anxious or -  untrusting parent
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  1. #1
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    Default anxious or - untrusting parent

    i have a parent who nearly every single session asks how her child is and for a photo. Theyve been with me a year and still i get asked for this. They have a detailed learning journal i complete, photos sent in bulk every now and then, daily diary. Are they just massively anxious or untrusting would you say? It really gets to me as i feel i go over and above and send them a really detailed diary every session that has never not been completed etc, never had any concerns with child, no issues nothing....

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    Some parents are anxious, it is a big thing to trust someone with your children, though a year later you would have thought she would have settled to you.
    I must admit I went ott on building relations initially with parents to ensure they were happy and then they left me alone generally.
    In this digital, selfie, constantly taking photos world lots of parents like photos now, a snap shot of a focussed happy child is more settling for them than a page of info and progress comments etc...
    This is one of the reasons I opted for an online software programme which enabled me to write the diary and upload photos daily. My parents often said they caught up on the diaries later in the evening but always had a quick look at the photos...giving them security in they looked like their day had gone well and something to show child and give a talking point about what they were doing. They knew if there had been issues by my handing over feedback which I tried to keep positive but sometimes needed to discuss a concern.

    Is she asking about the child on pick up? If so then I would interpret this as someone who likes a quick verbal feedback, with follow up detail in their diary. Has there been any issues with the child that means she likes to check...a parent I once had used to ask worryingly everyday if her child had behaved as the LO was finding it difficult to get to grips between right and wrong...at our half termly feedback I established that I would mention if there was an issue she didn't need to ask every day, I tried to get in first with a positive comment about the day and she soon relaxed into a happy pick up. Her previous care had been met every night with a misdemeanour tale so I could see how that made her anxious. So perhaps a review meeting might resolve her issues, an up to date progress discussion so that you can take in to account the parents assessments and views and then a next steps decision...her worries might be aired which gives you an opportunity to establish a way forward that suits you both.

    I think you have to earn trust by a parent, everybody wants to automatically trust but in the real world we have to work on it. I have found that there is no one system that makes everyone happy, you need to sometimes approach some parents differently, just like you do with children. It probably won't be to do with you and your practise, it's just that some parents are more anxious than others.

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    I also have a parent who is like this. The child has been with me from 11 months old and this month has started school. I use to send a whatsap photo every morning, approx. half an hour/hour after they arrived saying what they've just done and they're happy/chatty etc just to 'get it over with'. Now this may sound unkind but if I didn't I'd get a text asking for one. I tried lots of different approaches ignoring the text till a more convenient time, chatting longer at drop off/pick up but the parent still asked for a morning update. I also sent home daily diaries etc but I think the parent needed to physically 'see' the child in a photo maybe to reassure themselves during their working day. So I just did it. All parents are different and this is the way it has developed. They now have started to text me 'minutes' after the school opening to see if their son 'went in ok?'. So I reply politely and have to hope this will dwindle. Some parents really feel they are missing out with their children being in childcare so I suppose we have to help ease their pain somehow.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by mumofone View Post
    i have a parent who nearly every single session asks how her child is and for a photo. Theyve been with me a year and still i get asked for this. They have a detailed learning journal i complete, photos sent in bulk every now and then, daily diary. Are they just massively anxious or untrusting would you say? It really gets to me as i feel i go over and above and send them a really detailed diary every session that has never not been completed etc, never had any concerns with child, no issues nothing....
    I had a parent like this many years ago and she would ring me every day in her lunch break. This went on for 10 years! first it would annoy me but then it became so normal I just went with it, the call only lasted a minute just for her to ask 'how is she' and that was all she needed. On the other hand I've had parents who hand their child over with a bag and say 'see you later' with no info whatsoever. So as other posts have said they're all different so don't read too much into it.

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    I doubt it's anything to do with you.

    Every single day when I am at work and DH drops DD off at school I text him first chance I get. I know full well he would let me know if she didn't get into school ok, but I still have to text. Then I can just merrily get on with my day, having had confirmation that all is well.

    If you have her in for a review you could ask her what her preferred type of communication is. You never know, she might get the hint, or say that you could drop the diary and the photo/text is enough.

    Truth is, you are probably really, really helping her and are making her day with the photo and text. Just think of the good deed you are doing when you send it next time, knowing that you are making it less painful for someone to be parted from their bubba. Maybe this is a big part of the reason she chooses you over a nursery. x

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  8. #6
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    Thanks everyone, i'm really not sure what it is, i think they are very anxious generally so hopefully that's it.

 

 

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