Informing parents of negative behaviour

[Natalierose]

Have a child 2 yrs who has recently started throwing a tantrum as soon as they are told no, have to wait for a turn or are generally not getting what they want. The child will scream, hit, kick out etc
Any way to the point I'm finding at pick up time it is becoming a very negative time as I want to make parent aware. I always start with the positives and then make them aware of any incidents. Is they're any methods you use to inform them rather than telling them infront of the child? as I feel this then brings it all up again when the incident happened hours ago.
Any advice appreciated x

[Mouse]

Do you need to let them know of each individual incident? Rather than breaking it down I would do a general overview of the day. Keep a record yourself of any incidents that warrant an individual note, but if you have dealt with it, don't bring it up again.

As an overview I would start with the positives, as you do, then just say that they are still struggling with sharing, tantrums etc. Rather than mention it all at pick up, maybe have meeting every now & again to discuss behaviour in general.

[Natalierose]

Do you need to let them know of each individual incident? Rather than breaking it down I would do a general overview of the day. Keep a record yourself of any incidents that warrant an individual note, but if you have dealt with it, don't bring it up again. As an overview I would start with the positives, as you do, then just say that they are still struggling with sharing, tantrums etc. Rather than mention it all at pick up, maybe have meeting every now & again to discuss behaviour in general.

Yes I think I'll have to just do a general overview as I'm getting anxious as it gets close to pick up time as it's all doom and gloom, when there is always more positives any way.
Would you suggest that I make mum aware that I'm keeping a note of the more significant tantrums so that I can try and recognise a pattern in what is triggering them? Any little tiffs I don't bother sharing but they do generally escalate very quickly.
Very grateful for your advice as feeling a bit stuck on this one. Thank you

[moggy]

I'd be writing about things through the day in the daily diary, then I know parents will read it and we can have a written discussion there without speaking in front of the child. Then a face t face planned meeting if needed.

[Simona]

Have a child 2 yrs who has recently started throwing a tantrum as soon as they are told no, have to wait for a turn or are generally not getting what they want. The child will scream, hit, kick out etc
Any way to the point I'm finding at pick up time it is becoming a very negative time as I want to make parent aware. I always start with the positives and then make them aware of any incidents. Is they're any methods you use to inform them rather than telling them infront of the child? as I feel this then brings it all up again when the incident happened hours ago.
Any advice appreciated x

Tantrums are notorious in 2 year olds and I think most of us have come across them...some people call this phase 'the terrible 2s'....it is simply due to development and inability to reason.

The child's parents will be fully aware he is having them at home...the trick is to share a strategy where the child gets the same message when he has a tantrum...most are due to frustration and when told no...because they cannot reflect or understand as yet and want their way!!

Share this with parents and see what they suggest
Temper tantrums - Pregnancy and baby guide - NHS Choices

[hectors house]

Sometimes I find a couple of incidents of bad behaviour can cloud your view of how the whole day has been - I remember telling the parent of a child with behaviour problems to write a list of times with an hour gap on a piece of paper and write down if that hour had been generally good or bad - if hour gaps were too long to break it down into half hour slots - hopefully then you and the parent could see that the majority of the day was good and calm with just the odd incident. Bit like if it rains a couple of times in the day you say it has been a wet day, forgetting that most of it was dry.

[FussyElmo]

Sometimes I find a couple of incidents of bad behaviour can cloud your view of how the whole day has been - I remember telling the parent of a child with behaviour problems to write a list of times with an hour gap on a piece of paper and write down if that hour had been generally good or bad - if hour gaps were too long to break it down into half hour slots - hopefully then you and the parent could see that the majority of the day was good and calm with just the odd incident. Bit like if it rains a couple of times in the day you say it has been a wet day, forgetting that most of it was dry.

I agree with this

I would also not be telling parents of every tantrum unless it resulted in them hurting themselves or another child.

My standard comment is x has been a little spirited/determined today but we have really enjoyed doing this and this. At 2 she really is just testing the boundaries

[blue bear]

When parents say have they been good, I say he's been testing the boundaries a bit but you should have seen him build the castle of bricks blah blah blah, really build up the positives and just generalise about normal two year old behaviour hence the testing boundaries. They know what I mean just no point bludgeoning them over the wad with every little incident.

[Natalierose]

Thank you all, some really good advice there! It's made me think more clearly about it aswel.

[Chatterbox Childcare]

I would have the child ready with shoes and coat on waiting at the door at collection time. I have a trying child and mum will ask how he has been and I will reply "relatively good with a few ups and downs". Parents need to know that they are leaving their child with a capable person and if you continually say how bad maybe that will be questioned?


this is a phase and you can deal with it - persevere and you will get there