Your other halves/partners/husbands/Wives

[vickieford85]

All your parnters appear to be so supportive.

Yes he knew of all this before I started. The reason I currently childmind is because since having our youngest son 15 months ago he is now on rotating shifts of a week of 6-2 a week of 2-10. Where as prior to youngest son he just worked 6-2 so I then went out to work in the evenings.

We are young parents and both sets of parents work so in order for me 2 work a day time job in would mean childcare for both and we just simply can't afford it as we all know being in the business it costs around £300 a month for a meer 2 days a week childcare which defyes the point of going back to work and we wouldn't get the help from tax credits.

I only need to being in £550 a month to help cover the bills, but I so NEED to bring this money in there is no getting round it.

We have downstairs a dining room then connecting living room consevatory then the kitchen. The dining room is not insured so he could have that room but he states that he doesn'e know why he should have to sit on a dining room chair once he comes home from work.

As for the people who's partners help out with your own children and doing the cleaning and cooking I am very envyous. My husband thinks that because I have been at home all day I should have found the time to do the cooking and I should do the cleaning (of entire house), as its the mindees that have made the mess. He also won't take our children to clubs as he states he is only there every other week so whats the point.

Sorry again for the negative posts I'm just feeling so down currently, we are different bedrooms it's gotten so bad I think maybe my childminding was just the tip of the iceburg.
Thanks for reading(also sorry for my bad spelling)

[funfunfun]

My Partner works nights

However my own children on occasion have thrown a wobbler and slamed the occasional door waking him . I can say though he may have a moan when he gets up but usually thats about it

He falls strate back to sleep though . in fact some days i i didnt wake him im sure he wud stay there alllllllllllll day (he he )

Im sure when i actually start with the mindees he will be fine and besides

(he doesnt have a choice ) listen to me : )

[Tinglesnark]

im amazed that he is making you feel bad about this?? i suppose i must be lucky because my dp works long hours but has never mentioned anything about my minding in a derogatory fashion. the toys are a bit of a bugbear but we had all of those before i started so he went out and found some decent storage for me. he just lets me get on with it but i have to say that if he did have a problem with any of it then it would be tough t***ies for him because that is life - i work from home as a childminder or i dont work - they are my terms boyo, take 'em or leave 'em!
noway would i let a man tell me what i can and cant do in my own home....
honestly! anyone would think that they have rights! pah! men! should come with a lockable cage i say!

[monkey62]

All your parnters appear to be so supportive.

Yes he knew of all this before I started. The reason I currently childmind is because since having our youngest son 15 months ago he is now on rotating shifts of a week of 6-2 a week of 2-10. Where as prior to youngest son he just worked 6-2 so I then went out to work in the evenings.

We are young parents and both sets of parents work so in order for me 2 work a day time job in would mean childcare for both and we just simply can't afford it as we all know being in the business it costs around £300 a month for a meer 2 days a week childcare which defyes the point of going back to work and we wouldn't get the help from tax credits.

I only need to being in £550 a month to help cover the bills, but I so NEED to bring this money in there is no getting round it.

We have downstairs a dining room then connecting living room consevatory then the kitchen. The dining room is not insured so he could have that room but he states that he doesn'e know why he should have to sit on a dining room chair once he comes home from work.

As for the people who's partners help out with your own children and doing the cleaning and cooking I am very envyous. My husband thinks that because I have been at home all day I should have found the time to do the cooking and I should do the cleaning (of entire house), as its the mindees that have made the mess. He also won't take our children to clubs as he states he is only there every other week so whats the point.

Sorry again for the negative posts I'm just feeling so down currently, we are different bedrooms it's gotten so bad I think maybe my childminding was just the tip of the iceburg.
Thanks for reading(also sorry for my bad spelling)

He should be happy, supportive and to apreciate because you are trying the best to helpyour family financial and earn some decent money but if he doesn't need your help that means he is able to manage by him self then send him to get a second job to cover your family financial needs

[Mollymop]

My other half is at work all day - he leaves at 5.30am and gets hime around 5.30, so he doesn't really get to see any of the mindees unless he gets home early.

When he used to work nights he would go to bed and get up around 2 while I was about to do the school run and when I got back he was out doing something in the garage or upstairs having a bath out the way!

But he has never complained as he knows its my job - if he doesn't want to be around the children he will go and do something out the way

[The Juggler]

oh hon. I would have a seriousl heart to heart. Without a supportive dp this job can be so hard. I would like someone else said either he's behind you and helps out around the house or you stop minding and he takes a second job to make up the shortfall leaving you with only your kids and time to do the cooking and the house

[caz3007]

My hubby is pretty good. He will often tidy up toys as he gets in around the time the mindies leave and if I work on until 6pm he often sorts out our tea. He is out at work all day, but occassionally if he is off or at home, he sits in the other room. We are lucky cos we have two lounges, one for minding and one for family.

He does moan sometimes but realises without my income we wouldnt eat or have any extras at all, so its a case of needs must. I just wish he would help a little more with the housework, but you cant have everything

[funemnx]

Oh golly I do feel for you! What a stressful situation for you and your family. I can see how hard you're working at this, it's very easy for us to say he should be more understanding but how to make that happen? Maybe he can offer some specific suggestions himself as to how to make this work? As you say, you HAVE to do this job, so how to make it work for all of you? He may be more inclined to change if the ball is put in his court.....

[Pipsqueak]

All your parnters appear to be so supportive.

Yes he knew of all this before I started. The reason I currently childmind is because since having our youngest son 15 months ago he is now on rotating shifts of a week of 6-2 a week of 2-10. Where as prior to youngest son he just worked 6-2 so I then went out to work in the evenings.

We are young parents and both sets of parents work so in order for me 2 work a day time job in would mean childcare for both and we just simply can't afford it as we all know being in the business it costs around £300 a month for a meer 2 days a week childcare which defyes the point of going back to work and we wouldn't get the help from tax credits.

I only need to being in £550 a month to help cover the bills, but I so NEED to bring this money in there is no getting round it.

We have downstairs a dining room then connecting living room consevatory then the kitchen. The dining room is not insured so he could have that room but he states that he doesn'e know why he should have to sit on a dining room chair once he comes home from work.

As for the people who's partners help out with your own children and doing the cleaning and cooking I am very envyous. My husband thinks that because I have been at home all day I should have found the time to do the cooking and I should do the cleaning (of entire house), as its the mindees that have made the mess. He also won't take our children to clubs as he states he is only there every other week so whats the point.

Sorry again for the negative posts I'm just feeling so down currently, we are different bedrooms it's gotten so bad I think maybe my childminding was just the tip of the iceburg.
Thanks for reading(also sorry for my bad spelling)

can you not show him this thread? make him see how much its upsetting you that you are busting a gut to help keep your family afloat and getting no support.

Of course we all appreciate that our other halves need some space and time but at the end of the day us minders ARE WORKING TOO. Just because we are home all day doesn't mean we are being ladies (or gents) of leisure.

sounds like your hubs needs a kick up the rear end tbh - would you like us to descend on your home and come round and educate him.... Miffy is really handy with a bat, Sarah is good with words the rest of us are pretty darned intimidating

Honestly, my hubs does get a bit fed up occasionally of kids, posters, mess, playdoh etc at times but he has finally come round to the idea that i am working to the point he does help out and comes up with fab ideas (although I might have planted them there first lol).

don't apologise for the manner of your posting - you need some support and help and you aren't getting it from your fella therefore you are getting it from us.

if all else fails hun - do what you would do with a whinging, uncooperative child - IGNORE!

[FussyElmo]

I am fairly new to the childminding game less than 6 months in but it is seriously having a bad effect on my marriage.

My husband really isn't coping with having children in the house all day. I don't really have a choice when it comes to the job, my husband works shifts since having our youngest child, we can't afford childcare however I need to bring in a wage to cover our bills.

How is everyone else other halves about it?

I can understand how both of you are feeling. It is a hard job to be doing in the house and if your dh is like mine then he wont understand that we cant do the housework when the children are there.

It has taken me nearly 4 years to get it througvh to my dh that I will not iron tidy the upstairs etc when I have mindees here.

We have finally come to a compromise I try and keep on top of everything and he pitches in to help when I ask but not to moan when I havent done something.

Couldnt you use the dining room instead of your dh so he gets to relax when he gets in from work. Not sure what time you work till but if he relaxed in the living room for say an hour while you did an activity would that make things easier.

Hope things improve and you can find a compromise.

[mamasheshe]

oh dear hope he understands xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Mookins]

please tell me if im overstepping the mark here, i should mind my own business....
but it soundsto me like whatever you do you cant win....beginning to think that thiswill be make or break time for you.i dont know but maybe there was problems before you were minding that were bubbling under the surface

i really really hope im wrong, maybe hes just being an "idiot" and cant see the benefits but personally from your posts id say the bloke is a pig and you deserve a bit of bloomin respect!

im sending you loads of hugs and loads more...and a poke in the eye for him

[Monkey26]

My partner gives the odd comment of:
"God, more toys" when I have had a lil spending spree!
"How am I supposed to sweep the floor when there are toys everywhere?!" when I have piled them all up because I know we will be using them the next day
“This house looks like a nursery” this one only comes out when we have friends over for dinner or the parents down!
Or the classic last night "f***!!!" followed by a wee sofa punch- stood on a piece of Lego I had missed... oopsie!!!

But all in all she is very helpful, appreciates how much work I put into minding-especially all the paperwork in the evenings-, tackles the washing up that has piled up throughout the day and best of all the kids adore her!!! So much so I hardly get a look in when she comes home from work (finishes at 3.30pm three days a week!)-just enough time for me to catch up on communication books, in the same room of course!

We have been together 2.5years and I have been minding 3.5years so she didn't really have much choice in my career path haha
I really hope you and your OH sort it all out, childminding can be very lonely sometimes and hard work (but so worth it!) so a good home life is always important. Be honest with your OH about how this is making you feel-good luck xx

[Carol M]

I say that most nights about the lego!
No children present, honest!!
Carol xx

[Bushpig]

I am sorry to hear this... I really think you need to have a heart to heart and reach a compromise... him accepting that your home is now also a place of work... and perhaps you could make use of the dining room more for the kids and leave the lounge for him a bit? Not the easiest I know!

My hubby works long hours - leaves at 6:45am, comes in, shattered, by 6:15pm if traffic is good ... and if there are kids here, he puts his stuff down and immediately (bless him!) sits and reads to them, they love him! He has had frustrations in the past re the toys etc (we don't have kids of our own), but has come to really appreciate my hard work (and the £££!!!)... and rarely comments in a negative manner.

He also knows I am sooooooo happy doing this job, having had a career change 3 years ago (am a senior graphic designer)... and understands his little sacrifices are very little compared to the joy I have looking after the kids. (His own words).

I do make every effort to ensure my home is tidy by home time... the kids tidy up before they get dressed for home time. I am also nowhere near as enthusiastic as I was once re putting posters everywhere... our home looked like a nursery school! Now, I don't have posters downstairs, only upstairs in the playroom... and I use window clings downstairs to decorate - they're fab

It's the little considerations that make all the difference... this does have to go both ways though. And if hubby cannot get his head round sharing his home with other children... then he has to make a plan to cover the shortfall in funds you have every month.

[BlondeMoment]

My husband works shifts too. He is very laid back and it doesn't bother him at all. We don't have children of our own so it has been a big change. However due to the long hours I now work and the mess the house gets in.... he does have to help more. We have discussed it a few times and he likes the money I bring in too much to complain.
He calls helping me his part time job. The children all love him. x

We don't have children of our own either. It's really upended our very small house. But we've got a big spare room and at the weekend everything child related gets shut in there so we can reclaim our newlywed "childfree" house.
My husband leaves the house at 7.30am and doesn't get home till almost 7pm so he doesn't see most of them. But on the few times he has been around he's been really good. Escapes to X box in our room if al a bit much and he wants to chill LOL

[angiemog]

I really feel for. I echo what has already been said, sit down and talk maybe away from the house. Childminding does need alot of giving and taking.
Ask him what he expects or wants from you. The shifts he does I can't see why this is a huge problem. 2 til 10, get out and about some mornings (which you say you do) there shouldn't be too much time that he 'has' to spend with mindees. 6-2 ok theres a few hours in the afternoon, I think he is being a little unreasonable. If my house needs a good clean I say to my hubbie I need 2 hours of your time then you can have the rest of the day to do what you want (this is only at the weekend or maybe an hour in the evening)
My husband is really supportive and only has the occasional winge.
I would state the alternatives, give him some options. Then if he agrees that childminding is the better option then ask him to help/support you in it.
People are all so different, the talking/discussing may not work for you but it will for some. I do try and do little jobs as and when. Yesterday while the lo were eating I cleaned the bottom of my fridgeclapping: (Just the bottom though) Something I've meaning to do for ages. I do make quick phonecalls/send a quick email when they are settled. If you have mindees that all sleep at the same time, use this time to do a bigger job. I know there are times when all I want to do is sit down and chill but I feel better knowing I have done something productive.
I am a list maker. I list everything I need to do and look at it when I have a spare few mins, the same with cleaning. I list all the little jobs, I also hand this to my husband and he gets to pick which one he wants to do. It may sound like I treat him like a child but he doesnt think about what needs to be done I do have to tell him.
Good luck. I hope it all gets easier for you. I'm sure it will it will just take time.
A big hug xxxx

[merry]

[QUOTE=Mookins;718547]
but it soundsto me like whatever you do you cant win....
personally from your posts id say the bloke is a pig and you deserve a bit of bloomin respect!
QUOTE]

Im glad to see someone else thinking the same as me, he sounds like a spoilt child wanting everything all his own way and no compromise or thought for anyone but himself. I'd agree with putting the ball in his court and asking him what he thinks a better solution would be. Or else smile, make sympathetic noises and get on with things the way you see fit anyway.

[Bitsy Beans]

We argue (when mindees aren't there), because he no longer has the time to watch his programmes on the telly as I feel they are unappropreaiate.
The noise level, the fact that he feels he can't relax once in from work or going out to work.
The amount of toys etc etc the list could go on and on. He doesn't do a night shift thankfully.

I have already resorted to finding mums and tots, childminder groups etc on every morning so that when he is on afternoons he has the house to himself. But I feel every time i do something to try and improve it makes matter worse and it no longer feels like home and he shouldn't have to go into a bedroom to watch the telly.

I would be asking since you've tried to accomodate him and compromise why can't he? At the end of the day what else is he suggesting? Not point whinging about the situation if you haven't got a helpful solution for the issues that bother you.

I am suprised with children of his own he's not used to more toys and general mess. As for complaining about not being able to watch stuff on his TV - well he wasn't in a position to before you had your son so not sure why this is such a big issue all of a sudden.
TBH it smacks of being a spoilt brat because he can't have everything his own way and perhaps punishing you for not being available for wait on him hand and foot?

Honestly would he rather he had NO house to come home to as that's the alternative if you don't work to pay the bills

[miss mopple]

Its so hard trying to find a way to compromise sometimes. My DH used to work shifts (still does occasionally) and I really felt we had to tiptoe around him at times, although he was never affected by the noise the kids made once asleep luckily ( we had our loft converted and so we sleep 2 floors up which really helped).

The hardest time for him was when he woke in the afternoon and wanted to come down and chill/ eat etc. I tried to ensure that the children were out of his space as much as possible, either by us being at groups or just being out playing in the garden. He knows that we need the money I bring in so he has had to find a way to work with me on it too over the years.

We've jiggled the house round so my dining room is now my playroom and that has helped too as the kids use that mainly so the lounge isnt full of toys.

If he wanted to watch tv he had to do it upstairs but that didnt really worry him

I would sit your OH down and really talk to him to try to find a way you can work together so everyone is happy as its such a hard job of you dont have a supportive partner

good luck
xx