Entitlement!
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Thread: Entitlement!

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    Default Entitlement!

    Has anyone else had experience on how to deal with this?
    One of the children in my care, informed my son (obviously out of my hearing!) that when his dad collected him he could park anywhere he liked, including a patch of grass we don't usually allow parking on, as he was the person who paid my wages!!! This may seem petty but it's not really the parking that bothers me more the attitude, that somehow being a childminder is of a lesser value, how do I approach this one???

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    This sort of comment comes from the parents - I'd have to say something ... or you could rise above it and let it lie :/

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    Although this is out of the mouths of babes it does smack of an adult attitude and probably something that parents have said especially the money aspect when linking to parking when dropping off or collecting and the child has repeated it.
    It is ignorant and disrespectful and I would be very annoyed especially when directed at my child - our children should not have to accept insults like this - correct me if i'm wrong but it does sound like it was intended as an insult.
    So the question is - can you approach the parents? If so and even if they are not approachable - I would and in no uncertain terms explain that this attitude will not be tolerated as it is a form of bullying - If there is a problem they and their son should approach you and not direct indignant comments at your children. If they blush up you know it's them. Good luck.

    All else fails resort to like for like tactics
    Tell your son to retort with - the parents have to pay to get a professional to look after their children because they can't and their parents cant drive a car properly. see how long it takes for the sh1t to hit the fan. Only kidding, but tempting, keep it professional and hold the moral high ground.

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    This is difficult and over the years you will hear 'odd' comments like this. I know of a cminding friend who asked a child to not jump on her sofa as she was talking to the child's son during pickup only for the dad to turn round and say something like 'why not, we paid for that sofa'.

    I would send out a blanket email to all parents reminding them where to park and leave it at that. The child is repeating what the parent said but for me, unless something else cropped up in a conversation, I couldn't just blurt it out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by busybee123456 View Post
    Has anyone else had experience on how to deal with this?
    One of the children in my care, informed my son (obviously out of my hearing!) that when his dad collected him he could park anywhere he liked, including a patch of grass we don't usually allow parking on, as he was the person who paid my wages!!! This may seem petty but it's not really the parking that bothers me more the attitude, that somehow being a childminder is of a lesser value, how do I approach this one???
    I can see the attraction in getting even.................. but I'll get philosophical instead for a moment.

    A friend of mine has a pseudo-religious theory that on Judgment Day (if you believe in that sort of thing) God (if She exists) will play back all the things we've ever said behind anybody's back whilst they look on. I'd be surprised if many of us, in our heart of hearts, would truly enjoy the experience. In fact, it's probably a good idea not to direct any parents to this very website for the same reason.

    Whilst I'm having a religious moment, the verse from Luke's gospel (just after the shepherds rocked up in Bethlehem when Mary really could've done with a post-natal kip) comes to mind: "But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

    So, yes, the fun and probably totally justifiable approach would be to put a big "no parking" sign on that patch of grass. By all means get the same lad to make the sign if you think dad would appreciate the sense of irony. But given that you now have a little informant, I'd do what the BVMary did: shut up and keep my ears open, cos you really never know what a child is going to repeat, and you wouldn't want to let on so dad tells him to keep his mouth shut in future..................... would you?
    Last edited by bunyip; 19-03-2016 at 07:26 PM.

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    Mmmm. I would be angry too. I wouldn't be as angry if the child said it to me, but to my child, grrrr.

    If he 'pays your wages' then he should be ashamed, because I bet he's paying you less than the minimum wage! I'm not really sure I would do anything about it unless these type of comments became a habit. Just remember this comment when you are about to feel guilty for changing your hours/having a day off/refusing to do a favour for them or whatever else we all stew about. Use his attitude to give you courage to stand up for your own wants and needs.

    At the end of the day, he 'pays your wages' so that you can spend treasured time with your own children, which is something he is missing out on.

    Silly man. x

  9. #7
    Simona Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by busybee123456 View Post
    Has anyone else had experience on how to deal with this?
    One of the children in my care, informed my son (obviously out of my hearing!) that when his dad collected him he could park anywhere he liked, including a patch of grass we don't usually allow parking on, as he was the person who paid my wages!!! This may seem petty but it's not really the parking that bothers me more the attitude, that somehow being a childminder is of a lesser value, how do I approach this one???
    I would say this is a kind of 'stereotyping'...the only thing I would do is to 'appropriately' challenge this child and have a great big discussion about it...no telling off...no humiliation ...just a good old group chat involving all children...listen to them as well.

    Whatever the reason for stereotyping we have always been told to 'challenge'...I hope you will and get the matter sorted.

    Good luck!

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    I'd let my son know that the dad doesn't pay my wages, he pays me a fee to look after his son. Then I would watch for where the dad parks and if it's in an inappropriate place I would ask him politely to move

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  12. #9
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    All parents who pay us a fee for looking after their children contribute towards the wages we pay ourselves...a fair lesson in economics for any child...which I think is not on the national curriculum?
    We buy our food from a local shop ...so we also contributes to us paying their wages...would we allow our children to wreck the shop counters because we have paid for the shop fittings?

    Parents parking where they are not allowed boils down to 'disrespect'...that is an issue that can be dealt with in our terms and conditions in how we expect parents to behave an dhow they expect us to behave.

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    If dad parks in the area he thinks he can park because he pays and it is not an area that you want him to park then I would say something. " please do not park there!"

    If the behaviour from the child who is picking up the vibes that " they pay us" and is abusing it in our opinion - then I would say something.

    Otherwise ....I would fume but stay silent.

  14. #11
    Simona Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by FloraDora View Post
    If dad parks in the area he thinks he can park because he pays and it is not an area that you want him to park then I would say something. " please do not park there!"

    If the behaviour from the child who is picking up the vibes that " they pay us" and is abusing it in our opinion - then I would say something.

    Otherwise ....I would fume but stay silent.
    I have been waiting to read your response on this Flora Dora...interested in your opinion.

    I agree on the parking issue...easily solved with some good PR skills.

    On the child who is under the impression...or has been brainwashed to believe his dad pays his Cm's wages....I worry if by saying nothing the child will never learn and address his misinformation or misconception?...just a thought.

    Could a child say that to a teacher in a class? ...we pay your wages via our taxes etc etc.

    I recall often discussing this subject with children and parents alike who obviously thought they employed Cms or paid our wages...once discussed and sorted the misconception never arose again.

    It is the very feeling of 'entitlement' that needs busting and challenging and also a huge injection of respect would not go amiss!

    It has happened to Cms for a very long time and will carry on happening...but I want to be 'hopeful' it will get sorted one day

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    If it was said to me I would discuss it, or said more than once to someone who reported it to me then I would discuss it too. But not a one off.
    I said I would fume and stay silent because in the situation described it was hearsay....hearsay I believed, but nevertheless third hand so easily denied.

    I would hope that my attitude to him ( the child) and others was one that he liked and respected and that it would over ride his opinion, if in fact it is an opinion and not just copied from an overheard conversation at home. Because we are in a unique situation with children we can influence them with our values too, everything I say, how I go about my life, has equality engraved in it .....I am sure that has rubbed off on many children I have had the delight to educate.

    My father was racist and anti Royal and anti anyone who wasn't working class - including me when I went to a grammar school, luckily he wasn't alive when I achieved my ultimate career step which he would have hated. I expect in my younger days I was influenced by him, but I soon learn't that his attitude was not a good one by listening to teachers, friends, friends parents etc... He thought me rather argumentative in my teenage years!

    If parents directly treated me with disrespect I would tackle each disrespectful action I think.....hence the tackling of the parking.

    I do find myself quoting that it is not your job that determines you but your personality and attitude in life, and I can back it up with the disrespectful attitude I have witnessed of more recent years against the respectful attitude people seemed to have towards me in my previous life...yet I am the same person.

    Unfortunately the historical British class system still lingers in small pockets around us.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BallyH View Post
    This is difficult and over the years you will hear 'odd' comments like this. I know of a cminding friend who asked a child to not jump on her sofa as she was talking to the child's son during pickup only for the dad to turn round and say something like 'why not, we paid for that sofa'.

    I would send out a blanket email to all parents reminding them where to park and leave it at that. The child is repeating what the parent said but for me, unless something else cropped up in a conversation, I couldn't just blurt it out.
    Wow!! He would be straight out the front door that he didn't pay for with my foot up his backside!!
    Time Out.. The perfect time for thinking about what you're going to destroy next.

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  19. #14
    Simona Guest

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    Thanks Flora Dora...lots to ponder on and reflect on.

    Someone ought to go and investigate this matter
    .I am convinced.... based on experience.... parents do not on the whole.behave in this way towards nurseries or schools....yes I know behaviour in classrooms are not ideal

    Is there a hint that Cms are vulnerable and the target of this ridiculous 'notion' that parents pay our wages!.
    We could reply that the taxes CMs pay goes towards their 'free' childcare or any other childcare help parents receive ...it swings in roundabouts!

    Put this misinformation to rest someone
    I wouldn't kick any parent on their backside and end up as HM's guest in some unsavoury prison!
    Last edited by Simona; 22-03-2016 at 08:06 AM.

 

 

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