Advice needed please - how do I stop this bothering me?!!

[buzzy bee]

Both the 4 year olds I mind have issues with eating and it's starting to really bother me and that's what I need help with - how to stop it bothering me!

They are like it at home aswell so I know it's not just me. Both of them are meant to have dinner with me but they sit through the whole meal without touching their meal. They then get given something else at home (beans on toast or a yogurt for example).

While I can understand the parents doing this (so they don't get woken in the middle of the night by a hungry child) it infuriates me because I feel like what's the point of me cooking them a meal and wasting it.

It's getting to the point where it's affecting how I feel about the children for example I don't feel like doing baking with them and letting them eat the cakes because it makes me cross that all they eat is cakes and "nice" stuff but refuse to so much as touch their dinner.

I'm not looking for advice on the eating issues, I'm just looking for advice on how to stop letting this bother me so much!

[blue bear]

change what you feed them? so instead of a cooked meal maybe do croissants, sandwiches, toasted tea cakes, boiled eggs, beans on toast followed by a substantial afters like a veg platter and dips.

otherwise do them very small portions so very little is wasted and accept whatever you make is ultimately going in the bin

talk to parents about you stopping providing tea and provide a snack instead so they can eat at home with the family

[JCrakers]

It would bother me too....I hate spending time cooking and throwing it in the bin

I don't know how to advise on anything other than I would have a word with parents and say they should have tea at home

[buzzy bee]

change what you feed them? so instead of a cooked meal maybe do croissants, sandwiches, toasted tea cakes, boiled eggs, beans on toast followed by a substantial afters like a veg platter and dips.

otherwise do them very small portions so very little is wasted and accept whatever you make is ultimately going in the bin

talk to parents about you stopping providing tea and provide a snack instead so they can eat at home with the family

Thanks for the advice but I've tried so many different things and parents aren't interested.

I literally just want advice on how to stop caring!

[Mouse]

I would stop giving them an evening meal. What's the point in making it when you're just going to put it in the bin? Offer them a snack instead and let parents feed them at home

I used to have a couple of children here (siblings) who would mess around with the meal I gave them, knowing they were going to get fish fingers or chicken nuggets when they got home. I had a talk with mum and told her I was going to stop giving them a meal. She wasn't bothered as she was feeding them at home anyway.

[Kaybeaa]

Save what they don't touch and make another meal out of it? Or give it to another child. End of the day it's the parents issue not yours. If the parents won't stop meals then there's little you can do but at least you won't be angry about the waste?

Alternatively if you don't already, start charging for the meals on top of the hourly rate. Perhaps parents will be less inclined to take you up on meals if they have to pay for food not being eaten!

[k1rstie]

I have had a child the same is this. He even vomited on his plate twice when actual food went in the mouth! Smiley faces and fish fingers when he arrived home though.


I found it really upsetting especially when I had done a stew that had taken all day. I think that if the other 5 children round the table have scoffed theirs plus killed each other to get seconds, then there really is nothing wrong with it! The 'don't like it! ' used to drive me mental.

In the end I had to bite my lip and put it in the bin again, and remember that the other kids did eat it.

He has just changed his hours recently, so now no longer attends after school, and I have to say that for me the mealtime is now so stress free. I had not really realised how tightly wound up I was.

Sending you hugs

[loocyloo]

Just give a tiny tiny amount ... If eaten they can have more. If not you are only throwing a spoonful away.
I used to feel mean only giving mindee a spoonful but it was rarely eaten and I had to train myself not to offer things such as yogurt that child would eat ( said child was 8! ) mum would always say 'never mind' and give tea at home! I had offered to give child a snack but mum wanted child to experience a variety of food!

[Maza]

I have also given just very tiny amounts to one of my fussy eaters. I have taught them also to turn down food in a more 'polite' way. My nephew makes me so cross - he pulls his face and gets a real 'poor me' type of body language going and just insults me by talking about how horrible (words to that effect) it all looks. His mum doesn't pull him up on it and I don't feel like it is my place to do so. My mindees say something along the line of "Thank you, but I'm not quite hungry at the moment".

[karen2010]

I have a 4 year old who is a ridiculously fussy eater - wont eat breakfast in the morning, wont eat tea at night, at the moment will eat potato waffles and that is it. Now if this was my daughter she would eat what was on her plate and if she didnt would go hungry until she did. But of course you cant do that with mindees. The problem is Mum feeds him on McDonalds and chips as she had all this fussy eating with her first child and I dont think she can bear to go through it again so just gives in. It used to really bother and upset me, as well as getting me worried about so called healthy eating, now I just let it roll off me as after all he is not my child and I cant do it all. I totally understand where you are coming from, but if he gets something else at home why should he bother eating your food? I agree with other posts just give snacks x

[smurfette]

Get a dog, lol! We don't worry too much about waste saves on dog food!

[merry]

I would stop doing a cooked meal for them and explain to parents why. I always wonder how you give just a spoonful of food - you can't cook such a small amount and if they don't eat the spoonful the rest is still wasted. In my experience once something has started to bother you it's extremely hard to go back to not being bothered by it.

[Ripeberry]

Tell the parents that you will no longer provide a cooked meal. They can have a 'tea' but the parents will have to waste their own food.

[MessybutHappy]

Work out how much each thrown away portion costs, if you're giving tint amounts, it'll be pence, if that makes you feel less frustrated by the waste, then Yay, if not, then ensure you put up your prices to cover the cost of the wasted food. Also, white down everything you offer, I bet you'll feel very impressed by your creative skills in offering a great range that includes the five a day! If they don't eat... Not your problem, it's not costing you anything.

[amanda1309]

I had this with a 3 & 4 year old.

I solved the problems by stopping evening meals.

A snack is offered after school run and that's it, if they want more it's up to the parents to feed them when they get home

[Mummits]

I have also given just very tiny amounts to one of my fussy eaters. I have taught them also to turn down food in a more 'polite' way. My nephew makes me so cross - he pulls his face and gets a real 'poor me' type of body language going and just insults me by talking about how horrible (words to that effect) it all looks. His mum doesn't pull him up on it and I don't feel like it is my place to do so. My mindees say something along the line of "Thank you, but I'm not quite hungry at the moment".

I had a mindee just like your nephew - picky and rude, and fed chocolate cake at home if he wouldn't eat a proper meal here. He drove me nuts and I gave notice. What a relief!

[buzzy bee]

Thanks for the advice.

I have thought about re-serving the same meal the next day because it literally hasn't even been touched. But I feel bad doing this when all the other children are eating the same and just that one has something different. I feel like in a way I'm drawing more attention to the issue and being cruel. Although whatever I serve them doesn't make a difference because it won't get eaten. Oh, other than the days I give fish fingers - funnily enough those go down with no problem!

I think I'll do the "working out how much it costs" thing and also just give them a spoonful. And tell myself it's actually saving me money bacause I don't have to cook so much

I think it's mainly just the pandering by parents that bothers me - the fact they'll just get what they want when they get home so why bother eating my dinners?! Sometimes I wish parents were a bit firmer. The children always do far more for me than their parents - e.g. put their coats and shoes on, but suddenly when their parents arrive they lose the ability to put their shoes on, and their parents just do it without question. I think to myself "He's 5! Tell him to put them on himself!!" But that's another thread...

[k1rstie]

Buzzy, I personally do not think you should be giving the same meal back to the child at the next meal, or even worse giving the child's food to the other kids next time.

I think an EHO would frown on this.

(But obviously what you would do with your own kids would be up to you)


I think the best advise is smaller portions, get a dog and let it roll off you!

[yummyripples]

Do you think they are not eating it because they want to eat with their parents?
Might be worth suggesting that to them.
I think the person who said only give a tiny amount is spot on

[AdeleMarie88]

How about. You start encouraging the children to serve themselves with large spoons, and see if that does the trick?! If they don't want anything then they won't get any...if they do, then they are in control!
Should be less waste for you, and Ofsted love that kind of thing!! Xx