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  1. #1
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    Default advice needed please *do not read if eating*

    My ds 5 has major problems with pooing I've posted about his issues before.
    He keeps having accidents because he tries to hold it in but the medication he is on won't let him.
    The dr has now decided it's a psychological problem and we are waiting for a referral.

    He has been having accidents at school at least once a week since he started in reception, he's year 1 now. The school never do anything about it. They just leave him dirty all day.
    Today when I picked him up as he was walking across the play ground towards me I could smell him. When I changed him he was covered from his waist all the way to his ankles. It had obviously happened this morning (he won't tell me) as it was dried to him he is so sore now. His skin is bright red I've covered him in sudo cream it looks like a severe case of nappy rash.

    I'm unsure what is going to be the best way to approach this with the school. It's happened before and I went in and made it clear I wasn't happy. I told them that if he has another accident they are to call me and I will come in and clean him up if no one there is willing to do it.

    I need to calm down before I do anything. Im so angry and upset

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    Aw Hun that's awful! You have my sympathies as dd3 is the same .. Thankfully much better these days she is 8 now and appears to have grown out of some of it. School used to ring me and tell me her tummy was upset and I would go with a change of clothes And wipes and clean her up., if she was really bad and I felt she might have another accident I would take her home then. There is no way he should be left like that poor mite. Definitely in again to school and say it's unacceptable and you need to be called immediately.. Some times my poor dd would be in the bathroom crying when I got there, they can't help it and don't like being dirty. Hugs for you

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    That is awful, how can a school do that! You've said you are willing to go in if needs be so there is no excuse! I would be fuming if that was me! I know schools are anxious about intimate contact with children in case of abuse allegations but surely them leaving it and doing nothing is neglect! I can see occasionally it might not he noticed if the child says nothing and its only a little bit but when it's like you describe then they would be able to smell it just like we do when a babies nappy needs changing! I would be pointing out to the school that they have a duty of care for your son and would want to know how they plan to care for him the next time he has an accident, if I wasn't happy with the teachers response I would be taking to the next step and speaking to the head teacher. I'm fuming on your behalf!

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    I'm shocked to the core! that's neglect in any other setting, imagine if that happened in an old people's home or secure unit? The press would be up in arms and rightly so.

    I don't know what to suggest, presumably you've tried lots of different ways to minimise any mess, but these aren't working, and I cannot accept that the school would think it ok to leave a child smelly and dirty when you've said you'll go down and assist him.

    I hope someone with a bright idea will come along soon, but in the meantime I hope he's not too distressed by today's disgraceful situation.

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    I would go with him to the office tomorrow morning and say you need to see the head immediately about a complaint, nothing will improve for your son unless you tackle the school.....this is a medical problem, he has been referred by gp.....in fact I wouldn't want my child in that class at all - awful

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    A difficult one for schools. I know when my ds1 was in primary school there was a child in his classwho had accidents due to medication and they would not clean him up they would send him to first aid room and sit on a black bag and call parent to come and clean him up and bring a change of clothes but he was never left for a whole day like it.

    Deb
    Children are born with wings we help them to fly.

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    I'm so sorry for the distress caused by insensitive school staff someone must have noticed!! Definitely take this further x one thing that might help is I had a child who would not tell /tLk to teacher so we devised a system with post it notes which he just left on her desk which then alerted her to his needs and he didn't have to say anything x might help x

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    This is so awful to read I feel so sad for you and your poor boy, id be furious !! They may not be allowed to clean it but youve stated that u will go and do it yourself.....id deffo be onto the head first thing as im sure u will be

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    My thoughts are the same as others...a complete sense of neglect on the schools part, any other setting would be crucified if this happened. One of my mindee's went through this and the school phoned his mum. When she got there with wipes, change of clothes, she found him waist down covered due to an upset tummy. Unfortunately this incident then affect her sons confidence in going to school and he had a few nasty comments from kids at school. Stern word with head is needed, to go all day is not on

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    I totally agree with the posts about this, but also, how could the staff work in the class with the smell? I know you get fade with odours but if it was all over him, poor chap, it would have been in their noses since it happened. Surely that would have been enough to call you to come in and clean aside form the health, comfort and hygiene issues for your little chap?! (and knowing how you can tell theres a dirty nappy at a toddler group I wouldn't believe them if they claim nobody noticed)

    I would address it with the class teacher AND and complain to the Head. Stories like this break my heart. I realise cleaning poo isn't part of the job for teachers and TA's but it's not as if you haven't said you won't go in and do it.
    Last edited by Tealady; 08-01-2014 at 07:00 PM.

  11. #11
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    I work in a school and I would advise making an appointment to speak to the head teacher to discuss your concerns. If you take a written complaint letter with you so they have a written record (they have to respond to a letter, so it is harder for them to fob you off).

    The class teacher needs to meet with you to work out a care plan so the problem is dealt with in a consistent caring way. If you do not feel the headteacher was helpful the next stage is a written complaint to the school governors and Ofsted.

    I hope they can work with you to sort this out.

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    All I keep thinking about is what would happen to me and my business if I did that.
    What if a mindee has a dirty nappy at 10am then I leave it til mum picks up at 4pm? Surely I would be in serious trouble with ofsted?
    I keep trying to write an email to the head but it doesn't sound right. I'm finding it hard to get down what I need to say as I can't find suitable alternatives for the swear words.
    I think it'll be best to meet her face to face and discuss it.

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    That is disgusting

    How about something along the lines of:

    I am writing to in regards to the incident today (8th January). On collection of my son from school I quickly discovered that he had had an accident, on further inspection, it was a major one, leaving him covered from waist to ankle in poo. This had clearly happened much earlier in the day as it had dried to him, leving him very sore. I have on previous occasions made it very clear that I will come straight into change him should such an accident occur. Further, I view this as a major inclusion and safeguarding fail on the schools part. Should I have sent my son to school in such a state I could easily be charged with neglect. The school also has a need to provide a safe environment for my child; leaving him in such a state will leave him vulnerable to bullying as well as the physical implications.
    I expect a reply in writing setting out a plan of action in case this should ever happen again.
    Yours...
    Mum of three, 6,5 and 4. Now minding a few more too!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrsh3103 View Post
    All I keep thinking about is what would happen to me and my business if I did that. What if a mindee has a dirty nappy at 10am then I leave it til mum picks up at 4pm? Surely I would be in serious trouble with ofsted? I keep trying to write an email to the head but it doesn't sound right. I'm finding it hard to get down what I need to say as I can't find suitable alternatives for the swear words. I think it'll be best to meet her face to face and discuss it.
    I'm not surprised you're finding it hard to write a letter. I'd write down exactly what you're feeling (swear words and all) but don't send that version.

    I agree that it's disgraceful and schools shouldn't be allowed to hide behind 'safeguarding' issues. It's neglect, plain and simple. Your poor DS. Whether you take a letter or not tomorrow, make sure they know you want to complain. Ask for their complaints policy, in writing, and don't leave til they give it to you. Hugs for you and your DS.

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  18. #15
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    Reading that I am absolutely appalled. Your poor ds and you I cannot believe how anyone could leave a child like that for a few minutes let alone hours. The letter suggested below is good. I would use something like that and make it crystal clear that this must never happen again. I wouldn't have expected teachers to clean him up but to ignore it disgusts me. Why an earth did they not contact you? Also I was wondering if you had been on the ERIC website for enuresis. It has parent forums on there whose children have all got the same problems both with bladder and/or bowel issues. Can you not get any kind of padded pants or something to use? I have heard of these, there should be guidance on that site about them and other advice. I really hope you get this sorted and the school can get their backsides in gear and support your ds. Please keep us updated.

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    My son went through exactly the same thing. I ended up keeping him off school over 2 weeks because he was in such a state. We went to see a specialist who was brilliant and explained that this is very common in children of about this age. Basically its a form of constipation because the child can no longer go to the toilet as and when they please and when they do go they cant always spend the time they need in the toilet. Therefore it means lots of leakage. We were taught to retrain his bowel. He was prescribed a mild laxative before bed. We got him up about half an hour earlier in the morning and he was to sit on the toilet with his favourite comics or books for as long as he needed with no pressure. The same thing after school. Books in the bathroom with no one knocking on the door , for as long as it took. It only took a few weeks and his body got into a regular routine where he would only need to poo at home. Sorry its long winded, but fingers crossed the situation improves. xxx
    Julie X X

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    I am so sad to hear this. As everyone else had said it is neglect. We would be closed down. I would tell the school that you might have to tell social services as you have a duty of care even if they don't think they do.

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    I had an appointment with the class teacher and head before school this morning. I told them how disgusted I was that this has happened AGAIN. I have told them again to phone me if it happens and I will be there asap to sort it if no one there is willing to help him out a bit.
    I also said about if it was me that did that to a child in my care I would be shut down by ofsted as it's neglect.
    The school is currently on special measures so I think mentioning ofsted hit a nerve!
    I have suggested the post it note idea (thanks) so hopefully he will be able to tell his teacher without any embarrassment now.
    I'm going to see how it goes, once more and it'll be a direct complaint to ofsted.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mrsh3103 View Post
    I had an appointment with the class teacher and head before school this morning. I told them how disgusted I was that this has happened AGAIN. I have told them again to phone me if it happens and I will be there asap to sort it if no one there is willing to help him out a bit.
    I also said about if it was me that did that to a child in my care I would be shut down by ofsted as it's neglect.
    The school is currently on special measures so I think mentioning ofsted hit a nerve!
    I have suggested the post it note idea (thanks) so hopefully he will be able to tell his teacher without any embarrassment now.
    I'm going to see how it goes, once more and it'll be a direct complaint to ofsted.
    Good for you x I hope this is the end of the awful treatment your son is receiving but you are probably in a better position than most parents as you know how easy it is to call ofsted x

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    Just read this!!

    This is what I think ( as a retired HT):

    Because this is technically a medical problem I would have had you fill in a medical care form so that everyone in the school is clear on what they need to do in incidents like this.
    The appointed first aider/ medical carer should oversee the completion of this, where you can discuss the best way the school can support your child. Every member of staff should have knowledge of this care plan so if it happens at lunch time, the lunchtime staff know what to do too.
    On this form will be the medical issue, the medication needed, what the school will do if this happens eg...a named member of staff that will deal with it or a call to you, you visit and clean him or take him home and return him ASAP.
    It should be treated as a genuine medical issue and equal opportunities should kick in ...supporting your child to enable continuity at school.
    Not all schools are happy to deal with cleaning children, but I had a superb office manager/ first aider who would not hesitate to help a child and my EY team would always clean up and change, unless the child was in such a mess that it would be easier for parent to take child home and pop in a bath/ shower and then return to school.

    I am really shocked by this ... A formal personal plan needs to be put in place to ensure this does not happen again.
    I would return to school, say you have reflected on situation, then request a personalised plan be written and put in place so that you know they have dealt with incident and are putting a plan in place...and to reassure you this will not happen again.

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