Picking on my bub :(
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  1. #1
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    Default Picking on my bub :(

    Hi guys,
    I'm really struggling here
    I look after a little boy on a Thursday who is hard work to say the least. This little guy is almost 4 but he is having some learning delays looked into by professionals. He is more like a 2 year old behaviour and communication wise. His mum is absolutely lovely and is really happy with him being with me after some horrible places she has had to send him to in the past. I know her from years back when we worked together in a call centre and she said she always wanted to put him with me. I just didn't have a space when she first needed childcare. Obviously one came up so I was able to offer it to her.

    My problem is, this little boy is awful to my son who is only 23 months old. He screams at him if he goes anywhere near him, snatches his toys and hits him
    I can't bear it! I've been as patient as I can be because I know this guy has problems. My little boy is a really friendly little thing and has been so upset lately and almost become scared of him. I shadow them as much as I can but you all know what it's like, there is only one of me and I can't watch them every minute of the day.

    I feel I would be discriminating if I gave notice and like I say the mum is so grateful and lovely. I have been helping her with some strategies to deal with bad behaviour at home and she says she has noticed an improvement. I know I need to keep working on it but even if the hitting stops he still snarls at him and just hates him. I've never disliked a child in all my life but I guess since having my own my protective instincts have taken over.

    I am starting to dread the day he comes and my heart is breaking for my little bub who is being bullied in his own home
    Blondes have more fun!

  2. #2
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    Give notice, your child deserves better xxx

    Quote Originally Posted by BlondeMoment View Post
    Hi guys,
    I'm really struggling here
    I look after a little boy on a Thursday who is hard work to say the least. This little guy is almost 4 but he is having some learning delays looked into by professionals. He is more like a 2 year old behaviour and communication wise. His mum is absolutely lovely and is really happy with him being with me after some horrible places she has had to send him to in the past. I know her from years back when we worked together in a call centre and she said she always wanted to put him with me. I just didn't have a space when she first needed childcare. Obviously one came up so I was able to offer it to her.

    My problem is, this little boy is awful to my son who is only 23 months old. He screams at him if he goes anywhere near him, snatches his toys and hits him
    I can't bear it! I've been as patient as I can be because I know this guy has problems. My little boy is a really friendly little thing and has been so upset lately and almost become scared of him. I shadow them as much as I can but you all know what it's like, there is only one of me and I can't watch them every minute of the day.

    I feel I would be discriminating if I gave notice and like I say the mum is so grateful and lovely. I have been helping her with some strategies to deal with bad behaviour at home and she says she has noticed an improvement. I know I need to keep working on it but even if the hitting stops he still snarls at him and just hates him. I've never disliked a child in all my life but I guess since having my own my protective instincts have taken over.

    I am starting to dread the day he comes and my heart is breaking for my little bub who is being bullied in his own home

  3. #3
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    I have to say your home is the one place your child needs to feel safe. If it is not working, for the well being of your son you have to say you are very sorry but........
    And have a little cry in private x

  4. #4
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    Oh bless you - I bet this isn't why you went into childminding!

    About 35 years ago my niece used to go to a childminder. My niece was a really naughty child, just never told off. She started going to a childminder who was also her mum's good friend. After a while this childminder gave notice for the reasons that you just mentioned. It didn't surprise anyone else in the family but my SIL was quite offended and thought the childminder was being unreasonable - as usual totally oblivious to her daughter's behaviour. Their friendship fizzled out because of that, but I guess the childminder thought it was worth it, poor woman. So, maybe the same would happen to you and your friend if you give notice, but your son has to come first. Of course in those days there was no Ofsted to make malicious complaints (not that my SIL would have done that) and my niece didn't have any learning delays so there was no fear of discrimination.

    You could be honest and also say that maybe he would be better off with a nanny who could offer sole charge. If you are starting to have negative feelings towards this child (and who could blame you?) then you are not the right person for him anymore (I mean that in the nicest possible way, honest), so don't feel guilty about ceasing to be his childminder.

    My niece is a lovely lady now by the way!

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlondeMoment View Post
    Hi guys,
    I'm really struggling here
    I look after a little boy on a Thursday who is hard work to say the least. This little guy is almost 4 but he is having some learning delays looked into by professionals. He is more like a 2 year old behaviour and communication wise. His mum is absolutely lovely and is really happy with him being with me after some horrible places she has had to send him to in the past. I know her from years back when we worked together in a call centre and she said she always wanted to put him with me. I just didn't have a space when she first needed childcare. Obviously one came up so I was able to offer it to her.

    My problem is, this little boy is awful to my son who is only 23 months old. He screams at him if he goes anywhere near him, snatches his toys and hits him
    I can't bear it! I've been as patient as I can be because I know this guy has problems. My little boy is a really friendly little thing and has been so upset lately and almost become scared of him. I shadow them as much as I can but you all know what it's like, there is only one of me and I can't watch them every minute of the day.

    I feel I would be discriminating if I gave notice and like I say the mum is so grateful and lovely. I have been helping her with some strategies to deal with bad behaviour at home and she says she has noticed an improvement. I know I need to keep working on it but even if the hitting stops he still snarls at him and just hates him. I've never disliked a child in all my life but I guess since having my own my protective instincts have taken over.

    I am starting to dread the day he comes and my heart is breaking for my little bub who is being bullied in his own home
    Oh gosh you poor thing, what an awful situation to be in. I think we would all look out for our own child first and foremost at the end of the day so if it really is that bad then I'd maybe tell the mum and say youre monitoring the situation but it needs to improve in order for you to keep him on. x

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  7. #6
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    Thanks guys. You're all right. I just really feel for the mum. She's on her own, had to move back in with her parents and her ex husband makes things difficult.for her on purpose. Plus with this little boy's problems I really dont want to upset her by taking away her childcare. He's fine with the older kids.
    Blondes have more fun!

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    I wonder if this little boy would find it easier in a setting where there weren't any children younger than him?

    I know mum wants to send him to you, but she might have to accept that he's not coping with having a baby around and would be better mixing with children his own age or older.

    I think I would be honest with her and explain that you want the best for her son and being around a baby doesn't seem to be working for him. It'll be hard to give notice, but if you stress to the parent that you are doing it for her son's benefit, it might help soften the blow.

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  10. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mouse View Post
    I wonder if this little boy would find it easier in a setting where there weren't any children younger than him?

    I know mum wants to send him to you, but she might have to accept that he's not coping with having a baby around and would be better mixing with children his own age or older.

    I think I would be honest with her and explain that you want the best for her son and being around a baby doesn't seem to be working for him. It'll be hard to give notice, but if you stress to the parent that you are doing it for her son's benefit, it might help soften the blow.
    Absolutely. I just doubt there are many childminder settings out there that don't have babies. He does go to a preschool as well already. It's the holidays where she needs the hep.
    Blondes have more fun!

  11. #9
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    I'm having a similar problem so sympathize with you completely. Im looking after a little girl just in these summer holidays who is 5, and from day one she seems to have taken a dislike to my 4 year old DS, leaving him out of everything, making sarcastic comments to him constantly and telling tales on him which I know aren't true. It's at the point where my maternal instinct towards my own child comes into play, and I've ended up dreading this girl coming for the 2 more weeks she has with me!! I know 100% if she was with me all year round id be giving notice right now as it breaks my heart seeing my son so upset and it's not worth that for anything. I agree with previous advice to maybe word it so that it looks as though you're doing what's best for her son.. It's hard, good luck x

  12. #10
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    I feel parents must take responsibility for the actions of their child so the behaviour needs highlighting with a firm but nice "I'm monitoring the situation"...

  13. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kaybeaa View Post
    I'm having a similar problem so sympathize with you completely. Im looking after a little girl just in these summer holidays who is 5, and from day one she seems to have taken a dislike to my 4 year old DS, leaving him out of everything, making sarcastic comments to him constantly and telling tales on him which I know aren't true. It's at the point where my maternal instinct towards my own child comes into play, and I've ended up dreading this girl coming for the 2 more weeks she has with me!! I know 100% if she was with me all year round id be giving notice right now as it breaks my heart seeing my son so upset and it's not worth that for anything. I agree with previous advice to maybe word it so that it looks as though you're doing what's best for her son.. It's hard, good luck x
    Say you're full next hols lol.
    Blondes have more fun!

  14. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by mumofone View Post
    I feel parents must take responsibility for the actions of their child so the behaviour needs highlighting with a firm but nice "I'm monitoring the situation"...
    Yes I have told her I am monitoring his behaviour but it's his whole attitude. Like I say I feel bad because he has problems that are being looked into and his mum is super worried about him.
    I think I will go with Mouse's idea and suggest he does more pre school sessions instead of coming to me now he is older as he doesn't cope well with the younger children for some reason.
    Blondes have more fun!

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlondeMoment View Post
    Yes I have told her I am monitoring his behaviour but it's his whole attitude. Like I say I feel bad because he has problems that are being looked into and his mum is super worried about him. I think I will go with Mouse's idea and suggest he does more pre school sessions instead of coming to me now he is older as he doesn't cope well with the younger children for some reason.
    Good luck with it Hun, hope it resolves itself X

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlondeMoment View Post
    Say you're full next hols lol.
    Yep this will be the last time I work in the holidays!

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  18. #15
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    Do you think he needs additional support to access your setting in a more appropriate way? Would you consider an assistant? Does your local authority fund this? It may be worth looking in to for future holiday periods if you decide to keep him on?

 

 

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