Anyone experience of Alzheimer's? Not childminding related....

[VeggieSausage]

Hi all, its looking like my stepfather aged 70 has maybe got Alzheimer's.....the last couple of years we have all noticed changes in him....can't keep up with conversations, forgetting what he was going to say, repeating himself, not being able to follow instructions from say a flat pack furniture pack. Anyway my parents had been in France and came back and he had forgotten how to login to the computer, how to use internet banking or how to pay a bill....all things he does regularly and was very upset, crying etc....my mum says that things are worse than I know about and that he is very anxious about time related events, he doesn't want to do anything without her and even if she nips to the corner shop he is wondering where she is when she gets back etc - he won't go to the doctor. I have persuaded my mum that she must go and speak to the doctor without him, it was really hard for her to get out of the house without him wanting to know where she is and he is so reliant on my mum and the doc said to try and get them both to come in and see her.....of course there is no way that he will go, so she is upset that she is going to have to make up something to get him there etc.

Anyway I feel really upset that things seem to be going downhill for him and my mum and that my very capable and lovely stepdad is going to suffer this in his life, and of course my poor mum. Really sad! Anyone with any experience, is it common for people to refuse to see a doctor?

[shortstuff]

It is common if they are worried about what the doc will say. Have you given any thought to contacting a charity local to you who support alzheimers? Sometimes they can make home visits and out minds at rest x

[VeggieSausage]

No hadn't thought of that - thank you.....think my mum is going to need a fair bit of support with this, so it may be a good idea. I am working full time at the mo as my dh was made redundant a couple of months ago - wish I could afford to do just 4 days instead of 5 so I could be a bit more around for them during the week

[Koala]

As you probably know the only way forward is to get help for mum as well as your stepdad. Alzheimer's can only get worse but strategies can be put in place to help the sufferer initially. My other half's mum is in the early stages and fortunately she will go to the doctors and they have both been to address her issues and Simple but effective strategies can be put in place like:
her medication is dispensed in daily box's by the chemist and delivered weekly
she has authorized in writing that her condition can be discussed with the doctors by her children if they have any further concerns
she has acknowledged she has an issue
she has been TOLD that she has to ask for help so that we can help her.
Having strategies to remember what day it is
writing things down
using a magazine tv guide leaving the next days viewing showing when you go to bed
These are all simple things but it helps reduce the stress and antagonize the condition further, I am sure a support group can help with other suggestions

Having said this she lives alone and we are keen that she stays that way as much as we love her From what your mum has said I think there may be further issues and your step dad is maybe in a bit of a state, 'more than you think' and I would be worried as you probably are for your mum. Could you play devils advocate and do what it takes to get him to the doctors, maybe contact charities like has been said there maybe something in your area hat can support you and your family. One thing I will say - you are not alone - and yes, I do think it is common for an independent older gentleman not to want to go to the doctors and ask for help, admit that they are becoming incapable, acting irrationally and out of character and probably very frightened, it is a very frightening situation to be in. And sometimes the frustration can be taken out on the ones closest to us. This is why I think your mum needs help too.

Take care

[funemnx]

My mum had Alzheimer's and dementia and it is very unsettling and confuising for the sufferer but also for the family as well. I would say get in touch with Alzheimer's.org they will offer so much advice and support. One thing which we left too late was to get a power of attorney early so that someone can mange his affairs e.g. paying bills and so on. I know it's not something we like to think of but it's important to act quickly (of course, easier said than done). Sending bg hugs xxx

[fran90]

My Nanna had dementia and the drs and dementia experts did home visits as she wouldn't go to the drs she would put up a physical fight and get very distressed! I would request an assessment at home explain he is too anxious to attend and you feel tricking him could damage the relationship. Sometimes you have to dig your heels in with the drs and other experts!

[caz3007]

My nan suffered with it and refused the doctor. Also in time my grandad also wouldn't ask the authorities for help with her, so my mum and aunt went to see their doctor and got them some help. The suggestion to contact the charity is a good one, I am sure there will be forums and support to in turn help you support your mum and stepdad.

Big hugs xxxxx

[VeggieSausage]

Thanks everyone, my mum has had such a shock this week with what has happened.....my mum has realised that everything in their lives need to be simplified including all the financial stuff and is going to start sorting everything out next week, putting all bills etc in her name so she can just sort it all out without him worrying.....getting him to speak to anyone is the next hurdle and also she needs to speak to his 2 sons who have not noticed anything. She has acknowledged that this can't be kept to themselves anymore, and she needs support and I am glad she has confided in me as over the years we have had problems, I feel like she needs me and I love both her and my stepfather and will be there for them in any way I can......sorry everyone needed to just get everything off my chest. What my mum has confided in me means that everything is going to change in our lives....I feel like I have been too busy to pay much attention to them, that is going to change......

[shortstuff]

Im sure its not that youve been too busy to notice. In fairness you actually have to be looking for signs to see them. Please dont add that to your list of stresses.

Take care and remember to ask for help. If you do a quick google search there are quite a few charities which offer support for both the patient and family members too.

Also as I have found out personally the last couple of days there is a whole heap of support on hear with fab people to help you think of angles and options you dont always see yourself. We are all hear to support you x

[jackie 7]

Can your m get the doctor to write to him saying it is time for his checkup. If the doctor says he needs to visit. He might go. I am so lucky that my mum had most of her marbles before she died a year ago. I know that if we organised things such as grab bars and got a man to put them in she didn't complain.

[jadavi]

Is he on any medication or pain relief patches ? We found that my mums alt. like behaviour went away when we changed her meds.
Also contact the alt society. They are wonderful

[VeggieSausage]

Is he on any medication or pain relief patches ? We found that my mums alt. like behaviour went away when we changed her meds.
Also contact the alt society. They are wonderful

No he is not on any meds......we have noticed things over the past couple of years but going away to France this time seems to have a big effect on him and my mum has been hiding how he is actually behaving and covering for him. His mother died of altzheimers but he is younger than her. This week when he was unable to use the computer he obviously knows something is wrong with him as he was so upset and saying to my mum 'whats wrong with me' etc etc - also he was such a capable person, he still is very fit and physically healthy but his mind is the problem......yes I have had a look following everyone's advice at local services and there are a lot of services for sufferers of dementia and their families and carers. One good thing is I have spoken to my mum this morning and she is so glad she has spoken to the doctor and is relieved that I now know the true extent of what is going on.....I have had a sleepless night, feel total anxiety and upset as I love him as if he were my dad and it is very sad to think of him declining like this

[Koala]

There is no mistaking the fact that it is not going to be easy and I am sorry to say it is going to get very! hard - but it sounds like your mum and dad have your support and I don't want to lecture you but you must also consider support too - for yourself - Start early and do not be afraid to ask for help for yourself because there will be times when you feel like you have hit the very bottom and having profession support can mean the difference in coping and not coping. Alzheimer's effects everyone around the sufferer very badly in some cases. Take care of yourself to enable you to help others

Have a stern word with your mum - hiding things will not help - she needs help too

[VeggieSausage]

There is no mistaking the fact that it is not going to be easy and I am sorry to say it is going to get very! hard - but it sounds like your mum and dad have your support and I don't want to lecture you but you must also consider support too - for yourself - Start early and do not be afraid to ask for help for yourself because there will be times when you feel like you have hit the very bottom and having profession support can mean the difference in coping and not coping. Alzheimer's effects everyone around the sufferer very badly in some cases. Take care of yourself to enable you to help others

Have a stern word with your mum - hiding things will not help - she needs help too

Thanks Koala, I really appreciate what you have said, will follow your advice x

[Koala]

Thanks Koala, I really appreciate what you have said, will follow your advice x

Your welcome - look after yourself