When to call it a day?

[bluechair84]

Silly question really but wanted to get other peoples views.

Been cm for 5 years and love it however.....

I haven't been enjoying cm as much since my last inspection. I got an excellent grade but really at the expense of family life. Like many of us I work long hours and catch up on paperwork in my own time. We love the children dearly and have been lucky to have had great families but it's started to have a negative impact on dd 11 who has just started high school, plus we're all getting a tad fed up with tripping over buggies, toys etc. (no garage) I've had enough of Ofsted's demands, paperwork, feeling tired, my house turning into a mini nursery etc

I have in my mind that I want to stop but I feel incredibly guilty about not seeing this lo and that lo through to their next stage, eg school, nursery etc. I know my family should come first. Equally I know it's not fair on lo's if my heart is not in it anymore.

Really just wanted ask how long have you 'plodded' on just to see them through because you felt you should.
How did parents react to your notice?

Thanks in advance

blue

[smurfette]

I am kinda like you at the moment. I am in Ireland so very very lucky that we don't have ofsted or anything similar. But still feel a bit burned out with minding three under three the last four years. I have had problem parents recently which has disheartened me, I am so fed up of asking parents to work with me only to be ignored because it suits them. My youngest will go to secondary in three years and then won't be home until 4, so I reckon I could go out and get a job, also we have a large loan which will be paid off and dh is hoping for a promotion soon, so all in all we can manage on less money I think. I feel like throwing in the towel today after two days in a row of hell. But I have a new little one starting end of month and it wouldn't be fair to let them down.. Or the others I have. I do think one will leave due to mum being pregnant so maybe things will come to a natural end and I can cut back gradually. I don't do from preschool age (3) because I can't fit the runs in so I lose them anyway and don't have to worry about seeing them through after that .. But I sympathise although have no advice ! Except do what is right for you and your family .. The parents will get over it and would and do! Drop us as soon as it doesn't suit anymore so dont feel guilty!

[BallyH]

Oh Bluechair84 I do feel for you. I also have been 'confused' at the moment. I put so much energy into the job and it's so hard to find a balance with work and family life. I've got 3 teenagers and that alone is weary and challenging. The paperwork, Mr O and the the rest of the pavalava is very draining but I think I expect too much from myself and need to relax a bit. But, I'm not ready to give up yet! I feel so loved my baby minded babies, all 10 of them. And I love the freedom the job brings. Like today, the sunshine was a blessing and we had a fab day being out and about. And I would miss this freedom working for someone else. I work hard for me. I reep the rewards not an employer. But if you feel you need a change go for it. Your Lo's families will all adapt, some will moan, but you may be surprisd how quickly they can find other childcare as a good friend of mine found out recently when she fell pregnant and gave everyone 5 months notice. Best of luck in your decisions. Your family come first!

[Kiddleywinks]

Can't offer advice on the actual giving up element, but.... Have you looked to see if there's a way of cutting back on your paperwork so it can (or at least the majority of it lol) be done during the working day? Would changing your working hours help? Or changing the age group? I was working silly hours when I first started - eager to please - but as children left I gained a 'day off' which although can be a different day each week, and an easy day on a Friday, has really helped me get things back on track and reenergised me.

[funemnx]

I've felt like this on and off for a few years now and my solution has been to not take on any more little ones and let the ones I have grow up and start playschool/school giving me time in term time off during the day.... It was just starting to work until 2 mums got pregnant and will be going back to work in the new year. Plus hubby took voluntary redundancy and is having a 'gap' year so I've had to take on 2 more little ones to bring in the income However, the plan is still in place, just pushed back a couple of years.... Could you think of this? Working before and after school but have some time off in the day? It cuts back on paperwork and gives you some time to yourself (hopefully)

[AliceK]

Oh I know exactly how you feel. My own children were younger when I started and so the house was always full of toys, pushchair etc but now they are older it does seem like a pain. DS has just started secondary school and is so independent now I know he would be okay if I went "out" to work but DD is only 8 and needs taking to and from school etc. I have felt so down and despondant about the job for one reason or another over the past year but I have re-organised things, meant giving notice to some but now my hours are better. I also remind myself that I am actually very lucky to be doing this job. I have been here for my children and had the freedom to do what I want when I want plus my DD has had so many hospital appts over the years and I don't have to worry about asking my boss for time off over and over again. SO, all in all as long as I remind myself that in the grand scheme of things I am extremely lucky and to go back to working for someone else and having to ask for everything just really wouldn't suit me at the moment then I will carry on, after all I do love the job most of the time even though I have never been so knackered in any other job lol.

xx

[SJ35]

It's 11 months til I give it up. I've got a place to study children's nursing next September 😀😀😀😀 so happy!!!!
I have mostly loved the last three years and the kids too. But I am looking forward to my new career and to slowly winding it all down over the next 11 months 😀
X

[Maza]

I'm another one who knows how you feel!

One thing I will say is do NOT carry on through guilt of not seeing mindees through to the next stage, because as lovely as some parents might be - they would absolutely drop you (for want of a better phrase) as and when it suited them - and not wait to see you through to the next phase of your career. Mum might get pregnant, dad might find a new job, be made redundant, granny might suddenly be available to provide free childcare etc. Honestly, I've had this happen to me several times and it hurts when you know that you would have kept going for them until a more convenient time to end the contract.

Write down all the things that are bugging you and see if you can rearrange things to eliminate certain problems. The other day I did a one off minding a baby but I had already packed away my pushchair (not minded a baby for a while) and so I asked mum to leave her own pushchair, which she did happily. When the baby went home, so did the pushchair. That might not work with all parents and if you use doubles/triples it might not work for you, but it could be worth a thought...

I used to do all paperwork in my own time but one time I got really behind (due to illness, etc) and so I had no option but to start doing it when the mindees were here. I had a very boring two weeks where I didn't do exciting, but full on things like baking, messy play etc with the mindees - they 'just played' with the toys, and I was right there for when they needed me but was catching up on my paperwork. We obviously still went out everyday but whenever we were at home I was at the table. It was quite a boring time and I didn't get any job satisfaction because I like getting stuck in with the mindees, but they were totally fine and it stopped me drowning in the paperwork. From then on I always have done a 'bit' of paperwork when they are here and they don't even notice.

Do you have a plan b for if you did give up?

[Simona]

Silly question really but wanted to get other peoples views.

Been cm for 5 years and love it however.....

I haven't been enjoying cm as much since my last inspection. I got an excellent grade but really at the expense of family life. Like many of us I work long hours and catch up on paperwork in my own time. We love the children dearly and have been lucky to have had great families but it's started to have a negative impact on dd 11 who has just started high school, plus we're all getting a tad fed up with tripping over buggies, toys etc. (no garage) I've had enough of Ofsted's demands, paperwork, feeling tired, my house turning into a mini nursery etc

I have in my mind that I want to stop but I feel incredibly guilty about not seeing this lo and that lo through to their next stage, eg school, nursery etc. I know my family should come first. Equally I know it's not fair on lo's if my heart is not in it anymore.

Really just wanted ask how long have you 'plodded' on just to see them through because you felt you should.
How did parents react to your notice?

Thanks in advance

blue

Very difficult decision to take and will depend on how prepared and determined you are .
It may depend on how you want to do it....do it soon and make that break clean and quick
Or you could see that child through until he/she leaves you....I found that the best way while not taking any more new kids as slowly you regain your time and space but are still attached with a thin piece of string....one foot in one foot out.

Good luck however you decide to do it....once done your shoulders will drop 2 inches as they relax and focus on other things!

[hectors house]

Another one here who knows where you are coming from - my children have all grown up and left home (although the youngest one is going to move back in for a few months to save some money) so actually that makes childminding a lot easier as you don't feel guilty at not being to get to watch your child's sports day or get them to an after school swimming lesson or worry about your own children being ill and having to close and let down parents.

But I am just fed up of the constant changes of children, when I re-registered 10 year ago I had 3 full time children and although they cut down slightly when they went to Nursery, they stayed with me until they went to school. Now I have 5 children part time - all just coming one or 2 day a week and 2 new babies starting (on different days) that will also only be coming 2 days a week.

2 weeks ago a mum phoned to say she was being made redundant and would obviously be looking for another job and I do really feel sorry for her, but in the 4 years I have been looking after her children, this is the 3rd time she has been made redundant (cutting her days down from 2 to 1 each time), the first time it took her 9 months to find a new job and within 3 months of starting it announced she was pregnant.

And yesterday a relatively new parent (child started 6 months ago) announced that she had been offered a job in India for the winter (from Nov until March) and that she hoped that I would have a space when she returned but understood that I needed to try to fill it.

The threat of potentially being made redundant every day is really wearing me down - I'm tempted to squeeze the remaining children into just 3 days a week and become a dog walker for the other 2 days - I can imagine my play room filled with little doggy sofas.

[Kiddleywinks]

I can imagine my play room filled with little doggy sofas.

:laughing
I was talking to a dog groomer the other day and we both said we couldn't do the others job - she can't bear baby's nappies and I can't be doing with dog mess hahaha

[Maza]

:laughing
I was talking to a dog groomer the other day and we both said we couldn't do the others job - she can't bear baby's nappies and I can't be doing with dog mess hahaha

I have a dog walker friend (who earns a packet) and I was telling her that I couldn't handle (literally, haha) the dog mess. She couldn't see how it was much different to the nappy part of our job, but it is. hectors house you should look into it though because I'm sure you've mentioned that you have a dog (?) and so that obviously doesn't bother you.

[hectors house]

I have a dog walker friend (who earns a packet) and I was telling her that I couldn't handle (literally, haha) the dog mess. She couldn't see how it was much different to the nappy part of our job, but it is. hectors house you should look into it though because I'm sure you've mentioned that you have a dog (?) and so that obviously doesn't bother you.

I do have 2 dogs but actually don't know if I could pick up mess from another dog - it's a bit like baby nappies I obviously change my own mindees dirty ones but once at a toddler group the smell from another persons mindees nappy actually made me gag!

What are you going to do Maza when you take a break? Hope you will still come on here as we will miss you

[Maza]

I do have 2 dogs but actually don't know if I could pick up mess from another dog - it's a bit like baby nappies I obviously change my own mindees dirty ones but once at a toddler group the smell from another persons mindees nappy actually made me gag!

What are you going to do Maza when you take a break? Hope you will still come on here as we will miss you

I'm hopefully going to be doing supply teaching. I've got an interview with an agency on Tuesday. I'm planning on doing it for a term while I decide if I want to do child minding or teaching. Also, trialling whether it is logistically possible for DH to do the school runs for DD. All my mindees have finished now so I am technically 'on my break' (I sound like Ross from Friends!). Am loving not having to be paranoid when it comes to downstairs neighbours and noise. x

[smurfette]

I am actively searching for something to do in a couple of years when my youngest starts secondary. I feel burned out after four years and really like hector house hate the change of children, and really really hate interviewing potential parents and all the cleaning that goes along with that then getting new baby settled and new parents 'broken in'! There is always anxiety over whether payment will be made on time or they will accept being called for child to be picked up and excluded if sick the first time, and this week I had a nightmare with child of a mum who should have known better (cos I have minded her children for four years!) but is far too lax with baby's routine and doesn't like medicating him so he didn't sleep and pretty much cried all week. I was utterly exhausted and stressed out by thurs pm and ready to throw in the towel

I am thinking I would like to do something with animals as we have loads and breed and board rabbits and guinea pigs, the boarding is more in demand than we thought , but it would need to be expanded a good bit to be anywhere near enough to even make a hole in what I make now. Doesn't seem like there is much in that line that pays well.. But maybe I will look at the dog walking.. Although I do hate dog mess

[bluechair84]

Thanks so much guys, I feel better already.

Over the last few years I've de cluttered, cut down on paperwork and been a bit more firm with parents about payments etc. I've always been flexible and have rarely said 'no' Sometimes that's the problem isn't it, then feel completely burnt out.

Like all of us I work very hard, out of working hours too. Since my latest inspection I've lost the will. I got a very good grade but at what cost? My family life, I need to feel like 'me' again, I'm exhausted, I've no energy left by the time they've all gone. I'm grumpy with my own dc.

Ideally I would wait until the last lo has gone off to school, but financially I can't wait for a natural end, I would still have to take more on to keep ticking over. Like others have said I also don't like having to break new lo's in lol, I suppose I get 'comfortable'

I had thought about working with animals too, don't mind poo but can't even take our dog to the vet without wincing myself, I'd been terrible lol. Guinea pigs sound great

Anyway my background is childcare, I have lots of experience so will probably stay in that area. I'm dreading telling parents but will give plenty of notice. It's so difficult but I think it's right to do, I will stay registered as I may return one day, there are so many aspects of cm that are fantastic but Ofsted need to work with us more than against us, I think they wouldn't lose so many excellent cm's

CM's you are amazing

Thanks, Blue

[Starfish007]

Hi Guys

Sorry to throw a spanner in the works but I gave up childminding a few months ago and are regretting it. The things I miss the most are being your own boss, not having to miss sports day, choosing when YOU want to take your holidays and of course I miss my amazing little friends.

I love the actual job I'm doing, the pay is good, its fab working with a team of like minded people and having nights out! but I'm seriously considering going back into childminding.

The one thing I found most difficult when I was childminding (apart from the obvious such as long hours and paperwork) was feeling isolated. I feel that this time around I may need to do something different such as open a pre-school or work with another minder.

We all have some serious thinking to do!! x

[Kiddleywinks]

I would always recommend keeping registration active, at least for as long as possible.
I resigned and then 3 years later came back and had to start again from scratch. No biggie as all I had to pay out for was the health declaration, but now, it's the cost of the course, a DBS check and annual fee, first aid course etc.
The cost of setting up now is ridiculous!
Had I kept my registration active, I would have been able to get started straight away.

[JCrakers]

And...another one here who knows exactly how you're feeling. I used to love my job but recently in the past year i've become to not like it. Mainly becasue I have 2 teenagers, 1 has just finished school and I went through a very stressful year of gcse level with him, now he's started college and if he ever misses the bus I can't help him so feel pretty crappy about that

My 13yr old dd is going through a very, very hormonal time and she really stresses me out to the point where at 7.59am I'm ready for packing a suitcase after we've been screaming at each other to 8am and I have to answer the door with a happy face and try to put a happy face on all day.

At the moment though I feel trapped and just carry on. For the past 8yrs i've put blood, sweat and tears into this job and most of the time its come before my own family, so now I'm starting to resent it. I cant attend appointments with my own children, if I have to go into school I have to take 3 children with me....its very, very draining and ive come to the end of a very hard job.

When I answer the door to parents at the end of the day I have to listen to their day, how they are unhappy about something but no one asks how I am....I just listen to their gripes. I'm fed up of having to be on my best behaviour all the time with a smile even though sometimes I could literally just curl up and cry. One parent in particular has split from her husband so I spend time giving her support....

So, do what's best for you not everyone else. I'm hoping to give up as soon as I can. For now, I'm carrying on because if I give up now we'll have to sell the house and move somewhere smaller which isn't too bad but we've worked so hard for the lovely house we have.

Over the year ive cut down on numerous thing, I now only work 4 days a week and I don't do half as much in the school holidays. I don't stress out about Ofsted...I take them or leave them. I know I'm doing a good job and if they want to come round here and rip me to pieces then I'm not too bothered to tell you the truth. I'm lost interest in trying to jump through hoops.

[hectors house]

Completely agree with JCrackers comments about having to listen to parents problems but they never want to listen or help with yours. It's draining having 7 part time children as I feel that every day I have to give 100%, when I only had 3 full time children we were all looking forward to having a chill out Friday (or whatever day we all needed it).

I have put myself last (and my family) for the last 10 years - I have continued childminding with a broken bone in my hand and one in my foot (horse riding accident), I had one day off for surgery on my shoulder and carried on the next day with help from a CRB checked friend, I had a mysterious illness after a bad stomach bug (that I conveniently suffered with over Xmas), the mysterious illness caused me to be sick if I ate, horrendous stomach pains, a bloated stomach, I lost over a stone in weight, went to the doctor after work most weeks, had scans, numerous blood tests and ended up being tested for ovarian cancer (which luckily was negative). I have also been through a nightmare menopause that nearly cost me my marriage - but every day you have to open the door with a smile!

When *****minded before (20 years ago) I once attempted to childmind with a trapped nerve in my neck and was in agony - the mum (a teacher) left the children with me in the morning and then came back to collect them after an hour as she felt so guilty that I was attempting to look after her children whilst in so much pain. Nowadays, the parents just want to drop and go and not think about the children or you until they knock on the door at pick up time.