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  1. #1
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    Default Help needed

    Hi everyone.

    Im in tears as I write this Ive had a little boy since Nov 2015 he came to me from a nursery. Mum said they had targeted him and made a report to the area Senco which was a pack of lies. Anyway mum was referred to the health visitor and he was given the all clear.

    Ive worked really hard with mum to bring little man on. When he came back after xmas he began having some pretty bad temper tantrums for example throwing chairs , throwing himself on the floor running at walls head banging on walls the whole lot. Hes so bad he even has to go in a buggy for school runs hes a big lad and very powerful.

    Anyway since then i was working with mum trying new startergies to help but it came to a point when I suggested to mum that we needed to get some outside help. She agreed but asked if I could do it when I called the area senco as soon as I gave the little boys first name they knew exactly who I was talking about it turns out that mum was offered help with him but she told them point blank no. Since then I have been working with the senco practioner she has helped me develop resourses to help me when looking after little man.

    I have been told by mum that she is on a wait list for an appointment via the health visitor and I have expressed concerns that he is becoming dangerous mum carries him almost everywhere he climbs, jumps and throws pretty much non stop and if he dosent get his way then it all goes crazy yesterday he headbutted me in the stomach and almost knocked me over.

    This afternoon we had some heavy rain so we had to come in from the garden he went crazy he was kicking my back door ruuning at the wall throwing himself on the floor and literally throwing anything he could get his hands on. After the school run when he goes home every night i unclip the buggy so he can run around just before he goes home he has started not getting out and just sits there and screams because he wants me to lift him out i never do that hes way too heavy and at 4 years old he can do it himself. His older sister came along this evening came straight up to him and said please dont start tonight I dont have the energy for your tantrum with that he threw himself on the pavement she picked him up and carried him off. 20 mins later mum rang to say he had a bump on the back of his head I did tell her everything that had happened that afternoon and to be honest he didnt even cry or communicate any issues. Mum said she was going to take him to the GP and we would be having a conversation later when she decides what her next steps are. She then said that his behaviour at home is totally fine hes only having these behaviour issues with me. Two days ago she told me and my assistant that her older daughter locks herself in her room because she wants nothing to do with her brother because of the way hes acting. The sister told me last week she cant believe how bad his tantrums are. Im so stressed out and scared stiff do I contact ofsted just in case she does im in a state i cant think straight.

  2. #2
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    Take it one step at a time...

    First to protect yourself and the other children you need to suspend the child - he is a danger to himself and everyone around him and you cannot manage this by yourself.

    Give yourself some breathing space.

    Second you need some help - before you accept the child back.

    If the parent is in denial and won't accept help then that's their decision but you cannot care for the child without a plan in place that is followed with you and at home.

    Hugs xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah707 View Post
    Take it one step at a time...

    First to protect yourself and the other children you need to suspend the child - he is a danger to himself and everyone around him and you cannot manage this by yourself.

    Give yourself some breathing space.

    Second you need some help - before you accept the child back.

    If the parent is in denial and won't accept help then that's their decision but you cannot care for the child without a plan in place that is followed with you and at home.

    Hugs xx
    I agree with above and also send you big big hugs.

    Do you have a written record of behaviour? If not, write one now, and list what you have tried to set in place, and what support you have offered. I would also write down what mum and sister have said about his behaviour at home.

    More hugs xx

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    Great advice.
    I would also make sure every incident is recorded and medical procedure followed. So write up today's incident under medical too and that you checked him after his initial fall down. The bump may have taken time to come out and your records will show that it wasn't there, or that it was and you treated it accordingly.

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    Thank you so much had a very bad night what do you think I should do about ofsted do I inform them?

    Susie.

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    So sorry to read this, if it were me I would be informing ofsted but it's your call. Sending prayers love and hugs your way xx

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    Mum text me today to ask if she could pick up his stuff all nice on the phone I said yes. Mum sent her daughter to pick up his things and showed me a picture of his bump it wasn't on his head it was the side of his face which he didn't have when he left me he must have done it when he threw himself down on the pavement when sister picked him up. I told sister that I was still here for the family and mum needed to continue with the referral. Mum sent me a nasty message saying that Senco was having nothing to do with her son and tomorrow she is taking him to the doctors as it's a medical problem. Senco came to see this afternoon and have taken notes of everything she told me to go the doctors and get checked over after what he did the other day I'm totally terrified now about what is going to happen I'm torn between contacting social services because I'm terrified he's going to seriously hurt himself and what do I do about ofsted do I pre warn them. I'm so stressed out .


    Susie

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    Sorry this has happened, but please, don't go beating yourself up.

    Personally, I would be making a timeline of events/conversations/texts etc, and would keep that with the childs formal paperwork (all the stuff we need to keep until the child reaches 21yrs and 6 mths)
    Armed with the timeline, I would then contact LADO and inform them of what has happened/been said to date, including the contact details of the SENCO that came to see you.
    That way, you have flagged the family with them, which is your job to do.
    If the SENCO contacts LADO, and you haven't, that could potentially create a problem for you later - why didn't you flag it...

    OFSTED - advise them you have had a dispute with a parent which could potentially spark a complaint, (although my guess is that the parent is in denial so wouldn't want to instigate/highlight any further attention to herself or her son) and if they want to know more details, they will discuss this with you.

    I agree with the SENCO, you need to get yourself checked out, apart from anything else, you will have this incident recorded officially should anything come up in the future.

    Other than that, there's little more you can feasibly do. Whatever happens, will happen. All you can do is deal with it as it arises, if it arises.

    Then, as hard and as difficult as it sounds, move on from it.
    You can only do so much with a family in the short time they are with us.
    You've done nothing wrong, and if the parent cannot/doesn't/won't see what the problem is, they will never accept help willingly.
    At least by reporting to LADO and SENCO you HAVE done something.

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  11. #9
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    Reminds me of a child in our village pre-school many years ago. I used to help out there before becoming a CM and we had a 3 year old who acted almost the same as the boy you describe. He would have horrendous tantrums and at the time we were lucky to have a trained Senco helper on hand as they were looking after another child in the setting. But it wasn't fair on her as she wasn't paid to look after that kid as well.
    The parent was in total denial about all behaviours and eventually took the child out.
    Saw her a few years later and her child was much older (7) and he was still out of 'control', but I would have thought that by then she would have accepted that there was a problem.

    Some parents DONT want to know. All you can do is make sure that yourself and the other children are safe.
    Need a laugh? Visit my website: www.unclegargy.deviantART.com

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