Struggling

[mummytotwo]

Hi

Thank you all so much for your replies. I was trying to have a break from worrying about it over the weekend which was why I hadnt logged on. It didnt work though, I've been so worked up and upset about it all weekend.

I've actually called mum and asked her to collect him, he's been absolutely hysterical all morning! We have agreed that we will start a notice period from today. Mums going to see a nursery this afternoon. I feel relived but devastated at the same time! I don't want him to go but I'm making myself ill trying to help him through this, I have literally tried everything. I know that some people won't agree with my decision to let him go but I think it would be worse for him to stay in an environment where he's so anxious.

Karen1: I hope ur LO has been as bit more settled today?

This may well have put me off taking on another baby : S
x

[smurfette]

Hope you feel better now a decision has been made. You will get another lovely little one come along and you will know it was right thing for uou x

[Karen1]

[Hi

Mindful mama, in reply. I am annoyed with the mum because she is messing around, we were meant to be trying a drip drip approach with child. Im worried that child will be worse for not coming at all, and is too messed around. This is only meant to be temporary and we talked about doing Less hours each day to help her settle as next week is mums exam and i will have her for a long day. But pulling her out completely yesterday and now today will not help for tuesday, plus im wondering if she will send the rest of week!. Plus with the messing about of other things.

Mummyoftwo i bet you are feeling relieved though! I know i will be when this contract ends.

[joannetalbot]

Hi

Thank you all so much for your replies. I was trying to have a break from worrying about it over the weekend which was why I hadnt logged on. It didnt work though, I've been so worked up and upset about it all weekend.

I've actually called mum and asked her to collect him, he's been absolutely hysterical all morning! We have agreed that we will start a notice period from today. Mums going to see a nursery this afternoon. I feel relived but devastated at the same time! I don't want him to go but I'm making myself ill trying to help him through this, I have literally tried everything. I know that some people won't agree with my decision to let him go but I think it would be worse for him to stay in an environment where he's so anxious.

Karen1: I hope ur LO has been as bit more settled today?

This may well have put me off taking on another baby : S
x

Hi Mummytotwo

Please don't feel bad about letting this child go, you have done absolutely everything you could to help this child settle - some would have given up long ago. sometimes we just can't help some children....... i had 2 in the space of a year and I know that i did all I could but sometimes we just have to do whats right for us and our family.

once you get over all this stress you'll feel like a different person and start to enjoy childminding again.

big hugs to you XXX

[mummytotwo]

Thank you : ). I do feel relived, but also feel awful saying that! He is an adorable little man and I really wish things could have been different!

Not sure I would take on another LO under 12 months again, but if I did I really hope I don't have to go through this again. Giving notice is the worst thing ive ever had to do : (

Still I'll have the xmas holidays with my children and will hopefully find another LO to start afresh in the new year.

Thanks again, glad to know i'm not alone : )

Good luck Karen1, I hope the situation with your lo works out for the best! Maybe youll be one of the lucky ones as theyll just suddenly get over it x

[joannetalbot]

Thank you : ). I do feel relived, but also feel awful saying that! He is an adorable little man and I really wish things could have been different!

Not sure I would take on another LO under 12 months again, but if I did I really hope I don't have to go through this again. Giving notice is the worst thing ive ever had to do : (

Still I'll have the xmas holidays with my children and will hopefully find another LO to start afresh in the new year.

Thanks again, glad to know i'm not alone : )

Good luck Karen1, I hope the situation with your lo works out for the best! Maybe youll be one of the lucky ones as theyll just suddenly get over it x

Feeling relieved is only natural after all that you've been through...in time you'll feel that a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You can't feel that now (and certainly won't while you're working out your notice period) but it will come.

Giving notice for the first time is always really, really hard but deep down you know you've done the right thing for you and your family.

I'm sure come in the new year you'll be ready to start afresh.

I am currently in a real quandry myself after saying i'd never look after babies again after my last 2 terrible experiences I'm having a parent interview tomorrow with a 9 month old's parents! Am I crazy? Yes, probably but i feel that i'm ready to move on......in time you will too, good luck!!!

jo xxx

[smurfette]

Sometimes I think it's when they are over a year that there is a problem! Over here in Ireland mums get about a year off after baby is born, and most of my enquirers are mums going back to work and baba is in and around 12/13 months..this has been the age of the three that I have had problems with. By contrast the little one I have now who is a dream baby came to see me at 9 months and was 11 months when mum went back to work with settling in between. Interestingly one of my friends called up today and she made strange, though I have never seen it.. I feel as though she was settled with me before she reached the 'making strange' stage and was too young to be too worried who she was with as long as she was fed and minded! She has been left with grandparents which probably helps if they are 'passed around' though this doesn't always make a difference .. The one who has just left who was always hard work spent lots of time with hers!

So if I get an enquiry from a mum and Lo is less than 11/12 months , I would definitely see them. And see if you can persuade mum to leave Lo with you for short bursts even soon after that .. Tell her to take some 'me time' or get hair / clothes organised for back to work. Good for mum too and make her more confident leaving Lo with you which should reduce the mum being clingy and passing her anxieties to baby that we see! It is so hard to leave them I know and we are strangers!

[joannetalbot]

Sometimes I think it's when they are over a year that there is a problem! Over here in Ireland mums get about a year off after baby is born, and most of my enquirers are mums going back to work and baba is in and around 12/13 months..this has been the age of the three that I have had problems with. By contrast the little one I have now who is a dream baby came to see me at 9 months and was 11 months when mum went back to work with settling in between. Interestingly one of my friends called up today and she made strange, though I have never seen it.. I feel as though she was settled with me before she reached the 'making strange' stage and was too young to be too worried who she was with as long as she was fed and minded! She has been left with grandparents which probably helps if they are 'passed around' though this doesn't always make a difference .. The one who has just left who was always hard work spent lots of time with hers!

So if I get an enquiry from a mum and Lo is less than 11/12 months , I would definitely see them. And see if you can persuade mum to leave Lo with you for short bursts even soon after that .. Tell her to take some 'me time' or get hair / clothes organised for back to work. Good for mum too and make her more confident leaving Lo with you which should reduce the mum being clingy and passing her anxieties to baby that we see! It is so hard to leave them I know and we are strangers!

I was really grateful for your advice this morning as it made me look at things a little differently before I actually had the p/interview! Remembering that younger babies ARE sometimes easier to care for than the 1 year + was good advice! The p/interview went really well and this time I asked lots of questions about how well the baby had been socialised i.e. toddler groups, music groups etc as my last baby hadn't been socialised at all, and i mean not at all, so this time I was very careful to ask those kind of questions and it turns out that yes she is so that's a plus point! My previous baby had literally been cocooned with parents for the first year of his life and had no social skills so when he came to me he suffered from terrible separation anxiety.

my problem is that I do need to take on another child financially but i'm really worried the same thing is going to happen again and to go through it a 3rd time!!! i don't think ive got it in me to be honest. I really feel that the stuffing was knocked out of me with the previous 2 and thats why im so hesitant now

it'd be nice if it worked out well but who has a crystal ball eh! i know we have our settling in period's to fall back on but sometimes that's not enough - my current settling in is 6 weeks but I guess i could always extend that if i had any doubts??!!

I actually need somebody to make the decision for me....................on the one hand i need the money but on the other i'm really worried

sorry for hijacking your post mummytotwo but you may find yourself in this situation next time as you may be as hesitant as I am now!!

XXXX

[KatieFS]

It's a job with big ups and downs. You've given this such a good go and done everything I can think you could do. This child has attachment difficulties perhaps separation anxiety but as others said some little ones are just anxious and have high levels of anxiety and need more 122. If you can't do that - as I could not and I guess most other cm's couldn't then call it a day, make life easy for yourself - the relief you will feel after.
Good luck x

[yummyripples]

Just wanted to say to everyone who said that they won't take a baby on again - I know how you feel. Without going into boring detail I was in the same position about 18 months ago. I spoke to mum who told me I was basically rubbish with babies and only good with toddlers and older children. This really upset me and I was about to give up minding.
However I still had 2 children in my care and didn't want to give up on them.
Since then I have had an 11m, 9m & 8m old start with absolutely no problems at all. I took on a 12m old who cried for 3 weeks solid but we have come out the other side.
What I saying is that all babies are different. Not every child is suited to every childminder . Don't let it knock your confidence and get you down. As long as you do the best you can you can hold your head up high

[bunyip]

Just wanted to say to everyone who said that they won't take a baby on again - I know how you feel. Without going into boring detail I was in the same position about 18 months ago. I spoke to mum who told me I was basically rubbish with babies and only good with toddlers and older children. This really upset me and I was about to give up minding.
However I still had 2 children in my care and didn't want to give up on them.
Since then I have had an 11m, 9m & 8m old start with absolutely no problems at all. I took on a 12m old who cried for 3 weeks solid but we have come out the other side.
What I saying is that all babies are different. Not every child is suited to every childminder . Don't let it knock your confidence and get you down. As long as you do the best you can you can hold your head up high

I agree.

Just took on 3 babies (part time) in September, and was worried what I'd let myself in for. Hard work, and for once I have to agree with all the comments of "you've got your hands full" at toddler group, library, etc.

But........... I'm actually far happier now than I was earlier this year. Then I had two older EY children (3&4yo respectively) and couldn't do a thing with them cos of all the 'baggage' they brought with them as a result of chaotic/spoilt upbringing.

I've decided I like 4yo's if I've had them at a much younger age to 'whip* them into shape' (*figuratively, not literally. )

Next baby due to start in February - bring it on.