a slice of bread in the car on the way up"
Was at a complete loss for words at this, told mindee to help herself from fruit bowl.
Written this remark down, but how do i address parent on this issue.

**flowerpots** · 29-09-2010, 07:24 PM

how old is mindee? i have a mindee that lies about absolutely everything (including me), i would just sit down with mum and tell her what mindee has said and see wht sort of response you get. :-)

**em29** · 29-09-2010, 07:27 PM

Oh my goodness is this is true then you need to address it immediately. I would have to raise this with the parent - I found this upsetting to read so you must be feeling angry/ upset about it. Is this child likely to be telling the truth?? Or could it be her opinion of herself....either way I would approach the parent and ask if she has breakfast before she comes. Depending on what the parent says I would be up front about it and judge the reaction..i think from the parents reaction you will know if you need to inform your local safeguarding childrens board.

**Happy Bunny** · 29-09-2010, 07:31 PM

Mindee is 6 an does sometimes make up stories but had parent ask me a few months ago if i thought said child was fat and that she think i give her child too big portions of food at dinner time.
Replied to her no she was perfect for her age, i give her child no different to what my children eat and what i think is a reasonable amount for said age range.

**pillows** · 29-09-2010, 07:34 PM

how old is mindee ?
how bout saying to mum " hope you don't mind but xxx mentioned they not had breakfast this morning so let them have some fruit " and depending on your situation you could offer breakfast for £... or in this situation i prob would be inclined to ask if it would help if i provided breakfast ( if you think they are not going to pay)
sometimes parents are in such a hurry... but as for the comment on being fat i wouldnt like to comment without knowing their age .

is there anything else that would suggest neglect in any other areas ??do they bring pack lunch ?? record and monitor very closely ( providing you are sure they are not in need of immediate intervention )

good luck

**pillows** · 29-09-2010, 07:36 PM

sorry i was in middle of replyig when obviously another post was made ref age lol

**em29** · 29-09-2010, 07:40 PM

I do not think the issue here is wether or not the child is eating enough but more so that if she is telling the truth then she is being mentally abused and if breakfast (or other meals) are not given then it is physical abuse. maybe the child has overheard her mother asking if anyone thinks she is fat poor little mite but either way if her mother has not fed her properly because of her worries about weight then this is abuse. This could well have been drawn out of all proportion by the mindee though so just ask some probing questions first. Oh i am nervous for you x

**LisaMcNally09** · 29-09-2010, 07:56 PM

I think this is shocking. I think I would have to get advice from the NSPCC or safeguarding board first and foremost. At the very least the mum needs educating on how to give a healthy, balanced diet and not just skip meals to lose weight especially breakfast. At very worse this is abuse and mental abuse aswell. This poor child is going to grow up having low self esteem, possible body issues and all because mum thinks shes fat!!! My god im so angry for you!!! Some people need to get a grip

**Happy Bunny** · 29-09-2010, 08:12 PM

Thanks for all your comments, i have never been in this position before.
I am going to be writing everything down from now on.
Mindee is a very outspoken, opinionated little person which makes me think they are telling the truth.
I am going to have a chat with parent and see what transpires from our conversation.
I do provide breakfast for mindees if they haven't had any and at no extra charge to parents, the only stipulation is that mindees have to arrive before 8.15am as we leave at 8.30am for school. Late comers are offered fruit to eat on the way.

**Zoomie** · 29-09-2010, 08:53 PM

I have a mindee with a similar problem.

She is 4 and clothes are a bit tight .... well you can expect that from 3 year old clothes.

I have 'corrected' mum when I've heard her say mindee is fat, saying she is growing cos she eats healthily etc, but mindee is starting to say the same thing

.

Should I be recording this ?

**The Juggler** · 29-09-2010, 09:45 PM

i agree little ones often create dramas. like refusing to have breakfast with mum then saying mummy didn't give them any. However, I'd be more worried about poor child's self esteem if she is now viewing herself or hearing others calling her fat

**Blaze** · 29-09-2010, 09:52 PM

I'd be v. worried re mindees self esteem - my Dad called me fat when I was 7 (I had a little puppy fat - what old dears call bonny), my Mum put me on a diet at 8 (no crisps, cakes, sweets etc) with a toy reward if i lost any weight (I didn't though I stuck to the diet) - At 12 I had an eating disorder and was extremely lucky that I didn't effect my fertility...but I have completely messed up my metabolisim....at 13 I attempted to take my own life - a v. serious attempt (& I have to admit I also had a lot of other stuff happening in my life at the time that contributed)...not trying to scare, but it all started with my Dad calling me fat....Poor mite!

**The Juggler** · 29-09-2010, 10:00 PM

Originally Posted by Blaze

I'd be v. worried re mindees self esteem - my Dad called me fat when I was 7 (I had a little puppy fat - what old dears call bonny), my Mum put me on a diet at 8 (no crisps, cakes, sweets etc) with a toy reward if i lost any weight (I didn't though I stuck to the diet) - At 12 I had an eating disorder and was extremely lucky that I didn't effect my fertility...but I have completely messed up my metabolisim....at 13 I attempted to take my own life - a v. serious attempt (& I have to admit I also had a lot of other stuff happening in my life at the time that contributed)...not trying to scare, but it all started with my Dad calling me fat....Poor mite!

oh hon. big hugs

parents need to realise the damage their words can do. it's bad enough name calling at school never mind at home.