help new screaming 1 year old, I dont know what to do!
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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
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    Default help new screaming 1 year old, I dont know what to do!

    Hi all, I have a LO who has just turned 1 on a mon/tues all day. I did lots of settling sessions and LO was always fine, no trouble at all. well I am 4 weeks in now and all LO does is cry, the separation from parents is fine no tears whatsoever. The minute we get in coats off the crying starts. LO is a first child so used to getting all the attention. during the day I have one 3 year old of my own, and a 21/2 year old that I mind. we are a nice quiet bunch, the older children are nice and sedate, and luckily play really well together. but baby just screams the whole time, if I pick up the screaming stops. If I go to help one of the others, or pop out of sight for one second LO screams, and I mean really screams, I never leave LO alone, if I go to another room to do something I take baby with me, and put in a playstation, while I'm cooking that type of thing. If I go to the loo I put little one in the playpen, and my goodness all hell breaks loose! the screaming is basically constant unless I hold all the time, and I am not prepared to do that, its just not possible.

    So what should I do, I just cant take it anymore, has anybody had experience of this? how did you handle it? I have had 3 babies of my own within 3 years, the eldest being 6 now, and I think I have a reasonable bit of experience in their needs. but this baby just screams all day, I cant do anything. I am thinking parents probably give constant attention, and LO is not used to self soothing, but would you do what needs to be done, share out the attention and care for each child as required, and just let LO scream it out?

    Please help folks, not one of my babys was ever this needey!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    By the sea
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    If I have a child like that I try them in a buggy or carseat. Sometimes if they're strapped in they feel a bit more secure and will watch what's going on around them. I also find it helpful to have some face-to-face time with them, so if they're strapped in I'll sit in front of them and play, sing or show them a book. If they're constantly held it's hard for them to get to know your face and make eye contact.

    You say they cry when you take their coat off? Have you tried leaving it on for a bit longer? If you take it off it's sending the message that they're here to stay, but of you leave it on a bit they won't get that message and might actually start playing.

    Have you spoken to parents about it? Do they have any suggestions? I would make sure they know that their child is struggling to settle and that you need to set a timescale for some improvement. Explain that sometimes children just don't settle, no matter what you try, and you can't keep pushing them indefinitely as it's not fair on them.

    It's tough. I had a little girl who screamed constantly and I was on the verge of giving notice when she suddenly stopped and turned into the happiest child ever. It's just a shame we don't have a crystal ball so we could see whether or not it's worth sticking with it

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  4. #3
    Join Date
    Dec 2012
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    Same as Mouse really. I looked after a little boy who was no bother then his mum fell pregnant. In those days mums had to return to work for 3 months even if they were not going to be going back, otherwise they would have to pay back some maternity pay they had received. So I agreed to have the new baby for those 3 months and she was a nightmare! Never stopped screaming and I was thinking only 3 months! However after 2 months mum decided she did like going back to work and could we carry on, I was mortified! I felt I couldn't refuse as I had cared for the elder child for about 3 years so I said we'll give it a try. It was then Christmas (which was the original finish date) and we had a week or two off and I dreaded the return to work with this baby but when she came back she was wonderful! I looked after her until she was about 6 and then they moved away - she was the most lovely girl and I'm so glad I didn't give up on her. I have though had a couple that would not settle at all and had to give notice but maybe don't be too quick to do so as you never know.
    Agree with Mouse as well on leaving them in a buggy until they feel confident to join in with others and it works a treat as then you are letting them decide when they are ready and not being forced or expected to do things they are not too comfortable with.

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
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    I was actually coming on to put a very similar post. I've minded for 13 years and had the odd screamer (given notice to 1) so know it can either get better (which it will eventually) or carry on and drive you mad!
    My new child (1) who comes 2 days a week is exactly as you describe. Screams as soon as mum pulls up and carrys on for pretty much a whole 7 hours, it's mentally & physically draining. I also have another child (8m) who I feels suffers. I cannot do anything without him screaming.
    I've tried to pushchair, he hates the car, highchair..anything..nothing works.
    I spoke to mum who says is is very needy, that a family member had him for weeks and he never settled so?
    I want to give notice but don't know how to word it or what to say? I need the money but I also need my sanity and to be able to concentrate on the other child.
    I sympathise..if anyone's got any miracle ideas please share!

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
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    I had one exactly the same, I came )( this close to giving notice as my nerves couldn't take any more.
    I sat down with mum and had a chat about it. Turns out, at home, he wasn't left alone, ever. There was always someone holding him (to stop him screaming)
    We set up a plan, instead of holding him all the time, mum, dad and siblings (much older) would play sat next to him instead.
    Then move on to increasing the distance till playing opposite him, rather than next to.
    Mum was to go out the room for 10 seconds, talking to him of course, and she built that up to being out of the room for a minute.
    They played lots of 'peek a boo' games, again showing that things went and came back.
    I would go over to their house a couple of times a week, when he wasn't with me, for up to an hour, so he didn't associate seeing me with being abandoned

    Parents worked really hard with me over a few weeks (I extended the 'settling in period' by another 4 weeks to give it chance to work) and one day, I opened the door, and he gave me the biggest smile ever and we've not looked back. He's been such a star since then!
    That was 4 years ago now, and he's such a confident little boy now it's scary

    Parents HAVE to be on board, if they aren't, you'll be fighting a losing battle, and so will they.

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