Some advice? Parent not happy.

**Tippy Toes** · 28-05-2015, 02:58 PM

Hi all
I had an equiry a few weeks ago for a mid day pick up from school when child starts nursery.

I was trying to arrange a convenient meeting day and time for her to come for a chat and see from there. Anyway days I was suggesting she couldn't make due to work and days she suggested I had plans or couldn't do.

The last message I sent to her asked her about a future date when she was back from work business. I asked would that date be good?

I got no reply. So after a few days assumed she had made alternative arrangements.

But a few days ago (3weeks since my email to her) she responded asking could she come for a visit the day after I suggested.

Unfortunately in the meantime an existing parent had asked me to collect her child from school, which I agreed to. (Different school)

I emailed this parent and apologised stating as I didn't receive a reply I assumed she no longer needed the space and have since filled it. (I will have a space but assume the pick up time will clash with existing mindee)

Parent has now responding saying how disappointed she is and that she still needs childcare and that this has now put her in a difficult situation.Her message had come across as quite abrupt.

I replied saying I was sorry but this has happened to me before and never heard from parent again.(can't hold a space just incase?)
Again she come back stating that she is still disappointed!

What do you think?

I emailed her again asking her to let me know what time her daughter finishes school and that maybe I could help if her daughter came out of school earlier or later then my existing mindee.

She just seems very annoyed! Says she has meeting with the school next week but she thinks it will be 12pm finish.and again tells me how disappointed she is! The reason why she didn't reply and telling me she definitely wanted the space!

The thing is, I've had about 20 enquires lately and then ask me a few questions then never reply!

What would you have done on this situation? Any feedback welcome.

Also, how would you deal with it from here onwards.

Thanks if you managed to get through all this! Hope it makes sense?

Xx

**JCrakers** · 28-05-2015, 03:02 PM

Honestly I wouldn't worry about it. If she didn't reply and expected you to hang on for 3 weeks not knowing what she was doing then that's her fault she now has no childcare

I would have replied and just said due to being busy and thinking you were no longer interested the place is now gone.

**Tippy Toes** · 28-05-2015, 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by JCrakers

Honestly I wouldn't worry about it. If she didn't reply and expected you to hang on for 3 weeks not knowing what she was doing then that's her fault she now has no childcare

I would have replied and just said due to being busy and thinking you were no longer interested the place is now gone.

Thanks for your reply, the thing is that is basically the reply I sent her. Wasn't expecting the reply I got back. It threw me a bit and I started wondering if I handled it correctly.

Thanks again xx

**AliceK** · 28-05-2015, 03:20 PM

Don't worry about it, I think we would all have done the same. She sounds like another naïve parent who thinks just because she has made an enquiry that means the space is hers. I don't confirm a space as booked until contracts are signed and any monies paid. If I held a space based on an enquiry / phone call only I would have no children here but no spaces left either.

xx

**Tippy Toes** · 28-05-2015, 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by AliceK

Don't worry about it, I think we would all have done the same. She sounds like another naïve parent who thinks just because she has made an enquiry that means the space is hers. I don't confirm a space as booked until contracts are signed and any monies paid. If I held a space based on an enquiry / phone call only I would have no children here but no spaces left either.

xx

Thanks for your reply. Yes exactly that's how I feel. Her messages to me come across as how dare I give the space to someone else? Almost like I had to get her permission?
She did seem to think because she enquired the space was hers. At no point did I say this. I never have.

Xx

**Mouse** · 28-05-2015, 03:52 PM

I think you've done all you can and would leave it at that.

It's unfortunate that the parent assumed the place would be available at her convenience, but there's not much you can do about that. I wouldn't reply any more or it's just going to carry on with her saying she's disappointed, you saying sorry, her saying she's still disappointed, you saying sorry...

If she does reply again with the nursery times and you do feel you have to reply, I would simply say:

Thank you for getting back to me. Due to existing commitments I will unfortunately not be able to help with childcare. I wish you the very best in your search. Kind regards.

**k1rstie** · 28-05-2015, 03:54 PM

Your post reminds me of when I worked for a supermarket, and parents would come in during the first week in December, shouting that there were no advent calendars left. I always buy mine on October, so I am never caught out.
I found the parents shouting/moaning/ being disappointed ( as in your case ) , is their way of trying to pass the blame of their unorganised parenting on to others.

Don't let it worry you.

**bunyip** · 28-05-2015, 05:13 PM

Don't worry Tippy Toes, you've done absolutely nothing wrong.

In answer to your question, "what do you think?" I think the following.

Mum can be as "disappointed" as she likes: it won't make an ha'penn'orth of difference to anybody until she learns to translate her disappointment into learning the meaning of "consequences" instead of blaming the world for her own mistakes.

You need to stop apologising for things that are not your fault. Good practice is to try not to start sentences with "I'm sorry but....." or "I'm afraid that....." I used to (still do sometimes) but learning this little exercise you can start to take control and not be any fool's doormat.

Never assume. My teacher always told us that an "assumption" is a posh word for a c0ck-up. The only practical change I could possibly suggest to the way you've done things is to say in future, "let me know by such-a-date as I get a lot of interest and won't be turning away enquiries whilst I wait for a response." A very minor point, and by no means a criticism.

You've done nothing wrong: you just crossed paths with a fool and the world is full of the bu88ers.

**Maza** · 28-05-2015, 05:15 PM

You're better off without this one. At least you found out how bad her communication and attitude are before you took her on. It's a business - if she was buying a house would she assume it was hers after the first viewing? Some parents expect us to be at their beck and call and be grateful of the business - yet they wouldn't think twice about dropping us when it suits them. I bet she is going to be embarrassed explaining this one to her husband. She can't force you to look after her child. x

**loocyloo** · 28-05-2015, 07:30 PM

I've just had a mum who thought that because she emailed me 3 months ago, that I would still be taking her child during half term ... she never even replied to my email saying come and see me and we'll discuss it!

**watford wizz** · 28-05-2015, 08:17 PM

You've done nothing wrong. It's not your fault this mum is disorganised and taken your business so lightly. Glad you found out now. I would just say place gone and point in direction of PACEY guidance for parents and local authority minders list.

**Tippy Toes** · 28-05-2015, 09:43 PM

Thanks to everyone for your replies, you've made me feel so much better.

I regret apologising to her now. I did nothing wrong. I must learn not to be so apologetic!

I'm going to email her tomorrow (was too cross this evening) and just keep it simple - space now gone.

Thanks again everyone really do appreciate All your help and advice.

Xx

**tess1981** · 29-05-2015, 07:21 AM

I have parents who ring looking a place and I explain I'm fully booked they are like ah right it's just I need childcare from next week. They hang on the phone and I seem to repeat myself. I now tell them I'm fully booked I will keep your number should a place come up but in the meantime contact social services or NICMA and they will provide you with a list of registered childminders
As for parents not replying not your fault. I would be tempted to say if I did retain that space for you from all those weeks ago you will have to pay me for keeping it lol

**hectors house** · 29-05-2015, 07:52 AM

Maybe you should have replied saying "I'm sorry that you were too inflexible to come to visit and indecisive in reserving a place and have missed the boat"

**Ripeberry** · 29-05-2015, 08:57 AM

You've had a lucky escape! If she is moaning and she's not even met you! The can you imagine what she would have been like to work with?!
Forget about her. It's her problem that she never replied.

**Maza** · 29-05-2015, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by tess1981

I have parents who ring looking a place and I explain I'm fully booked they are like ah right it's just I need childcare from next week. They hang on the phone and I seem to repeat myself. I now tell them I'm fully booked I will keep your number should a place come up but in the meantime contact social services or NICMA and they will provide you with a list of registered childminders
As for parents not replying not your fault. I would be tempted to say if I did retain that space for you from all those weeks ago you will have to pay me for keeping it lol

I get this too!

**bunyip** · 29-05-2015, 09:20 AM

Originally Posted by Tippy Toes

Thanks to everyone for your replies, you've made me feel so much better.

I regret apologising to her now. I did nothing wrong. I must learn not to be so apologetic!

I'm going to email her tomorrow (was too cross this evening) and just keep it simple - space now gone.

Thanks again everyone really do appreciate All your help and advice.

Xx

Don't apologise and don't regret either. Looking on the bright side, 'experience' is the equivalent of a free training course.

The saying goes, "Never apologise, never explain." I try, but consistently fail on the 2nd part of that.

**Tippy Toes** · 29-05-2015, 10:10 AM

Originally Posted by Ripeberry

You've had a lucky escape! If she is moaning and she's not even met you! The can you imagine what she would have been like to work with?!
Forget about her. It's her problem that she never replied.

I know this is exactly how I feel now! Can you just imagine it!

Xx

**Tippy Toes** · 29-05-2015, 10:13 AM

Originally Posted by bunyip

Don't apologise and don't regret either. Looking on the bright side, 'experience' is the equivalent of a free training course.

The saying goes, "Never apologise, never explain." I try, but consistently fail on the 2nd part of that.

Thanks bunyip, I'm going to try and remember this quote! I really need to.

And your right about the experience being somewhat a training course, you learn a lot from situations like this.

Xx