Help, want to say no but don't want it to sound terrible!
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  1. #1
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    Default Help, want to say no but don't want it to sound terrible!

    I have got a lot harder in this job ever since I started but I've been approached by an exsisting parent to work extra hours and I don't want to do it but don't feel I can say no, advice please :

    I previously had mindee from a year old and her sibling before and after school, the younger child was not a problem but the sibling was terrible, I used to dread her coming she was so rude, bossy, naughty and didn't get on with my eldest son at all, but there was always a light at the end of the tunnel as the parent was always going to finish college which she did last May.
    Then since sept mum bought the youngest one back for a few hours a week and told me she will be leaving in April to go to pre school which was fine. Last week mum told me she's been accepted back to college in April, she doesn't want the youngest going to nursery yet until sept so could I have her back 5 days a week. I don't work fridays or weds afternoons so am arranging (with mums approval) of another local cm to do those days.
    The problem is she's asked me to have the older sibling back as well before and after school. I really don't want to but how do you say to a parent I'll take the youngest but I don't want the oldest one back!!! I've told mum that as from sept I wasn't going to care for school children and just stick to the under 5s ive had nothing but grief from the older ones and my children don't like the older ones being around.
    I just have no idea how to put it to her that I can tKe the youngest but not the oldest. I already have after school children at the moment I don't know wether to use that excuse or not. My husband says I need to stop going over it and panicking and just say no. If only it was that easy!!

  2. #2
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    Are you getting rid of all your after schoolers? If so, easy- you are 'changing your business structure to only care for pre-school ages'.
    If you are not getting rid of the other after schoolies, you can say 'I am starting to change my business structure to only care for pre-school ages therefore I am no longer taking on school-age children'.

    Keep it formal and business-like if it feels difficult to say, put it in writing if it helps.
    Good luck. Stick to what you want to do- it is your business and your family.

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  4. #3
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    hugs, its a hard one.

    say to mum that you don't have availability for after schoolers at the moment. if she says but you only have XYZ and you are allowed abc, stay strong, and say you don't have availability. if you really feel the need the 'explain' say that as you are stopping schoolies come September, you are not taking any new children on this year. does school after an afterschool club?

    is there a risk that the minder you share care with can do fulltime and after schooler, and that you may lose child? however, if you don't want older sibling, that is your choice, and I would just say 'sorry, I can't do it.'

    good luck xxx

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  6. #4
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    Yes, by sept I'll have no after schoolers left as they leave in the summer so I thought I'd just make the decision to not take on anymore. I did think about maybe saying from sept when I'll have no other after schoolers I'd take her on but not sure.

    We haven't arranged another minder yet but in talks and she can't offer a full time space anyway. I've thought about after school clubs but our school is really thin on the ground with them. Maybe I just need to be stronger and just say no, but mums so good with her words telling me how amazing I am, and how I've moved her child on so much etc makes me feel guilty and always end up saying yes to her, need to toughen up!!!

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  8. #5
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    Be blunt and say no to both (if you don't want them). You don't have to give a reason.
    Need a laugh? Visit my website: www.unclegargy.deviantART.com

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  10. #6
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    If its going to make you unhappy then don't do it. You need to think of you're own feeling and that of your children

    I would just say that you are not taking any school children on....I know its hard because I find it really hard to say No...that's why I ended up with a house full of children and now I'm having to cut back on a day as I'm making myself ill with overwork.
    Only do what makes you happy. On a positive side if you do say Yes and then change your mind she will probably be more annoyed than if you just give a straight No from the onset.
    Time Out.. The perfect time for thinking about what you're going to destroy next.

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    When you don't feel able to say "no" - that's exactly when you need to say "no".

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    Just say you're not doing aftrr school anymore but have full timr space (if you want to tske younger one), I used to dread one set of kids, thr moment I gave notice I felt so relieved and happy again, it's your business you decide what you're going to work dont try to please everyone

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    You know you'll regret it if you do it, so take a deep breath & say no.

    I would say to mum that you're sorry, but you won't be able to take on the older child, but you are ore than happy to have the younger child if she still wants that. You might have to be prepared to lose them both, but that's got to be better than taking on a child then regretting it.

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    I would just say that you not taking on any more after school children, and if pushed, explain that the current children are leaving too - she doesn't need to know when - and that's why you aren't taking on anymore

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  18. #11
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    Thanks everyone. Just an update I spoke to mum today and after the advice on here said no to the after schooler and mum was fine about it as her college timetable says she will be home earlier and she should be able to arrange something else for the school child but she wants the younger one to stay with me.

    Thank you all for telling me to say no, I feel liberated

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  20. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miss freckles View Post
    Thanks everyone. Just an update I spoke to mum today and after the advice on here said no to the after schooler and mum was fine about it as her college timetable says she will be home earlier and she should be able to arrange something else for the school child but she wants the younger one to stay with me.

    Thank you all for telling me to say no, I feel liberated
    It's a good feeling, isn't it?

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    I do think we, and I mean the collective we meaning females, generally over think things that are far more straightforward than we believe they're going to be

    Because we've been asked, we automatically assume saying no is going to become an issue, when the reality is probably more geared around the fact that it was just easier to ask the CM than to start having to ring round family and friends

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  23. #14
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    I think you are right KW. Also the saying' if you don't ask, you don't get!' holds true.

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  25. #15
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    I've got these conversations coming next week! Not taking any more school age children from sept. For the same reasons, upsetting my children being disruptive.
    Going to speak to parents next week, so it gives them plenty of time to organise alternative cover
    I'll feel relieved when it's done!

  26. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miss freckles View Post
    Thanks everyone. Just an update I spoke to mum today and after the advice on here said no to the after schooler and mum was fine about it as her college timetable says she will be home earlier and she should be able to arrange something else for the school child but she wants the younger one to stay with me.

    Thank you all for telling me to say no, I feel liberated
    Glad you said no and sorted it out

    Well done

    Angel xxx

  27. #17
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    Well done you, it must be such a relief! I've totally 'over thought' things too and when I eventually plucked up the courage to say no (after rewriting the email a zillion times) the mum has been totally fine! x

 

 

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