i don't think one of my mindees likes me!?

[2lovelygirls]

Hi guys - just needing a bit of reassurance.

I started minding in april and have a few different children. I do lots of activities with the children and have meetups with other cms and we plan lots of different activities together. I have 1 mindee who is 2 and he is absolutely fine with me when his mum has left and seems to have a nice time but eveytime when she drops him off he cries (stops when she leaves) and when she picks him up he seems to 'dislike' me and says he's not had a good time. Also when I see them at the school on the days I don't look after him (he has an older sibling so mum does the school runs on her days off) he moves away from me, wont speak to me etc. I just feel so bad. I would hate his mum to think he has a bad time but he just doesn't seem to like me whereas when my husband gets home from work his face lights up. Do any other cms have this problem? it's really getting me down and making me doubt myself. Other children seem fine and happy but then again I don't see them out and about like I do with this mindee.

[line6]

Maybe it's more about 'punishing' mum when she collects/drops off by showing how 'unhappy' he is than anything to do with you? I'm sure the child likes you really otherwise they would be unhappy all day?

[Goatgirl]

It sounds like the resentment he feels toward Mum for leaving is just being directed toward you, that's all.

Not a nice feeling, but I have had a few now over the years and funnily enough they're often the ones who still run across the playground to hug me years after they've left my care !

Try not to take it personally or let little one see it upsets you to avoid turning itpart of his power game with Mum. I'd be cheerful and smiley as usual and not go out of my way to 'get' them to act any particular way toward me. Let any rejecting behaviour roll off you like'water of a ducks back' : Play a little hard to get in other words .

If you are worried about Mum thinking child is always like that, get in the habit of taking lots of pics of child enjoying himself: he wouldn't if he really didn't like you. In time he'll accept the situation and allow himself to relax and bond more with you I'm sure.

Good luck

[shortstuff]

I agree. Its all about making mummy feel bad for leaving him. I have one who does it and has done for over a year now. I used to send mum a photo 5 mins after drop off with lo playing and smiling. I dont send it anymore as shes is aware of what lo is up to.

[Koala]

Cheer up, it's not you! it's a power struggle. totally agree with what has been said not sure what else to add except - as little and innocent as they are, lo's can be very devious and manipulative to try and gain control/the upper hand. Be careful he doesn't grind you down, he's a passive aggressive in the making

[alex__17]

My own son cried everytme I left him at the childminder for about 3 months (he stopped the instant I was out of sight after about a week as I hid and listened!), and cried evreytime I collected for the full 7 months I was working and leaving him there, inconsolable, like he'd hated every second! However she sent me photos of him enjoying himself and I knew it was just for me!
Now I'm a childminder that experience makes me much less sensitive, all my children are fine now but one little boy cried at drop off and collection, and started up again after they'd been on holiday and were out of the routine but as soon as we get going with out daily routine he's fine again. I also have another one who's fine, happy at drop off, doesn't want to go home and screams when her dad takes her, yet if we see her eg at a soft play she immediately clings to her parents and all the smiles stop, like I'm going to wrench her away! The way I see it is a child is always going to want to be with their parents as first choice, just send parents lots of pics of them having fun and the parent may well relax knowing their fine, maybe the child senses the parents nervous at drop off because of the tears?

[2lovelygirls]

Thank you all its just so difficult but I get cuddles and positive responses from him when mum's not there. I don't take it personally at all because it's totally natural for him to want his mum. I know his mum knows he's fine and I do show her pics but I guess his reaction to me makes me feel like others i.e his mum will not think im very good at my job. I know im probs being super sensitive but I think it's because im new! x

[bunyip]

No worries. I'm not sure any of my mindees like me.