difficult situation

[Rickers83]

My DD 6 is the only girl at the setting out of 6 children, I've noticed increasingly that she us left out of games & moaned at if she trys to join in or change anything (I've tried setting things up for them & talking to them all but to no avail)

Thursday night was particularly bad.

This morning one of the mums hands me a note she found in her ds bag from my daughter saying he is nasty & she doesn't like him.
She is very cross & has demanded I get to the bottom of it.

I will obviously talk to my DD & am upset she has done this, but can also see why.

It also annoys me that this mum has demanded an explanation, when her son has done numerous things here (including covering my bathroom in toothpaste) & because he cries no explanation is or ever has been given, not even a sorry!

What would you do?

[SEAS13]

What a horrid situation, I really feel for your DD. I'm not childminding yet, but if I were in that situation I would first of all make a plan on how to resolve the situation between the two children. Perhaps set up some sort of team activities and pair them together so they have to work together. It might help them make up as friends and bond a bit better.

Then I would invite mum round for a cup of tea and cake and explain exactly what had been going on, and how your daughter had been feeling, but also explain you don't condone what she has done. A reasonable, but friendly chat might help the mum see both sides. Tell her what you have arranged to try and smooth things over and if she isn't happy, ask her for some suggestions.

It's very awkward, and unpleasant, but often a day or two for tempers to calm, and a reasonable chat can diffuse things.

[Mouse]

I think how you deal with it depends on how much you need the work.

If you want to keep on mum's good side you need to apologise, explain tactfully how your daughter feels left out and how unkind the boys can be to her, then say you will monitor the situation and see what you can do to encourage the children to get along.

If you could happily say goodbye to this family I would take a tougher stance. I would say that your daughter feels left out in her own home as the boys can be so unkind to her. Say you're very sorry that your daughter has been pushed into sending a note, but that you will obviously support her as she is the one being victimised. Say you would be grateful if she would speak to her son and try to find out why he is so unkind to your daughter. You will monitor the situation and decide whether their contract is something you want to continue with.

[mama2three]

Mouse has said exactly what I was about to say !!

[tess1981]

Agree with the above

[rickysmiths]

I can understand the mothers anger. I would be so upset if one of mine had done this.

If my child was so outnumbered and didn;t get on with the others I would really have had to examine what I was doing wrong and if I needed to change things. My children always came first no matter what.

[bunyip]

I think I'd do both of the things Mouse has said.

Explain that you have made it clear to DD that the written note was unacceptable.

Explain also that in your conversation with DD, and your own observations, that DD was clearly very upset to have gone so far. Make it clear that the boys' behaviour is unacceptable and you require parents' support to seek a solution.