really need advice...help!!

**bree** · 19-02-2009, 02:55 PM

hi girls
firstly can i say i will sooooo appreciate any reply to this, i feel im at my wits end!
In Jan i began a weaning in process with a little boy i was going to childmind. this involved looking after him once or twice a wk for 3-4hrs, it went well & he had fun, i gave him my full attention ... this continued & so he began his full time place last wk. He is 10months & requires 1to1 attention ALL of the time, if i turn to wash my hands/fetch lunch/see to my other kids ( i have 2others) he cries&cries&cries....no tears just constant crying!its making it impossible to do anything & the other kids are getting really annoyed ( im sure they must be getting a head ache at this point

)..... the only possible time i can get him to stop is during floor play & because im at arms lenght he will then be ok ( tho not totally satisfied either) ...he just wants to be held at all times..........WHAT AM I TO DO? i dont wanna lift it round everywhere, both cos its encouraging &impossible. iv told Mum & she presumes he'l come round...& asked me "does singing not work?"...Lord God id sing alllllll day if it did !!
pls tell me how long this will last for...a wk later & my mind is fried!

**estrelas** · 19-02-2009, 03:11 PM

sorry but this made me laugh, which is totally no help to you at all

My only advice is my daughter was the same when i first left her with a childminder, she cried the whole time (6 hours) for about a month, the childminder was totally demented and we were close to giving up!! but she did eventually stop.#

Sorry not much use to you some of the more experienced people will be along soon

Goodluck anyway x

**Daftbat** · 19-02-2009, 03:13 PM

Take a breath -

I have had mindees who are very demanding and so has a cm friend of mine - it does usually pass but i sympathise with you whilst it is going on. Its normally a transition phase - i thi nk that although we do the settling in the child does know when things change and they are just fighting against it. Keep calm and try to do other things even if he is still moaning about not having you to himself. make it plain to him using body language that others will need your attention e.g. give another child a cuddle but still talk to him - then do it the other way around. Bring him into the room you are in whilst for example you wash the pots and make sure you complete your task even if he is moaning - then give him attention. Obviously you will know how far you can push things without upsetting him too much but beleive me it usually passes.

Sending hugs anyway to help you through

**gegele** · 19-02-2009, 03:16 PM

hello,

sorry but i don't think there is magic solution. i'm just pre reg so didn't have to deal with it myself yet, never hopefully.
BUT my dd old childminder had a little girl like this and sat her down by her feet when she was sitting down on sofa, and encourage her to play with something on floor, so baby knew she was here, then she left her to gograb things and reassure her by saying what she was doing and that she was coming back, then she left the room for 1sec ect.... it took her a couple of weeks but then each time she left the baby would look at her and trusted her that she would come back!

that's what i did with my spoilt son who was always carried lol, i put him down for seconds, then 1 min ect.... building his confidence, trust and feeling of security, i wasn't there but h ewas safe and if he called i'd be there! he's happy now.

ggod luck, hopefully someone will have more or better advice.

**sonia ann** · 19-02-2009, 04:40 PM

Hello .I am so sorry you are going through this it is so hard at the time.I quite agree with all the advice given.Try and keep calm,be patient---the little boys world has been turned upside down. You obviously can't walk around with him on your hip all day . Stay nearby , talk to him , constantly reassuring him with your tone of voice and by touch eg stroke his head ,try and distract with toys etc, try and resist his attempts to be picked up immediately (you could even count to 20 slowly in your head if it helps) Most of all be consistent and this time will pass.Is he attempting to walk yet? Sometimes once they are walking it is easier.
Sonia

**Mags** · 19-02-2009, 04:53 PM

Your not alone

I have had a small baby for months now and have done everything i can think of to stop her screaming the minute i turn my back on her....nothing works. Spoke to mum who says she does it at home too

and thinks that baby just has a very strong personality ??
Like you say it can distress other children and their needs should be thought about too.
The only thing keeping me going with this one is the fact that i know the contract is soon to end. Not much help to you i know...but after this experience it has certainly put me off screamers for life, so if i did get another like this i would seriously think about ending the contract sooner rather than later for the sake of everyones sanity.

**huggableshelly** · 19-02-2009, 04:54 PM

popping in but I have no new advice from what has already been stated.

I hope he settles real soon for you, the only thing I could suggest is maybe have a special toy or doll/teddy - emotional development, when you return to him say oh look teddy isnt crying and has a happy face where is your smile.

I know it may be a little advanced for him being so tiny but it may work. I've never minded a child under 2.

**youarewhatyoueat** · 19-02-2009, 10:45 PM

I had a similar problem and found that if I put the baby in a buggy and had them watching me and the other children they felt secure.Obviously you can't do this for long periods of time and we also had cuddles but I did feel it helped.We read books all together and they joined in the activities but from the security of the buggy.I also gave them a silky blanket and a teddy,maybe the child has something they could bring from home even mums jumper or something familier.hope it helps.caroline
p.s. i'm new on here and very impressed with all the help and support available

**angeldelight** · 20-02-2009, 07:39 PM

Hope he settles with you soon but its still early days

If you are only having him a few hours a week then hes getting used to you then not seeing you again for a whole week so thats not ideal

You did make me laugh the way you told your sorry haha but thats no help to you is it

Hope things get better for you soon

Angel xx