Husbands and childminding

[toddlers896]

Does anybody else have a problem where the hubby just moans all the time. My hubby doesn't support me in anyway what so ever. He is very negative about everything. There's a mark on the carpet, they are slobbering all over the place, doesn't have anything positive to say when I tell him anything, keeps telling me the jobs not for me, moans if I do paperwork telling me it's unnecessary when it's not, moans if ime on the forum or internet, it's endless and to be honest it's drifting us apart and driving me up the wall. I feel so miserable at the moment as Ime torn anyway as to wether I want to keep doing this after just two years but he doesn't help. There's nothing worse than having a bad day with kids and then him giving you an ear bashing all the time or being negative, sometimes I just think I've had enough. I sound really negative lately but I can't help it. There's nothing positive about childminding anymore, even at groups etc everybody is saying how things have changed. It's so sad

[karen2010]

I'm single with just me and my 9 year old daughter at home but I imagine it would be unbearable to have your OH constantly moaning at u x poor u makes a hard job so much harder xxxx

[amylouise867]

Does anybody else have a problem where the hubby just moans all the time. My hubby doesn't support me in anyway what so ever. He is very negative about everything. There's a mark on the carpet, they are slobbering all over the place, doesn't have anything positive to say when I tell him anything, keeps telling me the jobs not for me, moans if I do paperwork telling me it's unnecessary when it's not, moans if ime on the forum or internet, it's endless and to be honest it's drifting us apart and driving me up the wall. I feel so miserable at the moment as Ime torn anyway as to wether I want to keep doing this after just two years but he doesn't help. There's nothing worse than having a bad day with kids and then him giving you an ear bashing all the time or being negative, sometimes I just think I've had enough. I sound really negative lately but I can't help it. There's nothing positive about childminding anymore, even at groups etc everybody is saying how things have changed. It's so sad

First of all I just want to send you a big virtual hug x

Any job will be difficult when you don't have support but when it's 1- in your own home and 2- with children it adds even more pressure and stress.

I really think you should maybe consider a night out with your other half. Go for a meal or something an talk to him away from everything about how you're feeling and how his remarks and constant nagging are really getting you down.
Be open and tell him that you feel it's making you both drift apart.

Sometimes a talk will be enough to open his eyes -maybe he doesn't realise how he is getting to you.

I think a good honest talk where you keep thing calm and just put your heart out there is a good starting point and then see how things go from there.

Hugs xxx

[amylouise867]

I'm single with just me and my 9 year old daughter at home but I imagine it would be unbearable to have your OH constantly moaning at u x poor u makes a hard job so much harder xxxx

Hard job so much harder - in a nutshell x

[Snowwhite]

My husband doesn't react quite like yours but he has made it clear that he feels his privacy has been taken away in our home Mon to Friday,due to minded kids (who only use our downstairs area.) complains that if he has a day off work he feels he cant stay home.He is self employed and will leave for work at different times and come home at different times.
Moans about how much of our house is taken up by minded stuff (which actually isn't that much compared to others i know)
I often feel i have to try and keep certain kids quiet at certain times of the day.
Told my husband that i won't stop doing the job until i am unhappy doing it,so its a case of like it or lump it. We would be paying out for childcare if i didn't do this job. (well our son is now fulltime school,but still, there's still the school hols and inset days,any sick days with our son.I am available at all times in this job.
He does support me but just doesn't particulary enjoy me doing this job!
I have a friend who's layed back hubby is so chilled out when it comes to her childminding.Hmm wish mine was!
toddlers896 i hope things improve on the husband side of things.You need to sit down and talk to him.x

[tess1981]

Would your household be able to cope without this wage you bring in... maybe something to remind him of. I dont live with my boyfriend but he is so supportive compared to my ex who I did live with while minding. It is so nice knowing if I need something doing he will sort it for me and even comes up with ideas for me to keep them entertained. Today he called for coffee and sat the kids at the table and played with them while I cleaned up after lunch. My ex would have expected lunch for himself I remember one day he told me it was not work I only looked after children. Grrrrrr

[toddlers896]

Would your household be able to cope without this wage you bring in... maybe something to remind him of. I dont live with my boyfriend but he is so supportive compared to my ex who I did live with while minding. It is so nice knowing if I need something doing he will sort it for me and even comes up with ideas for me to keep them entertained. Today he called for coffee and sat the kids at the table and played with them while I cleaned up after lunch. My ex would have expected lunch for himself I remember one day he told me it was not work I only looked after children. Grrrrrr

We don't have kids Tess and my hubby earns a good living so yes we could manage without so I can't say that to him lol. He often reminds me I earn such a crap wage and would be better getting a proper job !! My hubby has left dishes in the sink and when I asked why they weren't washed up he said ime not touching that baby stuff. He is very good to the little girl I looks after but not very good at showing his feelings.on Friday we had an accident and I was all worried about the wee boys finger, his attitude was is that blood all over the carpet aaaahhhh.

[merry]

So he is constantly negative about your job and the way you do it, moans all the time and often reminds you that you earn a 'crap wage' Does he actually have any good points? And do they outweigh the bad? Can you imagine living like this for the rest of your life? I don't think I could.

[tess1981]

We don't have kids Tess and my hubby earns a good living so yes we could manage without so I can't say that to him lol. He often reminds me I earn such a crap wage and would be better getting a proper job !! My hubby has left dishes in the sink and when I asked why they weren't washed up he said ime not touching that baby stuff. He is very good to the little girl I looks after but not very good at showing his feelings.on Friday we had an accident and I was all worried about the wee boys finger, his attitude was is that blood all over the carpet aaaahhhh.

There goes that idea out the window.... It can be soul destroying when the one person you rely on the most is not giving you the support you need.... try wine it always supports me... until my legs stop supporting me

[toddlers896]

There goes that idea out the window.... It can be soul destroying when the one person you rely on the most is not giving you the support you need.... try wine it always supports me... until my legs stop supporting me

Ha ha love it. On my second glass now lol xx

[loocyloo]

Big hugs.
My dh is generally supportive but when he moans about the mess/clutter etc I say I can always stop working and as we need me to work he soon gets over it! ( however he has only ever known me working with children as a nanny or childminder so doesn't know how life might be if I did something else! )

It can be very hard when they don't understand and support. Like others have said. Maybe go out and have a chat about your job.

Good luck

[rickysmiths]

Gosh hugs to all of you.

I must be so lucky my husband has supported me 100% from day one 20 years ago yesterday when I first registered. He was so pleased I could be at home with our children and go to all the school things through the years (he couldn't because he is a teacher and couldn't get time off). I honestly couldn't have done it without his full support and as time has passed with the full support of both my children.

My husband has always interacted with the children and got on with the parents. I have always sold my childminding as a team effort because it takes palce in our home so everyone has to get on they generally meet all families before contracts are signed and we have a chat before signing as well if any of them have any misgivings then no Contract is signed, simple. It just as to work for all of us.

[FussyElmo]

When dh is good hes brilliant. When hes bad I could stab him

However we do have children and hes old fashioned that he wants me to be at home for them would it be different we didn't have a tribe of our own - probably he wouldn't be that understanding.

[funemnx]

I wish I could give some advice hun but sending huge hugs and keeping my fingers crossed you don't give up because you're really really really great at your job!XXX

[fionamal]

I must be one of the lucky ones, my hubby fully supports me with Childminding. Hes registered as my assistant for days where he is working from home so when its chucking it down the wee ones don't have to be woken from their sleep to be taken out in the horrible weather for the school runs.

He knows this is THE job as I used to work fulltime when my own 2 were little and understands that this makes sense as I am here for our own kids, can do little jobs about the house, dinner on the table when he comes home.

When I went out to work before most of my wage went to childminder, who ever was first in had to start cooking dinner, housework didn't get done until weekends.

Think you need to draw up a list of pros and cons and let him see that this job makes sense

[benandjerrys]

Could you not build a conservatory or have a different space? Maybe if the lounge was out of bounds to little ones he would feel a bit better? I use the whole of my downstairs but the little ones stay in playroom or conservatory or garden most of the time

[covgalxxx]

My DP not really supported and I haven't started yet, I got registered a few weeks ago, and he said he would sort it to get the things I needed like my MM box with the insurance, I put ads up online , and he still hasn't sorted it, so if anyone rings I will have say no ,which doesn't sound good, but he has money for the football, we had a argument last month about his season ticket, and he knows we can't afford it, so his parents are paying for it and he going to pay them back, with out talking to me they did this with out me knowing so his parents are no better, I feel I have no say as I'm not working, so really want to work to have a say, but he not making it easy, it's my bday Friday, and I have said I much rather have the money childminding , so of course I got presents, I'm doing this I'm being a childminder even if I have to be a single parent again to do it,

[toddlers896]

Could you not build a conservatory or have a different space? Maybe if the lounge was out of bounds to little ones he would feel a bit better? I use the whole of my downstairs but the little ones stay in playroom or conservatory or garden most of the time

I suggested this ages ago. His reply was we have a four bedroom house and you want a conservatory lol. Anyway had a very good chat with hubby las night. Asked him if he has a problem with me doing this job and wether he wants me to give up. He said no he wants me to be happy and he wants me to not eat, breathe and sleep childminding. I told him he has to be more supportive otherwise it will never work as it's a tough job and I need him on my side. He didn't realise he was doing it (so he says), and promises he will. So we have come to a compromise, I will close the door at 6pm and he will be more supportive and not so moody about everything. Yay, let's see how long it lasts x

[karen2010]

That's great hon x so glad for you x it's very difficult NOT to eat sleep and breathe it such a tough demanding job !! Xxx

[danemi1]

Glad u were able to track it over...we need support don't we