Settling in issues
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  1. #1
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    Default Settling in issues

    Hi all,
    I've started looking after a 7 month old, its 2 hours first thing, 3 or 4 times a week.
    LO was only able to have one settling session because the family was away and missed their flight back.
    They've been coming for 2 weeks now, so 6 sessions of less than 2 hours each. And all they've done is scream except once when they seemed happy enough.
    They won't take a bottle from me, doesn't matter what I do they don't calm down until they fall asleep from exhaustion, unless I walk about carrying them which obviously I can't do every morning.
    I have school children coming for breakfast starting next week and this constant screaming is not going to be a great start to their day.
    Obviously I'm not expecting this child to settle immediately. But how long would you give it before assuming they're just not going to settle at all?
    Thanks for any suggestions.

  2. #2
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    Pacey suggest a 4-week settling in period on their contracts and I find 4 weeks is a good length of time to see if it is working.
    Sounds like this LO is just not getting enough time to form any attachment to you. Can you discuss extending hours? or a few extra half-day sessions ?

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  4. #3
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    Thanks Moggy.
    Today I have asked to have the LO for longer as I don't feel that she is settling well with such short sessions. She was here for an hour this morning.
    I was told no 2 hours a day is fine.

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    Separation anxiety at this age is not unusual, combine that with only being at a setting for upto 2 hours before being moved, is not conducive to a happy, secure baby
    Can I ask why it's only upto a 2 hour block? Is it because they're going to or come from another care setting?

    A sling might be worth investing in, but I would seriously also be considering whether the arrangement is worth continuing as baby needs something more than you're able to give (understandably so)

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    ah i really feel for you - I have a similar issue but baby comes longer session - slightly older baby too but won't eat, won't settle for sleep. At first just cried constantly - I have had improvements and is settled now when i cuddle but only really happy and content if i hold / cuddle ALL THE TIME!! However, the baby was away last week and I have felt like a different person and realised its not just the baby that i don't seem to be able to give what it needs but the other children in the setting aren't having the focus and attention they deserve either. ALso I felt so relieved and realised how much anxiety i feel when child is coming that day!

    Instead we had so much fun and did so many activities that i just haven't been able to do one handed with a fussy demanding baby! I've kept the mum up to date with progress but been honest about how difficult it is as a lone practitioner and how clingy and upset baby is! (She thinks its wonderful that he loves me so much and is so attached to me but I just think he is really insecure in general!) I have never had such a demanding baby and am thinking of giving notice even though it is well past the 4 week settling in (so i'd have to give 4 weeks notice)

    Things i have tried that have helped are playing peek a boo so child gets used to not seeing you and then you are there, sitting with child on lap to play , then next to, then inching slowly a bit further away, (but then sometimes complete panic and crying - same as when child crawls away itself and suddenly realises its on other side of room!) also putting child in high chair to play so they can see you and everyone else but be independent (this has been most useful for this child) and just recently i have been trying delayed gratification - so when the baby instantly starts crying when i put them down i don' t pick them up straight away - this has been interesting because sometimes they stop as if they are thinking 'why am i even crying?' (doesnt always work!) However even with this small progress because child spits out food and won't settle to sleep i still have 2 -3 hours a day when child is inconsolably crying and is distraught / hungry / tired!
    I probably should have given notice a really long time ago but have never had a child be so unsettled for so long and I think the parent is struggling and granny won't help becaue child is so difficult!

    Fingers crossed for you xx

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    Oh bluebell!

    I could have written your post! I had one of those ... we could get to several weeks of happiness and then from nowhere several weeks of sheer hell! Mum was good but just said "that's what child is like"!!! Finally child left for nursery! I felt so free.

    I have a new child who is settled, but obviously at home is picked up the moment he squeaks ... ( 18mths! ) ... We are slowly learning that screaming doesn't get you what you want!

    However ... back to OP ... 2 hrs a day is just not long enough especially as they are coming at a busy time. If I have a squeaky baby, I tend to put them in buggy so they are safe and secure and pop it where they can see me, but I'm not sure that will work for you. I would talk about extending hours. Good luck xx

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  10. #7
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    Hi hbcm,

    Wondered how you were getting on? I really hope your new LO is starting to settle!

    Update on mine - I gave 4 weeks notice to my little one and felt terribke, really guilty that I hadn't been able to help this little one or his family but really felt I had gone above and beyond and tried everything! Other little ones were getting upset and I have a new little one starting on one of the days and I just thought I can't do it! (new one is 7 months, crier has just turned one last month. I perservered for nearly 4 months and felt it wasn't fair on child either to be so upset all the time. Had conversations with both parents, Mum wouldn't really accept any of it - she is real helicopter parent, picks him up all the time and sleeps with him, doesn't let him cry at all. Dad was more honest - he is like it at home too - demanding and crying.
    So I gave them 4 weeks notice, they came for one week, left saying they didn't think they would need me the next week as hoping to have sorted something out - have 'forgotten' to pay me for the last week (2 days) its eased my conscience a whole lot because now I don't feel guilty I feel really p***d off that I bent over backwards for them and stuck it out for so long and they've left owing me money - grrrr!! I have sent them a nice little message reminding them and they have said oh sorry yes we will pay, but haven't so will have to chase properly.

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  12. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bluebell View Post
    Hi hbcm,

    Wondered how you were getting on? I really hope your new LO is starting to settle!

    Update on mine - I gave 4 weeks notice to my little one and felt terribke, really guilty that I hadn't been able to help this little one or his family but really felt I had gone above and beyond and tried everything! Other little ones were getting upset and I have a new little one starting on one of the days and I just thought I can't do it! (new one is 7 months, crier has just turned one last month. I perservered for nearly 4 months and felt it wasn't fair on child either to be so upset all the time. Had conversations with both parents, Mum wouldn't really accept any of it - she is real helicopter parent, picks him up all the time and sleeps with him, doesn't let him cry at all. Dad was more honest - he is like it at home too - demanding and crying.
    So I gave them 4 weeks notice, they came for one week, left saying they didn't think they would need me the next week as hoping to have sorted something out - have 'forgotten' to pay me for the last week (2 days) its eased my conscience a whole lot because now I don't feel guilty I feel really p***d off that I bent over backwards for them and stuck it out for so long and they've left owing me money - grrrr!! I have sent them a nice little message reminding them and they have said oh sorry yes we will pay, but haven't so will have to chase properly.
    oh bluebell ... i didn't want to 'like' as such, but to say well done for giving notice and i am so sorry that now they owe you money.

    OP, i too hope things are settling for you x

  13. #9
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    Oh bluebell, that's so annoying that you will have to chase the money. It would totally ease my conscience too though, silver lining and all that.

    Sometimes it takes them to be away for a day or so to help us realise the impact they are having on everyone. Well done for taking back control.


    Are you enjoying being back in childminding? I seem to remember you had some time out for a while.

  14. #10
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    Maza thank you - I do for the most part love being back in childminding but it's the same old story - toys and craft taking over my house, long days to accommodate working parents (even parents that don't pay apparently!) And I do miss teaching. All in all though love being back and can't imagine leaving again in the immediate (or even distant) future.

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  16. #11
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    Loocyloo - thank you so much - things feelmmuxh more settled and happier. We've been so busy doing different activities that we haven't been able to do - just little things like jigsaws together and craft and so on - I feel so glad I gave notice (and a little bit bad that I didn't put the other children first sooner!!)

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