Feel like its all a waste of time

[toddlers896]

Is it just me that the kids take the p out of or does it happen in all settings.

I set up activities for the kids and they are not interested - everything guts chucked across the room.
They are not interested in playing with toys despite me spending a fortune and changing my dining room into a toy room, they just pull them all out and trash the place
I turn my back for two minutes and they jump on the sofa or lift the mats in the hall and drag them everywhere.
they throw their dinner on the floor and I am constantly cleaning up.
they ask me 101 times what am I doing
they leave marks all over my carpets from their saliva
they throw all the toys into the neighbours garden

this is just half of what is really getting to me at the moment. I put so much effort and money into trying to get it right and am starting to hate it more and more as I just cant seem to get it right. I feel that all I am doing is cleaning up after them, telling them off, and constantly wondering when this job is going to get better. The only thing that keeps me going at the moment is my CM friends, without them I think I would have given up ages ago.


sorry to moan but it does help listening to how others deal with these scenarios.

[blue bear]

What ages are the children? What do they like doing? Is what you are offering what they like doing?

I'm a big believer in tuning into what makes children tick and let that lead my planning.
At the moment I have two four year olds that are doll mad so I incorporate that into activities, writing shipping lists, making birthday cards for the baby (dolls) health records etc otherwise they would do no writing at all.

another child 2 year old boy, lives to be outdoors, keep him onside and he is like a caged animal, I've bought raincaots and wellingtona so he can go outdoors daily, we go off walking in the woods and running round fields looking for insects in the hedges, it's what floats his boat, we cover all the areas of learning and next steps but on his terms.

You need to be the pack leader, be in charge always, make your days fun, if it's hard work then you need to change what you have planned and do something that you all find fun.

Planned activities are great if they engage the children if not then you need to go with what the children would rather do.

[FloraDora]

Spot on Blue bear.
Start with the children's interests : you can spend loads on resources, time on planning activities that look good on blogs and pininterest, but if they do not interest then you have wasted time and money.
Set boundaries, no jumping on sofas, throwing toys over fences etc.. Being respectful to resources and people, start by role modelling and children will follow I find consistently acknowledging positives eventually rubs off.

[toddlers896]

I have taken both your tips on board and did a bit of research and came up with this very useful document.

http://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/childcare/pu...ragies_web.pdf

I will put it into practice but ime still unsure how I will follow a 19month old child's interest when all he wants to do is be destructive and the others follow him. He takes toys off the other kids, especially from his twin sister and makes her cry all the time, he lies on top of her to annoy her, any activities I set up for the others just get thrown across the room and then the 3 year old thinks it's funny and copies him. X

[Simona]

I have taken both your tips on board and did a bit of research and came up with this very useful document.

http://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/childcare/pu...ragies_web.pdf

I will put it into practice but ime still unsure how I will follow a 19month old child's interest when all he wants to do is be destructive and the others follow him. He takes toys off the other kids, especially from his twin sister and makes her cry all the time, he lies on top of her to annoy her, any activities I set up for the others just get thrown across the room and then the 3 year old thinks it's funny and copies him. X

I agree as well with following the children's interests...the disruption they are causing could be due to lack of boundaries and some sort of structure
Take a look at child development as well...19 month old children will do that if not guided in their behaviour...all they are doing is challenging and at that age their concentration is growing but they need to be engaged and interested

They will also repeat the same question over and over again...you could try to ask them in return what they think or see you doing?... a bit oif Sustained Shared Thinking should start them thinking critically

Good luck

[watford wizz]

If he wants to be destructive you can help him do this in a structured way give him a safe place with safe things ie large cardboard boxes, soft balls and bean bags, cushions, newspaper to tear, an old sheet to rip, stacking yog pots/plastic containers that he can knock down, dough he can punch, what about some boxing gloves and a punch ball. He will need firm boundaries but this will help feel secure and to know when being destructive is exceptable.

[Chatterbox Childcare]

I would do an abc chart too, look at what it is he does, what prompts it, can you stop it before it happens and what happens at home.

Sounds like he isn't engaging with what you have planned but that doesn't matter, try wellies and an all in one and let him explore the outside.

[blue bear]

I have taken both your tips on board and did a bit of research and came up with this very useful document.

http://www.gov.mb.ca/fs/childcare/pu...ragies_web.pdf

I will put it into practice but ime still unsure how I will follow a 19month old child's interest when all he wants to do is be destructive and the others follow him. He takes toys off the other kids, especially from his twin sister and makes her cry all the time, he lies on top of her to annoy her, any activities I set up for the others just get thrown across the room and then the 3 year old thinks it's funny and copies him. X

Right so your little man has taken control, he takes the toys which states he is in control,he throws the activities around the room again taking control, lying on his sister taking control of her. Three year olds will follow the pickles they are more fun.
Try and take attention from his mischief,lots of positive praise for any tiny thing so oh William you are smiling so nicely,look at Emma holding the spoon you are a star on and on all day long, little mischief make will soon want to buy into some of that positive attention.
He wants to throw give him things to throw, balls bean bags, stick for the dog whatever as long as its safe under your guidance and control. When you have to leave the children to go to the toilet , answer the door etc, little mischief man needs to go with you don't leave him in charge, you are in charge you set the boundaries firm but fair.

When ever you take him somewhere, get something out before you do it you explain what you are going to do, what the rules are and what the consequences are for mischief. So I'm going to get out the paints, you can paint with the brush or your hands, you must paint on the paper not the walls or each other, if you paint not on the paper I will wash you up and sit you out.
He promptly throws the brush across the room splat into your face, no monster I said you could only paint on the paper, collect him up wash him off,now you can sit there no more painting for you, he will try pushing past you, throwing something else screaming, what ever, remain calm I said no in a low firm tone all th while praising the others constantly let him see how much fun you are all having, once he's calmed invite him back in re telling him the rules. It's hard work but so worth it, once you take back control and the children accept it you will all have so much more fun.

[toddlers896]

When I read your fab posts I say to myself but I do that and that but ime obviously not doing it right. I agree I definitely need to engage more instead of free play. I think this is where I am going wrong. I need to take more control and instead of telling them off do the praise thing, although I always praise the kids again ime obviously not doing it at the right times.

Maybe I need to get in touch with super nanny lol.

My hubby is so annoyed with me. He said why are you taking it so serious. You eat, breathe sleep childminding and won't let it drop. But I can't, if I am to carry on with this job I need to get it right otherwise I will just hate every day. I've got no kids of my own, am 42 and maybe this is why I am struggling.

Thanks guys for your honest views x

[chriss]

As for the older children, can you set up an activity for the 3 yr old out of reach of the little one, maybe on a dining table. If the younger ones want to join in, put them in a high chair at the table. Have done this, and the younger ones can paint or explore whatever is on offer, and the 3 yr old, who is hopefully out of reach of the younger one, can enjoy their activity without it being spoiled.

Sounds like a development phase too, lots of throwing etc, so just guiding them to play, even for a couple of mins, helping them to play, its a aslow process. But as they mature and settle you will see a diferent child

[Bluebell]

providing lots of toys and trying distraction is all very well but perhaps don't put the toys out to be thrown about. just let them ask / choose / self select what they want. If he is not going to play with it properly then explain he won't be allowed to play with it as it will go back in the box.
Also ignoring the behaviour and praising the others is a really effective way of drawing attention away from his destructive behaviour BUT only if he knows what he is doing is wrong.
A very firm 'NO you are not to do that', or 'NO we don't throw toys' might work wonders.

It really depends on the individual child and finding what works. If you have tried one tactic then try a different one and then be consistent.

I had one child who was awful he would scream and shout and throw himself on the floor if he didn't get what he wanted and this obviously worked at home as the parents would rush to appease him.
He would throw himself on the floor and I would say loudly ' no I am ignoring you - I do not like this behaviour' and I would walk away or turn my back and carry on playing happily and praising the other children.

When throwing food on the floor, give him only a little food at a time. say if you throw that on the floor you will not have any more. If he throws it on the floor get him down immediately. if he is hungry then he will be told he must not throw food and get one more chance. if he does it again down he gets and don't let him play get him to sit on the sofa and wait for the others to finish (or even sit in his place watching the others with no food to throw)

I think sometimes children really need some very firm boundaries and instructions so they understand you are not messing about. I bet once you've reset the rules he will respond much better.

I know it sounds harsh but believe me I am a mum and I found it hard when I started childminding too - I used to be a bit of a wet blanket -something to do with telling other peoples children off I think! Children sometimes respond well to firm clear boundaries.

Whichever approach works for you is the one to go for! Good luck and best wishes

[jackie 7]

Is this my place you are in? Happens lots here. I get out and make them walk lots!! I am teaching lots of tidy up time.

[toddlers896]

Is this my place you are in? Happens lots here. I get out and make them walk lots!! I am teaching lots of tidy up time.

Ime out most mornings jackie but I think I might get out most afternoons too. Tidy up time is a nightmare here but as of tomorrow ime only letting them bring one box of toys out at a time. X

[VeggieSausage]

If you have a child who is making other children cry then you need to keep them with you at all times.....so you are either in the room to stop it or if for example you go to the kitchen he goes as well......you can't have others crying and being hurt by one child. At times when it is all getting on top of me I tend to go out, every day go outside and do something to run everyone's energy off, they are often calmer when you get back home and if not then go out for longer!.....meet up with other minders to keep your sanity. Also maybe try a different tack of having just one thing out to do when children arrive, no overload of resources and toys.....if they misbehave with that then its activities at the table.....but it sounds as though they all know each other well and are a bit bored - no criticism of you just children used to coming, used to the toys and used to each other so no novelty.

[toddlers896]

If you have a child who is making other children cry then you need to keep them with you at all times.....so you are either in the room to stop it or if for example you go to the kitchen he goes as well......you can't have others crying and being hurt by one child. At times when it is all getting on top of me I tend to go out, every day go outside and do something to run everyone's energy off, they are often calmer when you get back home and if not then go out for longer!.....meet up with other minders to keep your sanity. Also maybe try a different tack of having just one thing out to do when children arrive, no overload of resources and toys.....if they misbehave with that then its activities at the table.....but it sounds as though they all know each other well and are a bit bored - no criticism of you just children used to coming, used to the toys and used to each other so no novelty.

I completely agree with you veggiesausage. The older one is bored with the toys now and the younger ones are getting too much choice so today I have let them choose one box of toys and I have closed off the toy room. We will sit down and play with this toy together and then when they get bored we will learn to tidy together before getting something else out, we go out every morning meeting up with other childminders which is great, it's just getting into a proper routine at home with boundaries. We will get there hopefully x

[blue bear]

How did it go today? Was thinking of you

[toddlers896]

How did it go today? Was thinking of you

ah thanks blue bear. I had a really good day today and am feeling much more positive.
I only allowed access to the toy room when we were putting toys away or getting a different one and it worked much better. It encouraged them to tidy up which was a bonus including the little ones. I gave them lots of praise which also helped and i noticed when i was praising the younger ones the older one did something just so she could be praised too. Its weird because i always praise the kids but i must have been doing it at the wrong times.
I did what you guys said about the food and when they started slamming plates on the table or chucking food on the floor i told them that its not good behaviour and took the plates from them instead of just shouting no. I gave them back after they calmed down and they stopped. When the twins started to fight over everything i put them both in the highchair for some quiet time with cbeebies on and this also worked wonders. I set the room up with the kitchen and food resources while they were having quiet time because they brought shopping bags with them today and i thought this would be a good activity and sure enough they played really happily together filling and emptying their bags.
So after reading all your wonderful advice i have come to the conclusion that its best not to have lots of toys out, one thing at a time, to praise more and at the right times, interact with them more so they don't get bored and just chill instead of getting stressed. Everything was starting to stress me out but by following all your advice today i cant believe how much i actually did enjoy it and the kids seemed to be calmer too.
lets see what tomorrow brings but i feel positive. It has to get better for me otherwise i know i will have to give up.
Ime just so grateful for everybodys honest views when i post on here as it makes me reflect on where i am going wrong and to put it right xx

[benandjerrys]

I find that if there are too many toys out they can't focus on any one thing, I'm going to buy new storage soon do as it's not as easily accessible although that's what ofsted want. Last week nearly broke my neck over the toys trying to get to a little one who was clobbering someone. Less is more! X

[toddlers896]

I find that if there are too many toys out they can't focus on any one thing, I'm going to buy new storage soon do as it's not as easily accessible although that's what ofsted want. Last week nearly broke my neck over the toys trying to get to a little one who was clobbering someone. Less is more! X

I had all my resources in the garage but changed it so all toys were accessible because this is what ofsted want. I regret it now x

[Bumble Beez]

So pleased you had a better day yesterday keep up the positive praise and chilled response and you'll not look back!
Children thrive when there are rules and boundaries...doesn't have to be loads....but you will see such a difference in them all very quickly I'm sure.
Fantastic observation opportunities for their LJ's.
And when you say that following posting on here you have reflected on your practice...put it in your SEF...

Sarah x