14 year olds smoking

[little chickee]

After your opinions please.
If you knew ( concrete evidence) that a friend of your 14 yo ( also 14) was smoking would you tell thier parents?

I know the child and am friendly with the parents.
I just think if my child was smoking and my friend knew - i would want to know.

[JCrakers]

I do know that a couple of my ds's friends smoke. I haven't said anything to the parents as I don't know them that well. If it was a close friend and I knew parents then I might mention it. As you know the parents then it makes it more personal doesn't it.

Also, how can the parents not smell it on them? We are a non smoking household and I know I would smell it on clothes etc. Even smoking outside in the openair, it still clings to your clothes, hair and fingers.

[emma04]

I would not say a word even if it were a friend!

I understand your predicament but It is not up to you to grass up (for the want of better words) this child and what would it achieve? We are talking teenager here!

They will continue to do what they want even after a huge blazing row in the house, with grounding and other stuff all of which teenager will know YOU have caused!

This child's parents will cotton on soon enough and that will be their cue to do what they wish about it.

Don't get drawn in to your friends teenagers habits whether you feel obliged or not.

[FloraDora]

Having had a 14 year old that experimented with smoking, I know the parents probably know already.
In a non smoking household the smell on clothes is a give away! My DS tried his best to hide it, but the sudden need to open bedroom windows and take the dog out for walks didn't fool us.
I didn't discuss this with my friends as it was something we were dealing with within the family, so if someone had seen him, they may well have thought the same as you.

I would leave it up to them, it's something lots of teenagers go through due to peer pressure and it's a right of passage as a parent to deal with it.

Luckily my son, who was a sportsman soon realised that it was not good for his health or wallet and was almost relieved when I questioned him about his lack of money and my suspicions ( all around a fathers day gift discussion). He led his friends then in dropping this fad and has never smoked, or tolerated others smoking since!

[catswhiskers]

Yes, I would tell their parents. After all, we're talking about a 14 year old and if I didn't know my youngest, who is 15, was smoking, then I would want to know.

I recently found out my friend's 16 year old had had a tattoo. I bought it up in conversation with my friend and she didn't know her daughter had a tattoo. Daughter had gone against Mum but then again the tattoo artist should have known better.

As adults, surely we have to guide our kids the right way. If I'm seen as a 'grass' by a 14 year old (sorry emma04) I wouldn't be worried.

[littlemiss60561]

Difficult one but I probably would to unless they were a really close friend. Mainly due to the implications on your relationship with your child and there's with their friend. Teenagers can be really horrid and it may reflect on yours.
I used to smoke from the age of 12/13 . Thought I was super cool but judging by my reactions to teenagers now, I must have looked such a prat! How I thought my parents didn't know , how I too began taking the dog for a walk twice a day when previously I had to have a rocket up my backside to just take the rubbish out! .
Maybe reinforce your expectations of your child and say how ridiculous teenagers look!

[AdeleMarie88]

I think you have to think about the effect it could have on your relationship with your son aswell. If this is his friend, and you "grass him up" is it going to change how your son sees you? What if your son ever experiments? It's important he feels as if he can trust you to tell you stuff, and if you talk to this boys mom, you may loose the trust of your son. You can't forget that he is a young teenager, they see things different to adults.

My advice would be to talk to your son, have an honest discussion with him. Tell him that you trust him to make good decisions, and if he ever feels the need to try cigarettes or alcohol, you want him to know the facts. List all the horrid diseases, and tell him about how it makes your breath smell, skin yellow, and stunts your growth. Your son may then pass this on to his friend. Ultimately your only concern is your own child. As long as you and your son can talk about these things honestly, that's all that matters.

The boys mom most likely knows, and if she doesn't I doubt she will appreciate your input. She will feel as if you are judging her parenting, or that you are saying you know her son better than she does. It's not nice to know a 14yr old is smoking, however I guarantee most teenagers will try it, all we can do is arm them with the facts and be honest with them! Xx

[little chickee]

Thanks. I've had a good think about it and i've decided not to get involved. None of my business i suppose.
My son is very against smoking and i'm confident he wont start.

I guess I'm just struggling with my boys growing up! Its such a minefield out there I do worry about thim.
But I just need to worry about mine and let other parents worry about theirs!!