What to do when a child refuses to say sorry

[munch149]

2 year old with good language refuses to say sorry. He's normally pretty good but every now and again he will hurt one of the other children or more often he will get told off for doing things like throwing toys at people. No matter what is tried he just refuses to say sorry (I know he is able to). How can I encourage him to do this. Thanks

[Simona]

2 year old with good language refuses to say sorry. He's normally pretty good but every now and again he will hurt one of the other children or more often he will get told off for doing things like throwing toys at people. No matter what is tried he just refuses to say sorry (I know he is able to). How can I encourage him to do this. Thanks

My personal understanding is that many children can say sorry at that age but do not understand the consequences of their action as they are still learning to guide their own behaviour...they are repeating what they are asked to say
They will say sorry for throwing something...only to hit and bite next minute

There are plenty of tips on what to do and this article explains a few...if you google the subject you will find lots of advice

Howard J. Bennett, M.D.: Don't Force Kids to Say They're Sorry

[littlebears1009]

As Simona says they are able to say it but inable to understand the meaning behind it. I would for now concentrate more on the behaviour and remove him from situations for a couple of minutes and make him watch the play hopefully he will see the others playing nicely in this time and then allow him to join back in. He will eventually associate his unacceptable behaviour with being removed from play and hopefully stop repeating the behaviour.

[Vikki5531]

My personal understanding is that many children can say sorry at that age but do not understand the consequences of their action as they are still learning to guide their own behaviour...they are repeating what they are asked to say They will say sorry for throwing something...only to hit and bite next minute There are plenty of tips on what to do and this article explains a few...if you google the subject you will find lots of advice Howard J. Bennett, M.D.: Don't Force Kids to Say They're Sorry

Thanks for posting that link Simona, I got some great tips

[FloraDora]

To understand what they mean by saying sorry they need to see it in their lives, so My DH and I modal the language by saying sorry to each other, bump into the dog, I say sorry etc.. If there is a situation that calls for a sorry from the children who are learning the concept I say sorry on their behalf..until one day...they say sorry themselves.
I encourage mum and dad to modal sorry aswel .... It will come.
Good article Simona.

[Maza]

I prefer not to get into a situation where I am demanding that a child say sorry because then it becomes more about that and not about the original wrongdoing. The other day at playgroup a little boy was hitting and snatching a lot and each time his mum charged over and barked "right, say you're sorry, now!" He would say sorry in he most insincere way and mum would be satisfied and go and sit back down playing with her phone. Thirty seconds later he would hit again and the whole cycle was repeated. Not once did she try and address why he was hitting and snatching or sit and model how to play harmoniously.

[Simona]

I prefer not to get into a situation where I am demanding that a child say sorry because then it becomes more about that and not about the original wrongdoing. The other day at playgroup a little boy was hitting and snatching a lot and each time his mum charged over and barked "right, say you're sorry, now!" He would say sorry in he most insincere way and mum would be satisfied and go and sit back down playing with her phone. Thirty seconds later he would hit again and the whole cycle was repeated. Not once did she try and address why he was hitting and snatching or sit and model how to play harmoniously.

Oh Maza...that made me laugh...the charging over and barking 'say sorry' to a child....How many times have we seen that?
each time the child repeats the command...then carries on with his/her expressions of frustration...and not once has the child who has been hit/bitten/pushed got any attention whatsoever ?

We live and learn I suppose

[Maza]

Oh Maza...that made me laugh...the charging over and barking 'say sorry' to a child....How many times have we seen that?
each time the child repeats the command...then carries on with his/her expressions of frustration...and not once has the child who has been hit/bitten/pushed got any attention whatsoever ?

We live and learn I suppose

Exactly! At least the mum was 'intervening' as some are totally oblivious to what their child is doing. Her interventions were just a little misguided! I just wish the playgroup leader who saw it all would have given mum some advice or pointed her in the direction of that article.