Advice please for settling in

**Spangles** · 07-01-2008, 01:49 PM

Hi

I've got this little boy who is having trouble settling at the moment.

He's just turned 2 and he's Chinese and doesn't speak English.

He came on Saturday and his mum left him for 30 mins and he screamed the whole time, bless his heart. Today she came with him this morning and we all popped out together and when we got back he wouldn't let her leave, got really upset. She's gone to give him lunch and then coming back for an hour or so with him.

He's supposed to be here Friday 10 to 3 but I'm not sure at all that he will be okay. I think he will still be in a real state.

I was thinking about asking her to drop him over for half an hour Wed afternoon but what other tips have you got to make him feel better?

I would be really grateful of any ideas as he gets so upset, it's heartbreaking to see.

**angeldelight** · 07-01-2008, 01:56 PM

Sorry Lorri that things still seem no better

All children are diffferent so it is hard to know what to say for the best - what could work for one child might not work for another

I guess you are trying to distract him etc ?

I would not worry too much about him not being able to understand you - I have had children in the past like this - do not let it become a problem - just show him things rather than tell him if you know what I mean

Take him to where the toilet is show him
Where he can get a drink
Where the toys are
You know what I mean I am sure

I think you are doing everything right though so I know it is hard and upsetting do not worry so much

It really is early days yet - I have had children that have still been unsettled after a month so do not panic just yet

Yes if you think it would help having mom around in the middle of the week go for it

You are doing everything right though Lorri

Hugs to you

Angel xx

**wellybelly** · 07-01-2008, 02:02 PM

Have you thought about having something ready for when he walks into your home, something interesting that he would see and possible touch Something like a giant card board box which he could paint or put things in. Maybe some materials and a stick so you and him could make a boat with a sail. It would need to be apealing and obhvious so it jumps out as soon as he walks in.

You can get Giant boxes from Blockbusters video, they have them for their pop corn deliveries. I used to work at one when i was younger and playgroups were always asking for them.

Once hes interested maybe then mum can nip out without being seen. I also have a back up plan up my sleeve for when situations arrise, then it stops anything getting out of control.

Good Luck

**Twinkles** · 07-01-2008, 02:03 PM

Poor little soul it must be really scary for him that he can't even understand what you're saying to him. Have you tried taking him for a walk in his buggy?
I find that this is where my animals come in useful, there is nothing like a soppy dog to help settling them in! I'm sure that you've asked for his favourite toy etc but what about mummy's jumper or something else that smells of home.
Good luck.

**angeldelight** · 07-01-2008, 02:03 PM

That is very interesting to know Katie about blockbusters we have a local one and would never have thought to have asked there for boxes etc

Thanks for sharing that

Sounds like a good idea Lorri

Angel xx

**sarah707** · 07-01-2008, 02:17 PM

I'd ask mum to pop him in the buggy and then walk round a bit... don't let him see her go, so there isn't that immediate panic of her disappearing. I've done this a few times and it has worked.

Good luck! Hugs coming your way x

**Spangles** · 07-01-2008, 03:12 PM

He's just left, he stayed with his mum for an hour and we played a bit and had him giggling! I've arranged for her to bring him over for a while on Wednesday afternoon so that hopefully she can leave him here on Friday for the proper time.

He's soooo cute and when he smiles he just looks adorable and Benjamin really gets excited to see him!

I'm sure that it will be fine eventually but I want to make it as easy as possible for him because it's horrible to see him so upset.

Thank you everyone for your ideas.

**Polly2** · 07-01-2008, 03:17 PM

Hope it goes well on Wed Lorri

He sounds really cute xx

**angeldelight** · 07-01-2008, 03:47 PM

Good luck on Wednesday Lorri but with a caring childminder like yourself I am sure it is only a matter of time before he settles with you

Angel xx

**Banana** · 07-01-2008, 05:18 PM

Think you have been given some good advice Lorri.

Good luck for wednesday!! Keep us updated

xx

**mrsbumbles** · 07-01-2008, 05:23 PM

Have you asked the parent if they have a cd with chinese nursery ryhmes or songs on that you could borrow just while he is settling in. Something familiar in his own language might do the job, or at least help alittle.

**Rubybubbles** · 07-01-2008, 06:08 PM

Originally Posted by mrsbumbles

Have you asked the parent if they have a cd with chinese nursery ryhmes or songs on that you could borrow just while he is settling in. Something familiar in his own language might do the job, or at least help alittle.

what a great idea

**carolinel** · 07-01-2008, 06:44 PM

Originally Posted by Twinkles

Poor little soul it must be really scary for him that he can't even understand what you're saying to him. Have you tried taking him for a walk in his buggy?
I find that this is where my animals come in useful, there is nothing like a soppy dog to help settling them in! I'm sure that you've asked for his favourite toy etc but what about mummy's jumper or something else that smells of home.
Good luck.

or a spare set of keys that Mummy could say he is in charge of. To let him know that she will definately coming back for him.

**Spangles** · 07-01-2008, 07:20 PM

I asked the mum if she could teach me a few useful words in Chinese but she said no because she wants me to expose him only to English so I can't say any Chinese or have Chinese songs on but it was a good idea though.

**Trouble** · 07-01-2008, 07:54 PM

ask the mum to bring his favourite toys over and his comfort thing or ask her what he likes to do

**Spangles** · 07-01-2008, 08:32 PM

I've done this too but he likes toy guns and I don't agree with them so don't want them in my house.

He likes cars a lot as well which he plays with when he's here.

**buildingblocks** · 08-01-2008, 04:42 PM

Hi

I have a little girl for just 2.5 hours a week who is Chinese. She is 2 at the end of hte month and i have had her from September.

1st week cried full time she was here - notes say like being outside when upset, took her outside she just screamed louder. only time she wasn't crying was if she was being cuddled. She had never been left with anyone other than mum before not even dad had ever had her on her own apart from 10 days mum spent in hospital.

2nd week i was on holiday so her next time was a fortnight later. Now normally wouldn't cuddle for 2 hours but this one broke my heart not helped by fact she spoke in chinese (no english but luckily understands me - I think) only words I understood were mama (sob sob) papa (sob sob).

Eventually she would leave my knee and go to play but if I moved she was back clinging and not let me go.

Even now she arrives in tears but we have pushchair in back garden, we take her from mum at gate she cries until she goes through the back garden gate when she stop but mum can hearshe has stopped crying and we go to the shop to buy milk for snack time.

Just before Christmas we had a hiccup with her as hubbby was at home - she wouldn't leave my knee. I was not looking forward to this morning as last time I saw her was December 4th. She arrived crying but stopped once mum had gone and has been a little bit clingy but again hubby was here.

No real words of wisdom just peservere. Does your little one understand English even though he doesn't speak it. That does make things easier obviously

Good luck