Help re crying child when parents leave

**cas2805** · 20-08-2010, 04:01 PM

I mind a 14 month old and have had him 3 days a week since April. He still cries when Mum and Dad leave but as soon as they have gone, I give him some favourite toys or we sing ring a ring o roses and he is all laughter. I know this is still upsetting Mum, who is a friend of mine and I have assured her that he is ok very soon after. Please can I have some advice what to do as I feel sorry for her.

Thanks

**charlie potato** · 20-08-2010, 04:27 PM

my son at 3 yr old used to cry when i left him with the childminder. I'd hand him over at school when on the school run and he'd create. As soon as i was out of sight he'd stop crying. Eventually she rung me once she'd got home to show that he was happy. I think it was just that he didnt want mummy leaving him but was happy in her care so he tried it on.

**Mookins** · 20-08-2010, 04:33 PM

Could you perhaps email or text across a pic?

xx

**cas2805** · 20-08-2010, 04:38 PM

I do text some pics and he takes home lots of photos showing him happy, but I don't think that makes it any easier for Mum to leave him

**Mookins** · 20-08-2010, 04:40 PM

bless her ....id be back picking my dd up if that was me...i hate it...must be very hard for her
hope youget some great tips

xx

**karensmart4** · 20-08-2010, 05:10 PM

I too would take a photo and put a message with it saying something like; 'hello mummy, I'm fine now' and a smilie face and text it to her

**Stillgoingstrong** · 20-08-2010, 05:22 PM

Tell her to pretend to go but wait and listen so she can hear for herself how I quickly the lo is quiet. I have left the window open and a parent has lurked about outside to listen, and I have phoned a parent as soon as the lo is quiet seconds after they have left so they can hear how quickly it stops. I know how hard it is for a parent to leave a crying child - mine used to do it when I left them with the cm who had been a friend since before they were born so I doubly knew there was no problem,but it is still hard. Lurk and listen is my advice

**Bushpig** · 20-08-2010, 05:34 PM

I have this too sometimes... I text/mms a photo if I know they have an iphone/phone them to let them know all is fine.

**ladybug** · 20-08-2010, 05:59 PM

I have a little one like that but mum hangs about and it makes things worse! Have recently started giving him the important job of helping me feed to tortoises, so we go off to do that and mum slips away!

**Stillgoingstrong** · 20-08-2010, 06:04 PM

Originally Posted by ladybug

I have a little one like that but mum hangs about and it makes things worse! Have recently started giving him the important job of helping me feed to tortoises, so we go off to do that and mum slips away!

I tell them to just GO if they hang around and fuss. Tortoises, haven't even seen one in years. I'd love one, reminds me of being a child and we had one called Sammy

Lived for years and years but then fell in the pond

**ladybug** · 20-08-2010, 06:10 PM

Lol yeah I do now, she got the hint after I just whisked him off to the garden!! we have 4 tortoises and one has 3 legs! lol also 4 dogs and 2 parrots so plenty to take minds off of mum!

**Bushpig** · 20-08-2010, 07:41 PM

Parents hanging around makes things worse - the child just gets more worked up... a quick handover is best - for everyone. I also say 'let's go feed Milly' (the bunny), or 'let's go and feed Chewy' (the hamster), and I whisk them away after saying 'bye mummy, we will see you later!'.

**Cazz** · 20-08-2010, 08:57 PM

I have a 16 mth old boy who is the same. I've had him since he was 7 mths old and for the first few months he cried for most of the morning and on and off during the afternoon - it was really hard work.

All of a sudden he got much better - I get on really well with his mum and she always comes in and chats for 10/15 minutes (only comes once a week) but as soon as G knows she's about to leave he turns on the waterworks!

I tell her each week that she can't be out of the road before he stops. I just pick him up and we go to the door and say "bye". This morning he was crying as usual and the moment I put him down in the lounge he stopped and was running around laughing his head off!

I know mum finds it a little difficult but I think she does believe me when I say he stops almost immediately these days. The one time she slipped out without saying bye was much worse as he spent the next hour or so crying and also looking through all the doors (even my understairs cupboard) trying to find her. In the end I had to take him out for a walk in the buggy (in the rain!) to take his mind off it. She hasn't done that again!

I'm sure he will gradually get better - I'm waiting for the Friday when G doesn't cry at all! I may throw a party!! I don't think you can do anymore than you are if you send pictures/texts etc.

**sarah707** · 20-08-2010, 09:09 PM

I have one who bangs his head and screams when daddy drops him off but literally seconds later he is fine.

I asked daddy to come slightly early and listen this morning so he could be reassured. He was and hopefully it's better for him now.

I am considering getting a camera phone for tough times like this too

**Gizmo** · 20-08-2010, 09:16 PM

I have had A since he was 7 mths and Mum has always said he never cries when I leave him, he doesnt miss me, then last week he saw her walking up the drive on her way to the bus and he screamed and screamed next morning he wouldnt let her go crying and screaming and she asked me what to do and I bluntly said well this is what you wanted for a year and its not nice cos I have been there with my two, thankfully he seems to have forgotten about it and has been ok again this week.
Another one has a bit of a cry to wind mum up and I always tell her to look through the window as lo is always playing happily by the time she gets to the car

**blue bear** · 21-08-2010, 09:16 AM

my son used to cry when i left him with his C/M, she let him play with the light switch to distract him, worked like a dream!!

I have a LO who started to fuss when dropped off, I have created a picture of a house with photos of the children, they velcro on when they come to play, this has proved an excellent distraction, he sort of waves to mum with one hand whilst reaching for the photos with the other.

Quick drops offs are easiest on children who kick up a fuss.

**mushpea** · 21-08-2010, 03:49 PM

I look after a 3.5yrold a had him since he was 18months,, up till a month ago he cried as mum left then stopped almost imediatly,, we came to the conclusion that it was just a habbit and insted of distracting him i ignored him and it worked,, just wished i'd tried it a lot earlyer!!

**cas2805** · 23-08-2010, 07:49 PM

Thanks everyone, I will ask Mum to pretend to leave, so she knows he is ok. I may even try the ignoring him, just the once, to see if this works. At least it reassures me that I am not the only one that this happens to. Thanks x x x

TheBTeam · 23-08-2010, 08:28 PM

Originally Posted by fi fi

my son used to cry when i left him with his C/M, she let him play with the light switch to distract him, worked like a dream!!

I have a LO who started to fuss when dropped off, I have created a picture of a house with photos of the children, they velcro on when they come to play, this has proved an excellent distraction, he sort of waves to mum with one hand whilst reaching for the photos with the other.

Quick drops offs are easiest on children who kick up a fuss.

This is pertty much what i do with the 14month old we have 3 days a week, he plays with the door knocker.

**Cazz** · 23-08-2010, 10:08 PM

Originally Posted by cas2805

Thanks everyone, I will ask Mum to pretend to leave, so she knows he is ok. I may even try the ignoring him, just the once, to see if this works. At least it reassures me that I am not the only one that this happens to. Thanks x x x

To begin with I used to take it really personally and thought that he just didn't like me (he was one of my first mindees) - at times I wasn't sure if I could carry on having him as I used to get uptight the closer it got to Friday, but now he comes to me for cuddles and runs around laughing and I'm so pleased I persevered!