dd is a bully!

[buzzy bee]

My 20 month old dd has started pushing children and snatching toys. She seems to seek out opportunities to be mean - there is one mindee in particular and when she sees him coming she gets a kind of smile and then goes and shoves him.

To begin with I tried getting her to then give cuddle and explain we need to be kind.

I've tried distracting her when I see her going up to someone.

I've started trying time out.

Nothing seems to be working. Please can anyone give me some advice on what to do?

[amyp]

No advice but empathy! My 20 month old is the same. One day I put her in her room 4 times. Now I just say you'll go to your room and she stops. That's not what I have been trained to do and I don't do it with the mindee she learnt it from but it has worked!

[blue bear]

What is her speech like, could it be she want to say hello x how are you today and can't so gives him a shove instead?
Have you thought of teaching her a few signs to enable her communication.
It's common at this age and settles when they work out how to actually play with others, it's a very difficult skill to learn, lots of positive role modelling, take her hand get her to nicely stroke saying hello, remind her gentle gentle.
Play with them showing them how to share and take turns.
It won't last forever, but very hardworking while it lasts

[buzzy bee]

Thanks.

Her speech is good. She can say hi and all their names. She can be lovely and go up to mindees for cuddles and gives comforters to them when they're sad.

It is mainly this one boy who she just seems to enjoy pushing over. Thing is sometimes all she has to do is tough him and he cries so I think because she gets a reaction from him she sees it as a game. She genuinely seems to enjoy doing it!

[Simona]

My 20 month old dd has started pushing children and snatching toys. She seems to seek out opportunities to be mean - there is one mindee in particular and when she sees him coming she gets a kind of smile and then goes and shoves him.

To begin with I tried getting her to then give cuddle and explain we need to be kind.

I've tried distracting her when I see her going up to someone.

I've started trying time out.

Nothing seems to be working. Please can anyone give me some advice on what to do?

I would not think of the child as a 'bully' ...just doing what children do at that age...learning to develop social skills while communication is developing
Look at child development charts and see if you can see the pattern...but don't label as 'bully'...too harsh I feel... my view of course

[buzzy bee]

I would not think of the child as a 'bully' ...just doing what children do at that age...learning to develop social skills while communication is developing
Look at child development charts and see if you can see the pattern...but don't label as 'bully'...too harsh I feel... my view of course

I wouldn't say I'm labelling her... I suppose when you read it you can't hear my tone of voice. She is my baby so obviously I love her and in general she us loving and kind.

Bur when it comes to this one child she does seek out opportunities to make him cry either by pushing him or taking something off him.

I can't see anything in the development charts to explain it.

[shortstuff]

Have you tried giving the other lo lashings of attention and ignore her when it happens? As you say she likes getting a reaction so I would try tipping the situation on its head.

[buzzy bee]

Have you tried giving the other lo lashings of attention and ignore her when it happens? As you say she likes getting a reaction so I would try tipping the situation on its head.

Thanks. Yeah I've tried that too. Sometimes she'll come over and cuddle him if I do that, but it doesn't seem to be helping in the long run.

Although I'm not sure how long it takes!! It's been going on a couple of months.

[Simona]

I wouldn't say I'm labelling her... I suppose when you read it you can't hear my tone of voice. She is my baby so obviously I love her and in general she us loving and kind.

Bur when it comes to this one child she does seek out opportunities to make him cry either by pushing him or taking something off him.

I can't see anything in the development charts to explain it.

I just felt it was a bit harsh and I can imagine that something is triggering that behaviour especially, as you say, it is about 'this one child' and you describe her as loving and kind
many children can react that way and it is part of their personal and social development that is why I suggested looking at a CD chart...I will look for something online and post it

[blue bear]

She goes for him because she lets him, until he stands uptodate her she will go for him. She will outgrow the stage eventually.

[buzzy bee]

She goes for him because she lets him, until he stands uptodate her she will go for him. She will outgrow the stage eventually.

I hope that's all it is and that she does grow out of it

[Simona]

Some information here...this kind of behaviour can be a pattern and will phase out as children grow

ZERO TO THREE: Aggressive Behavior in Toddlers