Parents!!

[candy cat]

In October we lost my Father in law......I carried on working and only had a day off to help parents .......3 weeks ago found out my brother was terminally ill..very aggressive cancer....he is 47!!!!!

wrote to all parents explaining may have to close at short notice etc......All of them were fab and said 'we will sort it out....don't worry.....BUT there is always one!!!

The next day dad starting asking questions demanding to know when etc I just said 'I am not discussing this in front of my dd and here in front of neighbours! He carried on until I said STOP!!!

So wrote in book not to discuss.... Any queries please email/ text as it is raw and i get emotional!!

Last night I hear from a friend that she heard mum discussing it all with someone and saying ' i am being unreasonable as I can't tell them when!

Now I know mindee is moving on in September and Mum is using me until August.....yet after asking them to confirm this they just lie to me as biding their time.....so they don't give a toss about me :0)

Last night I was furious after she discussed my business so issued them with immediate notice as felt our working relationship has broken down.....also confidentiality discussing my personal stuff etc

Parent refused notice and child is here said I have to give notice!!!!

Also only mum signed contract....he didn't have time!! So can I avoid him?

Backed down as I am too drained to fight in court

Waiting for legal team to call

I ignored parent this morning, just greeted child as normal

Just feel devastated.....want contract over, but can't deal with everything as well

Please be kind xx

[chris goodyear]

I really feel for you, these parents sound like a complete nightmare! I think you've already done the right thing in all aspects so see what the legal team suggest and go with that. Some parents are so selfish but luckily the majority are lovely and do appreciate what we do. Please try not to get too upset with these people and put you and your family first at this time xx

[candy cat]

Thanks I have no choice but to work as they can chase for loss of earnings! :0(

[FloraDora]

What a difficult dilemma to deal with when you are already low.

I assume the legal team have advised you to put in writing today your month's notice?

If the situation gets difficult is there any mileage in looking at your contracts around illness as your emotional well being would come under this and closing under that clause? I know you would lose money from them but you would have lost this anyway on immediate effect? Couldn't you bring in your back up strategy to help the parents?
Of course you would have to be prepared for the back lash of talking behind your back and therefore your reputation....
The parents, no matter how you look at it expected a service and the unknown potential days off may have caused them loss of earnings and a bad reputation at work........if they have talked once this I would imagine is their character.

Immediate effect notice would have harmed the little one probably in the sudden change, parents crossness etc...so you carrying on as normal with them is good for them, just don't let them feel the atmosphere between you and parents, you be the better person in all of this.
It's occasions like this where being self employed is not the best occupation.....if you worked for a company you could apply for compassionate leave.

I hope it pans out better than you currently think. Take solace in the other parent's positiveness towards your dilemma.

[Mouse]

Thanks I have no choice but to work as they can chase for loss of earnings! :0(

That's rough

I'm sorry to hear about your brother.

Would it be worth emailing these parents (so you don't have to speak to them) and say that you are willing to work 4 week's notice, but you will be more than happy to let them leave earlier if they find alternative care sooner? Say that you feel it's in the child's best interests to get settled somewhere new asap, so you're willing to do this. You could even add something about how you can't guarantee your usual reliability due to family circumstances, so they may find it better to be with someone new.

If you give them time to calm down and think about it rationally, they may agree that it's best to move the child asap.

[lollipop kid]

Thanks I have no choice but to work as they can chase for loss of earnings! :0(

Surely you can serve them with 4 weeks' notice during which time their child can still attend (and it will mostly be covered by the deposit)?

It sounds to me that the sooner you get some distance between you and them the better.

Don't give them any grounds though to 'complain' to Ofsted about you. It's incredible how a minor bump can turn really horrible! I should know - I've got the T-shirt!

So if you do serve notice, then don't let their child do any play that involves them taking their feet off the ground in their last weeks with you and risking even a minor accident. So no running, playing in a ride-in car - they can tip over, you know! - and I'm actually not being fascetious, having given all of my ride-ins away following a tipping incident a couple of years ago - as can ride-on cars! Nor would I let them go down a slide, play on a see-saw, risk getting a mark from another child etc. Just be extra careful with their child from here on in.

Good luck,

Thinking of you,

L

[Simona]

Parents do expect a service from us but that also has to include exceptional circumstances such as in this case when the service is interrupted by a serious matter.
Parents must also cover themselves by having an alternative...yes they may lose income but so does the cm.
Leave can be taken by parents.
Make sure you have a clause in your contract to cover for such events.

Immediate notice can be given as long as it is covered in your contract.
Many parents do that...but that is in lieu of fees paid back for the notice period.
Check with your association and include it in your contract....I wouldn't operate without that.

[Maza]

What disgusting characters. I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Lean on us for support. x

[candy cat]

Thanks for your kind words......please please cover yourself..... From now on I will write in my policies about ' immediate termination due to breakdown of working relationship' also confidentiality working both ways!!!

My worry now is if i do close due to my brother passing I may be chased for loss of earnings!!!

Roll on when the 9th July is here.....shame as lo is an absolute pleasure!

[Mouse]

Thanks for your kind words......please please cover yourself..... From now on I will write in my policies about ' immediate termination due to breakdown of working relationship' also confidentiality working both ways!!!

My worry now is if i do close due to my brother passing I may be chased for loss of earnings!!!

Roll on when the 9th July is here.....shame as lo is an absolute pleasure!

Do you know another childminder who would be able to take the child at short notice if your brother did pass away before the end of their notice period, or even if you just needed some time off? Parents couldn't really complain about loss of earnings as you would be giving them an alternative so they could carry on working.

It's just so sad that you're having to go through this at a time when all you're asking for is a bit of support and understanding. I really hope this family realise how unfair they are being.

[lollipop kid]

Candy Cat, don't know if you use PACEY contracts, but if you do, have a look at page 4, right hand side, section that starts:

"The registered childminder may terminate the contract immediately for any of the following reasons (but not solely limited to)":

If you do, check out the 2nd and 3rd bullet points, which read:

"If the parent(s)/guardian(s) abuses the registered childminder or exhibits unacceptable behaviour."
"Failure by the parent(s)/guardian(s) to comply with the policies set"

(E.g Confidentiality policy?)

If you don't have these, maybe add them to yours. I'd be happy to send you a copy of the whole section by PM if it helps.

By the way, I thought Mouse's advice was spot on, about seeing if you can get another childminder to step in if needed when the time comes.

Big hugs,

L

[candy cat]

Thanks no I use MM contracts......all my minder friends are full so can't recommend anyone.

Anyway off to see my brother tomorrow.....feeling very torn as trying to work, sort this **** out, sort my own family out as son has exams and keep a little normality for my dd....my family feel I should have dropped everything and be there 200 miles away....24/7......argh.....the guilt is killing me and we only lost my father in law in October :0(

[lollipop kid]

Thanks no I use MM contracts......all my minder friends are full so can't recommend anyone.

Anyway off to see my brother tomorrow.....feeling very torn as trying to work, sort this **** out, sort my own family out as son has exams and keep a little normality for my dd....my family feel I should have dropped everything and be there 200 miles away....24/7......argh.....the guilt is killing me and we only lost my father in law in October :0(

Bless you. I have a similar thing with my sister. She's in Canada but is beating the big C at the moment but you just never know. I talk to her on Facetime via my Iphone (and I started Facebook to keep in touch with her as well), as there's just no way I could jump on a plane to go and see her. (I lost one of my brothers a few years ago as well, so I kind of know where you're coming from.)

Don't take on too much pressure and risk getting poorly yourself. Just do your best - I'm hoping there is other family a bit closer who can roll their sleeves up as much as possible as needed.

Thinking of you,

L

[candy cat]

Thanks for your kind words xx

[lollipop kid]

Thanks for your kind words xx

Oh, and CandyCat - I don't know your age, but when I found out about my sister's "C", I looked back for any family history, and found that I have two maternal aunts who passed away due to this (although my own Mum did not get it).

So in your shoes, as it is affecting such a close family member, I'd be tempted to visit the Doctor and just ask to be screened - just in case.

My sister actually phoned me and insisted that I do this when she got her diagnosis. (She also phoned my remaining brothers as well. I was blown away at her inner strength, selflessness and family love by this.)

So, I did get on a screening programme a few years ago and have been going every year since. All fine so far, fingers crossed. It feels good to know, but if you are going down this route, make sure you've taken out health insurance/life insurance beforehand - which I didn't as panic set in instead.

I'm just trying to give practical advice but I realise my timing is awful! Huge apologies - I've just been thinking of you today.

All the best,

L

[Bundle]

Oh, that's really tough. Sorry about your bro. And please don't feel guilty, you are doing everything you can.

I can't believe this family is so insensitive! They sound awful. Hope they are gone from your life soon.
Hugs xx