Mindee doesn't want to go home!

**Jiorjiina** · 13-07-2014, 05:56 PM

One of my 2 and 1/2 year old mindees never wants to go home at the end of the day. He has no trouble settling in when he arrives, the trouble only starts when his mum arrives to take him home again. He goes into a full on melt down, screaming, crying, thrashing, running away, hiding, anything and everything to avoid leaving. He even tells me to tell him mum that he's staying here from now on!

Understandably, this is a little upsetting for his mum. Any tips on how to get him to go home happily at the end of the day?

**alex__17** · 13-07-2014, 06:32 PM

Listening with interest, I have siblings like this, I feel sorry for their dad when he has to drag them screaming to the car!
However I also think it shows parents they have a lovely time with me if their children don't want to leave which would be a comfort if I was in this position

**Mummits** · 13-07-2014, 06:34 PM

I am afraid it's a phase lots of children go through. It is all about pushing his mum's buttons, making her feel bad for leaving him and getting lots of adult attention from both of you. If you and she make light of it, it should pass quickly.

**lynncjt** · 13-07-2014, 07:42 PM

I had this with a 2 year old and found it helped if I knew exactly when she was going to be picked up so we could talk about it beforehand, and then have her absolutely ready (and out of the play room) for parent when they arrived.

Still have a problem with an 18 month old but it's more difficult as she is the first to leave and is old enough to know the others are still having fun.

**shrinking3** · 14-07-2014, 09:33 AM

I've had this before with one of mine. Full blown tantrums and dragged screaming and kicking to car. We seem to have sussed it now, Dad always arrives bang on time so I can do count down for little one, in 5 minutes, in 2 minutes etc. When we put shoes on and get coats we always choose a favourite toy for 'next time'. we put this on the windowledge at the front and he goes out the front door to wave goodbye to it. No tantrum phew. however I have to remember which toy it was to put ready next time he comes as he only comes once a week!!!

**watford wizz** · 14-07-2014, 10:56 AM

I have this with children of all ages including a 12 year old but I have found it does tend to peek between 3/5 years. Just found giving clear warnings and times, being consistent, firm but kind and getting it over with as quickly as possible. No chatter with parents/carers on doorstep I either write it on their day sheet or text/ring them later. I have found when their little it's to do with attachment and as older ones it's boundary changes and pay back. P/s parents/carers have always said they are pleased that their children are so happy to stay with me and have not seen it as a problem even if I feel bad that they worked hard all day to provide for their child and then pick up a screaming child who proceeds to tell them how horrid they think they are!

**clareelizabeth1** · 14-07-2014, 12:00 PM

I've always found parents are happy to see their children have enjoyed their day.

I have had one who when mum asked what she wanted for her birthday her child asked for a day at mine. Which I think is the only time a mum has been disheartened. To give mum her dues she gave the child what she wanted.

**sing-low** · 14-07-2014, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by shrinking3

I've had this before with one of mine. Full blown tantrums and dragged screaming and kicking to car. We seem to have sussed it now, Dad always arrives bang on time so I can do count down for little one, in 5 minutes, in 2 minutes etc. When we put shoes on and get coats we always choose a favourite toy for 'next time'. we put this on the windowledge at the front and he goes out the front door to wave goodbye to it. No tantrum phew. however I have to remember which toy it was to put ready next time he comes as he only comes once a week!!!

That is a great idea, shrinking3!!!! I will definitely be borrowing that one for the future.

**watford wizz** · 14-07-2014, 03:24 PM

One of mine asked for a basket of my food cause it's nice and not like mummy makes x in front of mum , had to use all my diplomacy skills for that one so did a mum night off family share basket!

**Mouse** · 14-07-2014, 03:29 PM

Originally Posted by watford wizz

One of mine asked for a basket of my food cause it's nice and not like mummy makes x in front of mum , had to use all my diplomacy skills for that one so did a mum night off family share basket!

One of my mindees keeps telling his mum she doesn't make his pasta right because it's not the same as mine! I had to take a photo of his plate so she coukd see how I set it out

**gwm** · 14-07-2014, 03:33 PM

I have had mums ask me for the recipes for my dinners because their children preferred my offerings......In the name of diplomacy I ask the children to bring me a recipe they really like from home so I can cook them here. So, everybody is happy.

**Mouse** · 14-07-2014, 03:35 PM

As for children not wanting to go home, I used to try the "oh well, mummy will go home then & leave you here" trick, in the sure knowledge that they would soon go running off with mum...until one child decided they were quite happy with that & screamed even more for mummy to go home

Now when I have one who's reluctant to leave I make sure the toys are packed away before parents arrive, so that children aren't busy playing. I also make sure we're in from the garden, or the children are impossible to evict!

I do tell parents that it's a very natural stage for children to go through and that they shouldn't take it personally!

**Mummits** · 14-07-2014, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by gwm

I have had mums ask me for the recipes for my dinners because their children preferred my offerings......In the name of diplomacy I ask the children to bring me a recipe they really like from home so I can cook them here. So, everybody is happy.

One of my little darlings calls "proper" cooked food "Mummits" Food. She said Mummits Food is food you buy and peel and chop and mix together and cook and Home food you just put a box in the oven until it pings. The funny thing is that the parents groaned but have taken it quite well. Now when they collect they tell her whether tea is Mummits Food or Ping food!

**Jiorjiina** · 14-07-2014, 10:20 PM

Originally Posted by Mouse

As for children not wanting to go home, I used to try the "oh well, mummy will go home then & leave you here" trick, in the sure knowledge that they would soon go running off with mum...until one child decided they were quite happy with that & screamed even more for mummy to go home

Yep, we tried this with him too and he was thrilled!

I know his mum is glad that he's had a lovely time and hasn't been upset, but at the same time after working all day and then coming back to a tantrum can't be nice either!