When to call it a day?
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  1. #21
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    Gosh hectorshouse that must have been at terrible time with all that pain and worry. Yes it really does make you think doesn't it? I've had 1 morning off sick in 4 years, we just keep going don't we? Years ago I had a plan and I was going to be firm and stick to it but....then the reality of childminding kicks in, yes we bring all the children to our own kids parents afternoon, they come with us to the dr's, hospital (if appropriate) dentist......great life learning experiences but I don't always want a minded child in the dr's with me, it might be a bit personal! Also we feel guilty, don't want to let the parents down etc etc and slowly but surely we forget our own families needs and our own.

    Jcrackers, yep my soon to be 13 year old is very very moody. And I think needs me now more than ever, I feel at the moment I don't have the energy after work to give her all my attention, the house is a mess (even when the cleaners been, still ends up a tip by 6pm)

    dh had a cancer scare a few months ago, also my mum wasn't well, all ok now but it has made me think long and hard.
    After reading all your replies I no longer feel guilty as this is what's right for our family.

    Can't wait for the day........no more journals, diaries, other paperwork, Ofsted, worrying that I've forgotten to check my fridge temp, no more buggies in my car, house, hallway, no more toddler toys to trip over, no more wasted food, a sore back and knees, unwell children who should be at home, no more late payments and charges or having to ask for it,

    I love the children and that's about it.....oh Christmas is lovely with them lol

    I long for my house to stay even a little bit tidy for an afternoon! I especially long for time for my family, to eat together again, to slob out in front of the tv rather than tidying the tornado in the other room ready for it all to happen again the next day lol

    Blue
    FF

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  3. #22
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    I felt really resentful a couple of weeks ago. My middle son, 17, kept asking me to make him a doctor's appointment as he was getting concerned with the acne on his back/neck etc. I kept delaying as thought 'when can I fit it in?'. So the day came. In the doctor's car park he turned and said he'd rather go in alone as he didn't want to take his top off in front of the 3 lo's who are in the back seat. So off he went, a man! Alone. And me stuck in the car. I really had to stop myself crying as the 3 little one's started to play up in the back seat. It was along wait till he came back.

  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by MOH View Post
    I felt really resentful a couple of weeks ago. My middle son, 17, kept asking me to make him a doctor's appointment as he was getting concerned with the acne on his back/neck etc. I kept delaying as thought 'when can I fit it in?'. So the day came. In the doctor's car park he turned and said he'd rather go in alone as he didn't want to take his top off in front of the 3 lo's who are in the back seat. So off he went, a man! Alone. And me stuck in the car. I really had to stop myself crying as the 3 little one's started to play up in the back seat. It was along wait till he came back.
    I should hope a 17 year old was mature enough to do this!

  5. #24
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    JCrackers, hectors house and MOH big hugs to you all. It really is a testing job at times. All jobs get us down from time to time and take us away from our family, but for some reason the downsides to childminding seem so much more personal. I think the fact that so many other people think it is a 'cushy' job doesn't help either.

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  7. #25
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    Yes, he's mature but I was upset as the choice was taken from me and him.

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  9. #26
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    yes MOH I agree the choice IS often taken away from us, our dc still need us at times
    FF

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  11. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by MOH View Post
    I felt really resentful a couple of weeks ago. My middle son, 17, kept asking me to make him a doctor's appointment as he was getting concerned with the acne on his back/neck etc. I kept delaying as thought 'when can I fit it in?'. So the day came. In the doctor's car park he turned and said he'd rather go in alone as he didn't want to take his top off in front of the 3 lo's who are in the back seat. So off he went, a man! Alone. And me stuck in the car. I really had to stop myself crying as the 3 little one's started to play up in the back seat. It was along wait till he came back.
    I sometimes get a bit angry when cms feel that 'our own' children have to come second when their needs need to be met...sorry I am not especially having a go at you ...just a general observation.
    Where in the EYFS or any Ofsted regulations does it say our own children must not receive 'equal concern'?

    Our care and practice need to take account of 'ALL children' regardless of who they are....so if my kids needed to go to the GP I would politely ask the parents to think of a suitable arrangement to cover the few hours I needed OUT!
    In my view that is called flexibility which has to come from us ...as well as the parents.

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  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simona View Post

    I sometimes get a bit angry when cms feel that 'our own' children have to come second when their needs need to be met...sorry I am not especially having a go at you ...just a general observation.
    Where in the EYFS or any Ofsted regulations does it say our own children must not receive 'equal concern'?

    Our care and practice need to take account of 'ALL children' regardless of who they are....so if my kids needed to go to the GP I would politely ask the parents to think of a suitable arrangement to cover the few hours I needed OUT!
    In my view that is called flexibility which has to come from us ...as well as the parents.
    That makes total sense. A long those lines where our children have to be put first I had a mini debate with my dd last summer. She wanted a pool to play in and the only place to put it was the side of.of the house where I don't have gates so mindee's can't go there as not gated in. I was explaining to my dd it not fair on mindee's if she out in a pool and they not allowed. Then it dawned on me. It's not fair on her that she can't have one. I told parents mindees might be a bit annoyed over next few weeks as they can't get out to pool as I can't supervise them there but my dd will be out as she old enough
    Tess1981

  14. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simona View Post
    I sometimes get a bit angry when cms feel that 'our own' children have to come second when their needs need to be met...sorry I am not especially having a go at you ...just a general observation.
    Where in the EYFS or any Ofsted regulations does it say our own children must not receive 'equal concern'?

    Our care and practice need to take account of 'ALL children' regardless of who they are....so if my kids needed to go to the GP I would politely ask the parents to think of a suitable arrangement to cover the few hours I needed OUT!
    In my view that is called flexibility which has to come from us ...as well as the parents.
    I do agree that the job shouldn't take over and our own children shouldn't be shunted to the back of the pile. But its not easy. Having a day off or a couple of hours often isn't a solution, parents have to work and some don't have alternative care. If I was to book half a day off to take dd to a hosp appointment in town then another half a day off to go and watch my son in a sports event, another half a day off to take my son to his Orthodontist app etc etc , parent's would call me unreliable, word would soon et round and business would be poor.

    I do go to appointments where I can but have to take 2-3 children with me. Sons dentist is upstairs so having to struggle with carrying a baby, helping two toddlers and two bags up a flight of stairs and back down really does cause more stress. Having to sit and read a story and stop two toddlers from touching the equipment and listen to the dentist a the same time isn't fun. The alternative is dh goes instead of me.

    I have in the past finished work at 330pm to attend a sports event as I really wanted to watch my own children. I had to tell 6 sets of parents that I couldn't do the school run. The next event I couldn't go because I couldn't bear telling them again...how could I? I missed it

    There has also been many occasions where my own children couldn't go to certain after school clubs because I couldn't get them there. They have had a lot of patience over the years with my job. The noise, the missed opportunities and trting to understand that even though Mum is in the house I couldn't always be there for them.
    Time Out.. The perfect time for thinking about what you're going to destroy next.

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  16. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by JCrakers View Post
    I do agree that the job shouldn't take over and our own children shouldn't be shunted to the back of the pile. But its not easy. Having a day off or a couple of hours often isn't a solution, parents have to work and some don't have alternative care. If I was to book half a day off to take dd to a hosp appointment in town then another half a day off to go and watch my son in a sports event, another half a day off to take my son to his Orthodontist app etc etc , parent's would call me unreliable, word would soon et round and business would be poor.

    I do go to appointments where I can but have to take 2-3 children with me. Sons dentist is upstairs so having to struggle with carrying a baby, helping two toddlers and two bags up a flight of stairs and back down really does cause more stress. Having to sit and read a story and stop two toddlers from touching the equipment and listen to the dentist a the same time isn't fun. The alternative is dh goes instead of me.

    I have in the past finished work at 330pm to attend a sports event as I really wanted to watch my own children. I had to tell 6 sets of parents that I couldn't do the school run. The next event I couldn't go because I couldn't bear telling them again...how could I? I missed it

    There has also been many occasions where my own children couldn't go to certain after school clubs because I couldn't get them there. They have had a lot of patience over the years with my job. The noise, the missed opportunities and trting to understand that even though Mum is in the house I couldn't always be there for them.
    I see your point and hope I did not come across as saying CMs need to takes time off every time....I meant when it can be arranged with parents and when....as in MOH' s case...when it is important for us to be with our children.

    Parents should always have an alternative in case we are sick or events in our lives require the odd day off from a cm.
    Parents do need to work and so do we.
    Over the years I have attended many school performances and sports days and the parents have always been there to watch those events...so their employer can be flexible and allow time off for 'special occasions'
    In the end it is a question of flexibility and co-operation between us and parents...I feel it will pay if both sides look after each other's needs.
    Not easy I know but 'doable' ?

  17. #31
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    Well I've gone and done it!

    Notice given, I must say it wasn't easy, I felt terrible but I have lovely families and even though they are upset they do understand.

    I feel so relieved, as much as I've loved cm it's has taken over and there was very little time left for dd.

    I will miss so many things about cm, especially the lo's , fun days out, the funny things they say etc etc and there will be things I won't miss.....

    As a family we look forward to having our home and garden back, being able to leave things out without worrying of lo is going to pick it up, choke on it or break it

    But most of all we look forward to having quality time together as a family, can't wait

    Thanks for your support and reassurance

    Blue
    FF

  18. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by bluechair84 View Post
    Silly question really but wanted to get other peoples views.

    Been cm for 5 years and love it however.....

    I haven't been enjoying cm as much since my last inspection. I got an excellent grade but really at the expense of family life. Like many of us I work long hours and catch up on paperwork in my own time. We love the children dearly and have been lucky to have had great families but it's started to have a negative impact on dd 11 who has just started high school, plus we're all getting a tad fed up with tripping over buggies, toys etc. (no garage) I've had enough of Ofsted's demands, paperwork, feeling tired, my house turning into a mini nursery etc

    I have in my mind that I want to stop but I feel incredibly guilty about not seeing this lo and that lo through to their next stage, eg school, nursery etc. I know my family should come first. Equally I know it's not fair on lo's if my heart is not in it anymore.

    Really just wanted ask how long have you 'plodded' on just to see them through because you felt you should.
    How did parents react to your notice?

    Thanks in advance

    blue
    I haven't been on the forum for a couple of months now as I gave up childminding in August....I have just seen your Post and thought I would give you my feed back. I gave up for very similar reasons to you....I expected too much of myself and worked all hours leaving no time for me and my hubby. It was work, work, work and I got fed up and lost all interest. I have been working part time in my local hospital for the last 2.5 months and I am loving it. I love coming home to a nice clean house, no paperwork and best of all just leaving work at the door. With childminding it was constantly on my mind and I struggled to switch off....it Took over my life as ime sure it does with a lot of childminder.
    I felt guilty when I told my parents I was leaving and I still do to the point that I visit them all on a regular basis. I take them out in my own time and even have them for sleep overs...all for nothing! Yes crazy I know. I often ask myself if I didn't go and see them or contact them would they bother about me? But I have to admit I wouldn't have given up yet if my first mindee wasn't going to school. I was so upset at the thought of giving up but I just kept telling myself that she was leaving for school soon anyway So I suppose what ime trying to say is if you really want to change your career then do it and don't wait, they will be moving on anyway or could change their plans at any time!
    Although I love my new job and love Being more relaxed I miss being my own boss. You Definately can't beat that!
    Good luck whatever you decide to do. X

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  20. #33
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    There are thousands of Cms giving up for various reasons...most are fed up but others are really not happy with many things so they take the plunge and give up.

    Personally I feel that until a cm is 'absolutely' 100% convinced she/he WILL NOT return to be a cm, the advice is 'keep' your registration open as you can do that for a while...it is worth every penny until the decision to give up is not in question anymore.
    Staying self employed also means you can start a new business very easily.

    Keeping your registration open also mean CMs can work in other settings and keep their 'self employed' status...you never know what opportunities may come your way

    So many changes are coming to Early Years and for CMs in particular everything changes in January 2016 when they can work in different settings with one registration...that may appeal to many.

    https://www.gov.uk/government/news/c...employment-act

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  22. #34
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    keohane1- that's really interesting, yes I've felt the same I can't switch off at all. It's great to hear that you enjoy your new job, yes completely understand about not being your own boss, takes some getting used to. I feel better that I've made the decision and given notice but feel sad that the lo's won't be here, I'm working another couple of months with them which is nice. I've always worked in childcare and have always felt a little sad on my last day, but this feels very different, the lo's won't be here every day, I won't share their growing and learning anymore and I will feel lost for a while I'm sure but it was a difficult decision that had to be made. This is why I've been putting it off, I love childminding but it's not working for my family at the moment and they have to come first.

    Simona- good advice, yes I intend on staying registered 'just in case' and can't be bothered going through all that stuff to get registered again. I may return to cm one day, we'll see, right now I'm enjoying a fun few months with mindees and a big party
    FF

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  24. #35
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    Need to offload and have some advice really about a new child I had start yesterday. The mum threw me in the deep end a bit as she contacted me last week, filled out the paperwork but then implied she would be in touch once she started work. Anyway, she asked me to pick her dd up after school yesterday morning for that afternoon. I hadn't done my usual settling in procedure and 'vetting' especially as the family were new to our school and I'd only met them in passing at the park but felt I couldn't say no. Mum said she would collect at 4pm, so a nice easy hour to start with. Anyway... the daughter (aged 6) was incredibly rude, cocky and 'confident' (think how your own teenage daughter would talk to you, on a bad day!) and, although got on well with my dd was definitely a bad influence on her manners. I had to gently ask her to rephrase things several times but found it hard work as she tended to go off in a sulk or get angry if she was frustrated. She has a complicated home life (I've heard mums life story, several times) and, bless her, her dad died last month and they've pretty much fled Austria where mum is from (although DD is English). So, I was trying to work with her but after a long day with three toddlers, including one with seperation anxiety, and a hectic after school session, it was all a bit much - especially as mum was TWO HOURS late! She didn't even contact me until I sent a polite text at 5pm asking if she was OK!
    It was all so stressful and I can't imagine it getting any easier. I think mum expects a totally flexible service; picking which days to send her (she's self employed) and what hour to pick her up. As a CM I try and be as flexible as I can but I have to work round others and my own family; I have three small children, and I just can't see it working. If the girl is already this over confident with me it can only get worse (although I am quite firm so maybe she'll learn!). I have no idea how to 'sack' this family and am conscious of the bad time they've had recently. There are other CM's in my town but I'd feel bad 'dumping' such a difficult family on them as we're all quite friendly (although they are older and more experienced). I'm also thinking I should give them a chance, but then it will only be harder to turn them down, especially once their contract (which I hadn't even had a chance to draw up yet) kicks in.
    Thanks for reading this far and I'd love any advice. xx
    Last edited by tiredandemotional; 06-10-2015 at 02:35 PM.

  25. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by tiredandemotional View Post
    Need to offload and have some advice really about a new child I had start yesterday. The mum threw me in the deep end a bit as she contacted me last week, filled out the paperwork but then implied she would be in touch once she started work. Anyway, she asked me to pick her dd up after school yesterday morning for that afternoon. I hadn't done my usual settling in procedure and 'vetting' especially as the family were new to our school and I'd only met them in passing at the park but felt I couldn't say no. Mum said she would collect at 4pm, so a nice easy hour to start with. Anyway... the daughter (aged 6) was incredibly rude, cocky and 'confident' (think how your own teenage daughter would talk to you, on a bad day!) and, although got on well with my dd was definitely a bad influence on her manners. I had to gently ask her to rephrase things several times but found it hard work as she tended to go off in a sulk or get angry if she was frustrated. She has a complicated home life (I've heard mums life story, several times) and, bless her, her dad died last month and they've pretty much fled Austria where mum is from (although DD is English). So, I was trying to work with her but after a long day with three toddlers, including one with seperation anxiety, and a hectic after school session, it was all a bit much - especially as mum was TWO HOURS late! She didn't even contact me until I sent a polite text at 5pm asking if she was OK!
    It was all so stressful and I can't imagine it getting any easier. I think mum expects a totally flexible service; picking which days to send her (she's self employed) and what hour to pick her up. As a CM I try and be as flexible as I can but I have to work round others and my own family; I have three small children, and I just can't see it working. If the girl is already this over confident with me it can only get worse (although I am quite firm so maybe she'll learn!). I have no idea how to 'sack' this family and am conscious of the bad time they've had recently. There are other CM's in my town but I'd feel bad 'dumping' such a difficult family on them as we're all quite friendly (although they are older and more experienced). I'm also thinking I should give them a chance, but then it will only be harder to turn them down, especially once their contract (which I hadn't even had a chance to draw up yet) kicks in.
    Thanks for reading this far and I'd love any advice. xx
    Sorry, ignore all above - I posted in the wrong place!

 

 
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