Crying at settling in...

[Mindful Mama]

If you have a child who is hysterical at the first settling in visit when mum leaves how long do you leave it before asking mum to come back?

10 month old was so upset today he was retching, bright red and screaming not just crying at the top of his voice. He visually looked like he was shaking. He was meant to be here for 2 hours but I ended up phoning mum after 20 minutes as I know if it was my son I wouldn't want him left like that.. and also his screaming and shaking had set my son and other mindee off and I had 3 children all very upset... no distractions were working.

I apologised and hes coming back on Friday for a 2nd attempt

Should I have given it longer do you think? I guess I just went on what I would have wanted... but then I guess I used to have quite bad separation anxiety for my boy and other mums might think differently.

Mum didn't seem annoyed or anything and is happy to try again on Friday...

[QualityCare]

On first session for a baby under a year where they stay alone l ask mum to sit outside in the car for 10 mins then come back in for a while next session would be 1/2 hr and collect then after that 1-2 hrs but l would phone mum after an hour if the child was very distressed.

[Mindful Mama]

Thanks, feeling reassured that I did the right thing calling her now. :-)

[sarah707]

You have to consider lo's wellbeing and how the other children are reacting. Hopefully next settling in will go better - can mum give you something of hers for him to hold? Might he be better if you go for a walk first thing?

Hope things improve x

[Maza]

No point making it any harder for little one. If he remembers that it took ages for mummy to come back then he will start off distressed next time. I remember once I left my daughter in a crèche for a free 45 mins settling in session. I was just in the café next door and was assuming that all was well and enjoying my first uninterrupted coffee in about a year. When I went to collect her she was totally distressed and apparently had been since I left. I was so cross, I really wished they had called me after 20 minutes.

[toddlers896]

I feel really bad now after reading this post as I had a child start with me this week and he cries the whole time that he is with me 1.30 to 4. He cries himself to sleep. I keep mum updated by text but he stays with me. Should I be sending him home? The poor wee man gets his bag and stands at the door. Nothing I do distracts him, have tried music, cuddles, toys everything. Today we went for a walk in the buggy and he was fine but the minute we get to my front door he kicks off again so he must be associating it with being left. I feel confident that he will settle eventually but I could be wrong

[Mindful Mama]

Thank you, I feel reassured that I did the right thing now :-)

[hectors house]

I would ask the mum if child has a favourite Cbeebies programme (I know 10 months is young), but maybe if you record something like Night Garden and put TV on when little one is first upset it may be a link from home and something to distract him. I would emphasis to this parent and other parents that you don't make a habit of having the TV on but its just being used as a comforting technique.

[Maza]

I would ask the mum if child has a favourite Cbeebies programme (I know 10 months is young), but maybe if you record something like Night Garden and put TV on when little one is first upset it may be a link from home and something to distract him. I would emphasis to this parent and other parents that you don't make a habit of having the TV on but its just being used as a comforting technique.

Actually I have done exactly that in the past and it has worked. Night Garden is a good one a that age, and yes, stress to the parents that you won't make a habit of it. One dad actually commented on the fact that he liked the fact that Peppa Pig was on because it helped his son to settle, where as his other (lovely and fab) childminder had created more of a nursery feel which just didn't suit that particular mindee.

My daughter, 5, is going on a playdate after school today and she is excited but also worried about it (separation anxiety still!) and I thought this morning that I really hope they have cbeebies on to distract her! x

[hectors house]

Actually I have done exactly that in the past and it has worked. Night Garden is a good one a that age, and yes, stress to the parents that you won't make a habit of it. One dad actually commented on the fact that he liked the fact that Peppa Pig was on because it helped his son to settle, where as his other (lovely and fab) childminder had created more of a nursery feel which just didn't suit that particular mindee.

My daughter, 5, is going on a playdate after school today and she is excited but also worried about it (separation anxiety still!) and I thought this morning that I really hope they have cbeebies on to distract her! x

Night Garden is what I used to settle a 14 month boy who had been at Nursery for 3 months and had never settled, eventually the Nursery suggested that a more home like setting may suit him better, his mum said Night Garden was favourite programme and as it used to not be on until about 11 am, I just recorded it on sky box and could press play about a minute before his mum left - child eventually settled with me, he did go back to Nursery when he was about 3 but still stayed with me some days, he is 6 now and came back to visit me on Monday.