What's your thought on parents using childcare when it's not needed?
Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  24
Dislikes Dislikes:  0
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 21 to 38 of 38
  1. #21
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    190
    Registered Childminder since
    Jun 06
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    I'd say so long as the little girl is happy and thriving then all is good. Sounds like mum has her reasons although some mums really are not maternal. I feel your sadness for this little girl. I have a 6 year old every day after school until 6.30. Her mum has 2 days off a week but has never picked her up early. She goes to her dads house at weekends or grandmas. In the two years I've had her she's never had a play date or a birthday party. Mum never goes to her class assemblies or when parents can go in and participate. It's such a shame. But the worst thing is that she is becoming quite a horrible child. In order to get childrens attention she manipulates and pits kids against each other so they play with her. In order to get adults attention she speaks in a baby voice and is quite disruptive. She was such a sweet girl but mums complete disinterest does seem to be having an effect...... Something to watch and consider!

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    here, there and everywhere
    Posts
    5,463
    Registered Childminder since
    Feb 04
    Latest Inspection Grade
    Good Apr 15
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HTSMumma View Post
    Is this an actual loophole with childcare tax credits or are they being dishonest by not disclosing mum isn't working? I truly don't know. Not that it's any of my business.
    My friend used to get funding (not sure how) to send her children to childcare due to her depression (she had 3 under 3)

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Location
    south coast
    Posts
    2,978
    Registered Childminder since
    Oct 12
    Latest Inspection Grade
    over it ;-)
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    I think it also depends on the definition of needed.

    I had a mum who needed a break so i had lo in a gap when others were at preschool. She was a stay at home mum. So dad assumed she should cope and not need him to step up. She was getting frazzled so needed a break.

  4. Likes bunyip liked this post
  5. #24
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    665
    Registered Childminder since
    Dec 11
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    I think it's strange fur a full time child, are you sure she isn't working? Perhaps work from home job that she can't have a 20m old around?
    I've had twins odd days here and there for respite care.
    One thing I've learnt is that not all parents are like me. I wouldn't dream of keeping my child away from me for any longer than is completely necessary, id feel guilty if I had to take a day off sick and still sent them to childcare, I've had chikdren here on their birthdays, again I would never do this but seems normal to some families. Constantly being late picking up, or early, or forgetting really important things their chikdren have asked for or need, again not my business but feel desperately sorry for some children. And actually parents. So career driven sometimes unaware of what's important to their children.

    I try not to judge but it's very hard when you look after children very emotive and bit easy not to be biased, I don't comment as it's not my place, I get on with my job and let parents get on with it.

    Perhaps there is more to this. Mum tired depressed needs respite, are there issues with bonding?
    At the end of the day, what can you actually do? Just be there for the child and for the family. It sounds like they need you

  6. Likes HTSMumma, Maza, mandy moo liked this post
  7. #25
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Wales
    Posts
    132
    Registered Childminder since
    July 13
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by shortstuff View Post
    I think it also depends on the definition of needed. I had a mum who needed a break so i had lo in a gap when others were at preschool. She was a stay at home mum. So dad assumed she should cope and not need him to step up. She was getting frazzled so needed a break.
    I get respite, I get needing a break. I need breaks and time away from my own kids too....

    Monday to Friday, 9-5.30 though, for almost 48 weeks a year?

  8. #26
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Wales
    Posts
    132
    Registered Childminder since
    July 13
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KatieFS View Post
    I think it's strange fur a full time child, are you sure she isn't working? Perhaps work from home job that she can't have a 20m old around? I've had twins odd days here and there for respite care. One thing I've learnt is that not all parents are like me. I wouldn't dream of keeping my child away from me for any longer than is completely necessary, id feel guilty if I had to take a day off sick and still sent them to childcare, I've had chikdren here on their birthdays, again I would never do this but seems normal to some families. Constantly being late picking up, or early, or forgetting really important things their chikdren have asked for or need, again not my business but feel desperately sorry for some children. And actually parents. So career driven sometimes unaware of what's important to their children. I try not to judge but it's very hard when you look after children very emotive and bit easy not to be biased, I don't comment as it's not my place, I get on with my job and let parents get on with it. Perhaps there is more to this. Mum tired depressed needs respite, are there issues with bonding? At the end of the day, what can you actually do? Just be there for the child and for the family. It sounds like they need you
    No other job. I usually get a little low down on what she has planned for the day before she leaves in the morning. It's usually an errand or two, sleep, TV, lunch with a friend etc etc. Very rarely is it actual work.

    Ah well, you're right, what can I do? They pay me my wages and it's my job after all. Just feel so sad for soon to be middle child. I hope mum will spend some quality time with her when baby is born.

  9. #27
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    665
    Registered Childminder since
    Dec 11
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Yes I would feel the same x

  10. #28
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    665
    Registered Childminder since
    Dec 11
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Another example!!!
    8 yo choir concert, been working towards it for months. Mum and dad busy at work, it's at 7pm Ffs
    Why can't they take time off ? Makes me so cross

  11. #29
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Wales
    Posts
    132
    Registered Childminder since
    July 13
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KatieFS View Post
    Another example!!! 8 yo choir concert, been working towards it for months. Mum and dad busy at work, it's at 7pm Ffs Why can't they take time off ? Makes me so cross
    The poor child. I'd be heartbroken if I couldn't attend an amazing event such as that.

  12. #30
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    My happy place
    Posts
    663
    Registered Childminder since
    Oct 08
    Latest Inspection Grade
    Good
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KatieFS View Post
    Another example!!!
    8 yo choir concert, been working towards it for months. Mum and dad busy at work, it's at 7pm Ffs
    Why can't they take time off ? Makes me so cross
    Can just imagine the lavish Christmas presents they buy to 'compensate' for that!

    L

  13. Likes Ripeberry, shortstuff liked this post
  14. #31
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Cambridgeshire
    Posts
    36
    Registered Childminder since
    Jan 12
    Latest Inspection Grade
    Good
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    I look after twins and the mum is not working and when she was working her children came to me no matter what even if she had a day off. She struggles to cope with them full time hence the reason they go to nursery and a childminder. She has never told me she can't cope but the grandmother has made many comments that tell me this. I used to think she was a bad mother but I take back what I said. You don't know how hard it is until you are in that position yourself, she was a full time mum and dad in one, worked full time to give the children everything she could and Clearly loves her children. its better to ask for help rather than neglect them even if she doesn't have them much herself.
    My lesson I learnt, never Judge a book by its cover unless you have reason to!

  15. #32
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    346
    Registered Childminder since
    nov 02
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    i think its about time the government tightened up the tax credits rules for childcare which enables parents to do this! this parent has absolutely no legitimate use for a full time childcare place and after school care but abuses the system because she can and the tax payers foot the bill. a prime example of what is wrong with this country and she is not alone!

  16. Likes Ripeberry liked this post
  17. #33
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Posts
    346
    Registered Childminder since
    nov 02
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mouse View Post
    It sounds as if you have a very low opinion of this mum and that may be clouding your judgement.

    As you say, if mum was rich and using a nanny you wouldn't think the same. If mum was wealthy, used you for full time childcare, but spent her time out having lunch, visiting friends, going to the beauty salon and going to the gym would you feel the same? Would you suspect her of emotional neglect? But you worry this child is suffering from neglect because they are with you full time while mum stays at home 'binge watching TV'?

    To be honest, it's no business of mine what parents do while their children are here. I offer a childcare service. It isn't only for working parents. It's for anyone who wants to send their child to me, for whatever reason. You don't always know what's going on at home. Maybe mum is lazy, maybe she finds it hard to cope, maybe she just isn't very maternal. Whatever the reason I bet the child benefits hugely from coming to you - maybe they're better off full time with you than being at home?
    i think all of the above is fine unless its being funded by the taxpayers via tax credits! why should this be funded so she can laze around all day, if she was footing the bill herself then its a different story

  18. Likes Ripeberry liked this post
  19. #34
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Northern Ireland
    Posts
    804
    Registered Childminder since
    sept 07
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by alwaysright View Post
    i think its about time the government tightened up the tax credits rules for childcare which enables parents to do this! this parent has absolutely no legitimate use for a full time childcare place and after school care but abuses the system because she can and the tax payers foot the bill. a prime example of what is wrong with this country and she is not alone!
    This is a very valid point ...
    Tess1981

  20. #35
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    By the sea
    Posts
    9,334
    Latest Inspection Grade
    Outstanding
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by alwaysright View Post
    i think all of the above is fine unless its being funded by the taxpayers via tax credits! why should this be funded so she can laze around all day, if she was footing the bill herself then its a different story
    Th OP says that parents claim tax credits, not specifically the childcare element of tax credits. I don't think it's fair to judge the family based on the limited knowledge we have of them and their financial situation and on the assumption that they are using childcare funding when mum doesn't work.

  21. Likes lollipop kid liked this post
  22. #36
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Wales
    Posts
    132
    Registered Childminder since
    July 13
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Family receives childcare element of tax credits.



    The funding of the childcare doesn't really bother me. Yes, it may be that the family aren't entitled to the childcare element of tax credits. That's between the family and HMRC.


    And mum doesn't have twins and has a fully supportive partner and father of the kids... Despite me already saying I totally understand having a bit of respite and time away from kids, two situations are completely different.


    My only issue is the well-being of the middle child, especially when the baby is born as mum intends to continue to send 20 month old girl to full time childcare, whilst on maternity leave, whilst baby and eldest boys are at home with her.


    Again, I understand the need for respite. Is sending one of your children to childcare Monday to Friday 9am to 5.30pm respite though?


    I'm hoping that as family are in receipt of childcare tax credits that it'll be no odds to her if she's paid for the childcare and will keep her child at home some days so middle child can bond with her new brother and won't feel pushed out.

    I'm also considering taking a day off in the week from September so that may force mum to spend time with her. It'll all depend on whether me reducing a day means she'll cancel her contract with me or not, as I won't take a day off if it'll jeopardise a huge part of my income.

  23. #37
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    1,978
    Registered Childminder since
    Nov 13
    Latest Inspection Grade
    Outstanding
    Post Thanks / Like
    Blog Entries
    1

    Default

    Haven't read all this thread but personally I don't think it's our place to judge why a parent uses our services.

    I think if you want to have a day off mid week you do so for your self or family, not think this will make a parent do what you want them to do. Like others I have read said, you never know what is happening in a child's home and who are we to judge whether that is right or wrong.....unless it is to do with safeguarding which this doesn't seem to be or you would have followed that route already.

  24. Likes mandy moo liked this post
  25. #38
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Wales
    Posts
    132
    Registered Childminder since
    July 13
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FloraDora View Post
    Haven't read all this thread but personally I don't think it's our place to judge why a parent uses our services. I think if you want to have a day off mid week you do so for your self or family, not think this will make a parent do what you want them to do. Like others I have read said, you never know what is happening in a child's home and who are we to judge whether that is right or wrong.....unless it is to do with safeguarding which this doesn't seem to be or you would have followed that route already.
    You misunderstand. I want to have a day off midweek because I want a day off, I'm not pursuing the opportunity to have a day off purely because I want mum to spend time with her daughter, that would be madness. It would be a nice side effect though! I won't go ahead with taking a day off if that means they or anyone else would cancel their whole contract with me as that would jeopardise my income and affect my family.

    Really trying not to judge here. Which is why I came here asking for thoughts of other, more experienced childminders. Yes, I have concerns. If I didn't, I'd happily just take their money, look after their child and go la de da!!

    But, While I think we are in no place to make judgements, we are in a prime position to make observations and if we feel it's necessary, report concerns to parents and/or social services.
    I don't think this case is for social services to worry about but I came to this forum to help process my worries and try to gain advice from those who may have experienced a similar situation.

 

 
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Quick Links and Advertisements

Important Information Links
Some Useful Quick Links
Advertisements

 

You can also find us on:
What's your thought on parents using childcare when it's not needed? What's your thought on parents using childcare when it's not needed? What's your thought on parents using childcare when it's not needed?

We use cookies to make this site as useful as possible. They are small text files placed in your browser to track usage of our site but they don’t tell us who you are.
By continuing to use this site you are consenting to cookies being placed on your computer. Find out more here: Cookies in Use

Childminding Help and the Childminding Forum are part of Childcare.co.uk