Incident with angry parent

**mrsb79** · 04-02-2015, 07:15 AM

Morning all I will start from the beginning to give a clear picture, last Thursday evening I sent a message to the parent saying " Hi ****** as you can see the weathers not been great today and we are forecast more snow and ice and there are weather warnings in place for this. If the paths are too treacherous in the morning then I will not be able to take **** to school as I have 3 littlies in tow 2 in double buggy and 1 in the sling. Obviously the weather maybe fine in which case I can take **** however I won't know until first thing so I can text you then if you like. Hayley.
Now parent obviously wasn't happy and her responses were quite blunt but I reminded her that I have the safety of the other children to think about too and I'm constantly having to risk assess. Well mum text me back an hour later saying sorted you don't need to take ****. Fast forward to yesterday and we had quite a bit of snow again but as I only had the 2 littlies in the morning this week I was happy to take **** to school. Mum and child arrive I say morning and start to explain my decision on why it's ok to take **** this week but if bad weather continues next week when I have 3 littlies I wouldn't be able to do it, I was met with mums reaction of her shaking her fists in the air at me shouting and screaming from the top of her voice and nasty name calling of me all in front of her child and within ear shot of mine I asked her several times to stop shouting and swearing which she ignored so I asked her to take her child and leave!! She refused to take her child !!! She marched off to get her husband from the car so I sent her child after her and locked my door the woman was irate screaming and swearing in the street. I called the police to log the incident incase of any repercussions and I notified Ofsted because I'd rang the police. Ofsted were laughable and asked what other minded children I had in the house I said only her child and my 3 children " oh well there's nothing we can do then! If you had minded children we could do something ! Like what ?? I only rang them to have it noted incase mum felt it necessary to complain. I sent parent a message saying that due to her threatening behaviour I was terminating the contract with immediate affect and that she has 14 days to pay the outstanding fees, I also notified her that I had rang the police and Ofsted and that this would be the last time I contact her. She immediately responded with I'm not paying a penny and that I'm harsh for ringing the police and that she's also complained to Ofsted because I refused to take her child and that she was only telling me what she thought of me

**watford wizz** · 04-02-2015, 08:06 AM

How horrid and frightening x I think you did exactly the right thing. You kept yourself and your children safe you were right in calling the police. Well done you x

**chris goodyear** · 04-02-2015, 08:15 AM

You did exactly the right thing, some people are unbelievable! I would have dissolved into tears once I'd shut and locked the door as I absolutely hate confrontation. Maybe she was having a very bad day but still no excuse.

**Ripeberry** · 04-02-2015, 08:23 AM

You did the right thing. I won't tolerate anyone threatening me, especially on my own doorstep! You did the right thing telling Ofsted. If any complaint appears then they know that you followed procedure. Hope you find a nicer family.

**mrsb79** · 04-02-2015, 08:42 AM

Thanks ladies she was absolutely vile and verbally attacked me and screamed at me to sort my effing crying baby out, urm she's crying cause your shouting and screaming at her mummy. I've got a feeling she has a history with the police as they are quite keen to come out and see me. I felt awful for her child but had no choice. My hubby keeps ringing me to check in ok bless him it was upsetting because I've never been spoken to like that before. I've documented it all and have a copy in the back of my complaints file and a copy with his contract that I've filed away. I'm not worried about taking anyone else on and the money doesn't bother me I will wait 14 days then pass the debt on. X

**lollipop kid** · 04-02-2015, 09:20 AM

Just wanted to send you a big hug. What an awful situation. Well done you for keeping your head and doing exactly the right thing.

I would just add that it may be an idea to call the PACEY legal helpline, if you're a member, or the MM one (if you use them). Just to update them and get them onside (they may be able to help you chase the money if/when it comes to it?)

Good luck,

L

**natlou82** · 04-02-2015, 09:28 AM

Also wanted to send a hug, what an awful situation x And I totally agree you did the right thing x

**skatie** · 04-02-2015, 09:33 AM

Such a nightmare! That's a downside to our jobs is that our business is our home and if we have an awkward situation it's right on our doorstep. Sorry you've had to deal with that and your children had to witness such a vile outburst. I think you dealt with it really well! Will you have to see this lady at school?

**fran90** · 04-02-2015, 09:39 AM

Poor you how awful. I hope she is spoken to about her disgusting behaviour, especially as it was in front of children.

**skyblue** · 04-02-2015, 09:49 AM

How horrible for you. What an awful woman! You dealt with it in exactly the right way. Sending a big hug too xx

**mrsb79** · 04-02-2015, 09:50 AM

No I won't have to see her again but will probably bump into her at some point when I'm out and about but if I have any more trouble from her I will just call the police. I could've pushed for a breach of the peace yesterday and said to the police that if any neighbours complain then she will need speaking to. I'm sure you've all seen / heard it before her classic line was " I pay you to take my child to school not to say you can't do it " I did point out to her that she doesn't employ me and that I'm well within my rights to open and close my business as I see fit. I had to close late last year for a week as my baby girl had hand foot and mouth and I took a day off in January to attend my nans funeral so for the 12 months I had her child I've had 7 days off that don't fit in with her plans. Ofsted are as good as a chocolate teapot they didn't want to note anything down but I pushed the issue with them and said I wanted it noted that I have informed them of an incident. Must say it's lovely today not rushing for the school run so that's a positive to come out of yesterday's negativity xx

**JCrakers** · 04-02-2015, 09:54 AM

Hugs to you. I would have done the same and terminated straight away. It must have been awful for you, what an awful woman. Even if she was having a bad day then that's no way to act.

It's typical of Ofsted though...they are fine to judge and pick fault with us but don't give a monkeys about our welfare and our own families. They usually want nothing to do with our own children which is awful.

**watford wizz** · 04-02-2015, 10:28 AM

You could back up your phone call to ofsted with a "I am writing to confirm my phone call, date, time, concerning ...... Just so you have some proof. Include as much detail as possible including police case number.

**bunyip** · 04-02-2015, 10:36 AM

From what you say, it sounds very much as if you've done the right thing.

My guess is that Ofsted's lack of interest stems from their very matter-of-fact approach. They would probably only regard this as a safeguarding-related incident if there had been other mindees present and potentially at risk from a potentially violent/threatening parent. They'd then want to be sure you had protected those children. Sounds like you had it all covered in any case.

I'm assuming your contract/policies already cover the right to give immediate notice for unreasonable behaviour by a client.

One other thing, and your contract/policies may well already cover this, but I'll mention it anyway in case any CMs reading this have yet to consider it. We should never guarantee school runs in terms of contracting ourselves to perform the actual pick up/drop off at school. To do so, means a CM would be in breach of contract in such circumstances as snow, etc, and could be held liable for any costs incurred by the parent in taking time off work or getting emergency childcare to do it.

The safest thing to do is to put the times (only) on the contract and not write down anything like "including to/from school". Have a policy which states that, whilst you will endeavour to do school runs in normal circumstances, you will make a judgement based on the wellbeing of all mindees in exceptional circumstances, such as bad weather, emergency incidents, etc. Remember anything can happen. I've never been prevented/delayed by bad weather, but have had severe delays due to a chemical spillage, a building fire and a lorry stuck under a bridge en route.

**mrsb79** · 04-02-2015, 11:33 AM

Thanks Bunyip think I've been clever without realising it, I only specify the hours and my policies and procedures state about adverse weather and safeguarding of all children. She just didn't seem to see that if I hadn't taken her child on Friday I would've been putting myself and 3 small children at risk let alone her child. It's her loss and it's doubtful that she will find another minder as I was the only one at that school xx

**Maza** · 04-02-2015, 12:00 PM

Sending you big hugs. How awful for you, I would have been in pieces. You are better off without this woman in your life. xxx

**KatieFS** · 04-02-2015, 12:42 PM

You did exactly the right thing, just make sure you have written everything down as an incident. What will the police do about it? Have they been in touch with her yet?

**mrsb79** · 04-02-2015, 02:08 PM

The police are eager to come out to me however with work it's not practical and I have said that if the parent continues to contact me or causes anymore trouble then I will contact them. They did say they wanted to speak to her as her behaviour is unacceptable they asked me for her contact details which I gave and that was that. Not had anything today. Thanks for all the hugs and support makes me feel much better it not nice being so authoritative but I'm glad I used my back bone yesterday xx

**VeggieSausage** · 04-02-2015, 02:09 PM

god grief awful woman.....you were very dynamic!

**Snowwhite** · 04-02-2015, 02:58 PM

That is terrible.It's makes you wonder why we do this job!!!? For the last 3 years i have had a severe weather policy in place,so could i suggest you do that for all parents? It contains all the info a parent needs about what happens with your service and school runs with snow/ severe ice. Also says what is suitable in regards to clothing and footwear. All parents are given a copy of it when signing up with me and are given any updated versions. I have found this to be the most clear and understanding way for parents to know exactly where they stand when snow/severe ice is due,and will remind them to re-read the policy if any is due,as we all know parents tend to forget or not bother! This is my own policy and i have found it to be very useful.