"The birthday"

**mumofone** · 04-06-2015, 06:08 AM

So the dreaded birthday came round, i nervously had balloons up (in her favourite colour) in every conceivable room, a birthday girl banner, a cake with candles and a present. On picking my mindee up from school I got a "have you got me a present, I just wanna get home and open my present". Upon opening the card "oh Yeh right I don't really like that (the character on the card) anymore but you weren't to know!" And on opening the present "oh to be honest I've got one of these already!" Me: oh no I thought you could have fun doing it with your friends etc etc her "Yeh but to be honest I have got this already"...chucks it to one side!
I went to the kitchen and said don't come in for a minute to which she said "I know your lighting my candles on the cake you've got me"!
She took one bite and left it!

Thank god I did get a present and cake but Shame they weren't appreciated! Unbelievable!

**Rubybubbles** · 04-06-2015, 06:47 AM

Must have missed original thread???

Mine don't get anything other than to make cup cakes!! I send card and prezzies home

How old is the child?

**shortstuff** · 04-06-2015, 06:51 AM

sounds like a lovely child!

Hope the parents were a little grateful?

**loocyloo** · 04-06-2015, 07:32 AM

Poor you.

I'm sorry this child was ungrateful but from what you've said, I'm not surprised. I hope the parents appreciated your efforts.

I usually send card and present home. If child is with me on their birthday then we have a cake with tea/for snack with a few balloons. Schoolies choose their favourite tea ( always pizza! )

I have a schoolie whose mum is always running an international conference when its schoolies birthday and I do try a little harder as mum just can't be there. Mum sends all sorts of bits so schoolie has a special day.

**mumofone** · 04-06-2015, 07:47 AM

Oops maybe I should have sent the present home? Dyou do this so other mindees don't get jealous etc?

Simona · 04-06-2015, 08:06 AM

Originally Posted by mumofone

So the dreaded birthday came round, i nervously had balloons up (in her favourite colour) in every conceivable room, a birthday girl banner, a cake with candles and a present. On picking my mindee up from school I got a "have you got me a present, I just wanna get home and open my present". Upon opening the card "oh Yeh right I don't really like that (the character on the card) anymore but you weren't to know!" And on opening the present "oh to be honest I've got one of these already!" Me: oh no I thought you could have fun doing it with your friends etc etc her "Yeh but to be honest I have got this already"...chucks it to one side!
I went to the kitchen and said don't come in for a minute to which she said "I know your lighting my candles on the cake you've got me"!
She took one bite and left it!

Thank god I did get a present and cake but Shame they weren't appreciated! Unbelievable!

Dear me...I would have sat this child down with all your other children and discussed 'British values' with them all...how appropriate a lesson this would be in PSED!
Being respectful, polite and understanding and accepting generosity from others...despite the age of the child he/she would have understood!

Don't be disappointed and let the child's attitude put you off.

**Mouse** · 04-06-2015, 08:15 AM

Oh dear. How disappointing for you that she didn't have the reaction you would have liked

I have to say, you deserve a gold star for your efforts with this child. I bet not many childminders would go to so much trouble to get a child to like them when they get it thrown back in their face time after time.

Fingers crossed you get some children soon who actually appreciate all you do for them

**Little Dots** · 04-06-2015, 09:50 AM

My mum childminds a child like this. Up to her birthday is always asking what have you got me, telling her how much she has to spend as she doesn't want a rubbish present (she's 8). Def a lesson to teach being grateful, aware of others feelings. She just has buns/cake but doesn't do much else for there birthdays. Lovely of you to go to so much effort x

**JCrakers** · 04-06-2015, 10:30 AM

How ungrateful!

Honestly you sound like the nicest person in the world but you really don't have to go to so much trouble. I started off with a small present and card but now I have 15 children everyone gets a card.
Don't feel you have to go to so much length. All my children are happy with a hug and a card

**lollipop kid** · 05-06-2015, 10:43 AM

I have one who used to be a bit like yours when she first started.

I found the trick with my one was just spending 1:1 time with her when the babies had left. (She is always the last to go.) So this might be a game of crazy running (where we run like mad from my front gate to a tree nearby on the pavement and back again, making really loud "AAAh" noises. (Thankfully, I get on well with my neighbours as I've lived here for years and they have all got children too, so understand.) Or crazy hopscotch on my crazy paving - where I mix up the numbers and make them almost impossible to jump from one to the next on. We always end up falling over, but it is hilarious and we both just laugh our heads off. (She loves daft stuff like this! And I'm constantly amazed that at my advanced age, I can still play like a 7 year old even after a 10 hour day.

) She also tells me often that her parents never do stuff like that with her, which is a bit of a shame. And also fairly telling.

Anyway, in the early days, when she'd only been with me a few weeks, it came to her first birthday with me (I think she was turning 6 at the time - she's nearly 8 now). I was dreading it, but I refuse to spend lots of money on children - any children - as growing up in the 70s, I just wasn't brought up to value material stuff that much (and we didn't have it anyway). (I much preferred quality time or little gestures when I was little, like getting to lie on the sofa with my mum's good coat over me when I was ill type stuff - I'm the youngest of 7, so this was a BIG deal in our house).

So I ended up drawing her a Nemo picture (her favourite character at the time). I spent a while on it, doing it in colour, and then suggesting that she could maybe put it on her bedroom wall when she got home. Thankfully, she loved it! (She even gave me a thank you card for it that she had written herself - which I just did not expect. A real WOW moment for me, as she was a reluctant reader and writer, so it just showed me how much she loved having something special from me that was done just for her.) Mum told me as well that they went out a picked a frame for it, and it is hanging on her bedroom wall above her bed.

Plus, I'm a rubbish baker, or I might have tried to make her a cake, but as drawing is easy for me, then that was why this approach worked for me.

I've just come back from a week away, and I brought her a packet of pens, a very pretty keyring and a tiny bag (the type you can hold a lipstick in). I could tell by her face that she really loved these. She surprised me by listing the friends that she was going to share the pens with as there were 6 of them in the pack. (I was really proud of her when she did this. She is just not the same child that started with me - she is so thoughtful and considerate now, and I actually adore having her around. Trust me, I didn't think I'd ever say that in the early days!) I also think that, the way she is now, even if I had written her a postcard and brought it back without the stuff, she would have loved this as well - so the choice of present I got for her was just because I saw the things and I wanted to get them for her. Not because I felt I had to.

Anyway, I hope some of your kindness will rub off on your mindee (and her parents will hopefully try a bit harder with her as well). Keep at it and don't lose heart. But I would tone it down a bit for next time. I found some fabric bunting in a local shop with the words 'Happy Birthday' on it, and I just put this up when it's someone's birthday (I even put it up for mine!). That and a few muffins for their lunch pudding, (or dinner for my after-schoolie) with a candle in for the birthday child, a little card & present (from my card and present stash - I don't spend any more than a fiver on the presents by the way) and I'm done.

All the best,

L

**lollipop kid** · 05-06-2015, 11:35 AM

Originally Posted by mumofone

Oops maybe I should have sent the present home? Dyou do this so other mindees don't get jealous etc?

Actually, that's a good point. Maybe you could try popping the gift into a bag that you hang on the child's hook (if you have one). Just so that the other children don't feel left out? And also insist that this particular child opens the gift at home? (I've had children in the past who tear the wrapping open at hometime, throw it on the floor then march off gleefully with their gift without so much as a thank you. It's not a nice sight for me or their parents. (It's also quite telling which parents send their child back in for the discarded wrapping or to say thank you, and which don't.)

All the best,

L

**hectors house** · 05-06-2015, 12:27 PM

I don't think I could have helped myself - I would have said "Oh well if you don't want your present I will take it back to the shop."

I generally let all the other parents know when it's a birthday coming up and often they will bring a card in for the birthday child - I now ask the parents to send in a cake, especially after one child had a birthday just a few days before Xmas and the mum was working but the dad was at home and they still sent the child on his birthday - I decided I wasn't going to go all out for a birthday outing, cake etc.

I always put up a birthday banner and balloons and make sure we have the child's favourite meal for lunch. I do give a present and a card and they open that with me. This particular mindee with the Xmas birthday, his mum sent in a reduced to clear sponge cake with a Xmas frill round and plain white icing - I ended up using birthday wrapping paper to hide the Xmas frill and putting sprinkles and a toy tractor on the top with candles - thank goodness I also made a few cup cakes as the cake was so dry the children wouldn't eat it!

**k1rstie** · 05-06-2015, 12:48 PM

I have a birthday banner that I got from vista print, I put it up outside the house. We then have a plate of artfully arranged Cadbury mini rolls instead of cake. I have a small china cake with a candle in the middle of the plate.

My lot love this. New kids are all happy with this, as they see that this is what the others had when it was their birthdays.

I use the little wooden foot stools from aldi and lidl in my setting, and the kids use them for everything. My last two birthdays, my kids were 3, I had two spare stools that were being kept for emergencies, and still wrapped up. I made the stool up for each of them, and drew flowers and butterflies on for one with sharpies, and did a Thomas and Fireman Sam picture on the other one, plus put their names on. My drawing is pretty shocking.

Both my kids loved them, and they were made more special because they were the same as at Kirstie's.

**Mouse** · 05-06-2015, 01:00 PM

My worst experience was years ago when one mum asked if I could do a little party for her child, just with the children who were here on the day. There were issues at home and mindee didn't ever socialise with children other than those who were here. Mum asked who would be here, their ages, could they have sweets etc. She gave me a list of food she was going to supply so I could check it was OK for everyone, she told me what she was putting in the goody bags and which cake she was going to buy. She even sent invitations.

On the day the other children arrived with presents and cards and dressed in party clothes. Mindee arrived in normal clothes with nothing - no food, no cake, no party bags. I asked mum where everything was and she just said "oh, I didn't have time to get anything".

I had to rustle up a quick party send my son out to the shop for a cake. I know I could have done nothing and explained to the other parents, but I wasn't going to disappoint the children.

**lollipop kid** · 05-06-2015, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by Mouse

My worst experience was years ago when one mum asked if I could do a little party for her child, just with the children who were here on the day. There were issues at home and mindee didn't ever socialise with children other than those who were here. Mum asked who would be here, their ages, could they have sweets etc. She gave me a list of food she was going to supply so I could check it was OK for everyone, she told me what she was putting in the goody bags and which cake she was going to buy. She even sent invitations.

On the day the other children arrived with presents and cards and dressed in party clothes. Mindee arrived in normal clothes with nothing - no food, no cake, no party bags. I asked mum where everything was and she just said "oh, I didn't have time to get anything".

I had to rustle up a quick party send my son out to the shop for a cake. I know I could have done nothing and explained to the other parents, but I wasn't going to disappoint the children.

Wow - that is a shocker! I haven't come across this yet, but will think twice if any of my parents suggest supplying party things. Thanks for sharing.

L

**lollipop kid** · 05-06-2015, 01:23 PM

Originally Posted by k1rstie

I have a birthday banner that I got from vista print, I put it up outside the house. We then have a plate of artfully arranged Cadbury mini rolls instead of cake. I have a small china cake with a candle in the middle of the plate.

My lot love this. New kids are all happy with this, as they see that this is what the others had when it was their birthdays.

I use the little wooden foot stools from aldi and lidl in my setting, and the kids use them for everything. My last two birthdays, my kids were 3, I had two spare stools that were being kept for emergencies, and still wrapped up. I made the stool up for each of them, and drew flowers and butterflies on for one with sharpies, and did a Thomas and Fireman Sam picture on the other one, plus put their names on. My drawing is pretty shocking.

Both my kids loved them, and they were made more special because they were the same as at Kirstie's.

Love the sound of the china cake, and the Aldi stools. Can you share links to anything similar? (I'm an 'AldiHolic' but haven't come across these stools yet.)

L

**Mouse** · 05-06-2015, 02:03 PM

Originally Posted by lollipop kid

Wow - that is a shocker! I haven't come across this yet, but will think twice if any of my parents suggest supplying party things. Thanks for sharing.

L

I had to make allowances due to the family circumstances, but it certainly made me more cautious.

**mumofone** · 05-06-2015, 06:52 PM

Originally Posted by Mouse

My worst experience was years ago when one mum asked if I could do a little party for her child, just with the children who were here on the day. There were issues at home and mindee didn't ever socialise with children other than those who were here. Mum asked who would be here, their ages, could they have sweets etc. She gave me a list of food she was going to supply so I could check it was OK for everyone, she told me what she was putting in the goody bags and which cake she was going to buy. She even sent invitations. On the day the other children arrived with presents and cards and dressed in party clothes. Mindee arrived in normal clothes with nothing - no food, no cake, no party bags. I asked mum where everything was and she just said "oh, I didn't have time to get anything". I had to rustle up a quick party send my son out to the shop for a cake. I know I could have done nothing and explained to the other parents, but I wasn't going to disappoint the children.

Oh my god thats awful!!

**mumofone** · 05-06-2015, 06:52 PM

Originally Posted by hectors house

I don't think I could have helped myself - I would have said "Oh well if you don't want your present I will take it back to the shop." I generally let all the other parents know when it's a birthday coming up and often they will bring a card in for the birthday child - I now ask the parents to send in a cake, especially after one child had a birthday just a few days before Xmas and the mum was working but the dad was at home and they still sent the child on his birthday - I decided I wasn't going to go all out for a birthday outing, cake etc. I always put up a birthday banner and balloons and make sure we have the child's favourite meal for lunch. I do give a present and a card and they open that with me. This particular mindee with the Xmas birthday, his mum sent in a reduced to clear sponge cake with a Xmas frill round and plain white icing - I ended up using birthday wrapping paper to hide the Xmas frill and putting sprinkles and a toy tractor on the top with candles - thank goodness I also made a few cup cakes as the cake was so dry the children wouldn't eat it!

Damn I wish I'd thought of that line then I would have!

**mumofone** · 05-06-2015, 06:53 PM

Originally Posted by loocyloo

Poor you. I'm sorry this child was ungrateful but from what you've said, I'm not surprised. I hope the parents appreciated your efforts. I usually send card and present home. If child is with me on their birthday then we have a cake with tea/for snack with a few balloons. Schoolies choose their favourite tea ( always pizza! ) I have a schoolie whose mum is always running an international conference when its schoolies birthday and I do try a little harder as mum just can't be there. Mum sends all sorts of bits so schoolie has a special day.

Nope no thanks or acknowledgement from the parents either. Maybe I'm strange(!) but I just find it all so rude!