advice needed please *do not read if eating*

**samb** · 10-01-2014, 12:24 PM

My dd used to suffer with chronic constipation and therefore have "leakage" issues which was bad enough. But for your poor ds I feel so sad for you and him. I'm glad you've managed to speak to the head and just hope you feel they have put something real in place now to stop a repeat of this. :-(

**Mrsh3103** · 17-01-2014, 03:55 PM

Ds had another accident at school today. We had set up the post it note system so he could discretely tell his teacher without the embarrassment of actually saying it to her.
He didn't use this and the teacher only knew because she could smell him. When she asked why he didn't put the post it note on her desk he said he forgot. Well I know this isn't the case because I remind him every morning.
I don't know what to do now!

**watford wizz** · 17-01-2014, 04:39 PM

Sorry it didn't work today did he have the post it notes in his pocket? Could you try a small key ring size favourite object x

**Velleity** · 17-01-2014, 06:11 PM

Is taking him off the medication that's stopping him from being able to control his bowel movements not an option?

Perhaps something gentler would be beneficial for him. If he feels that he's in better control of his own body then he might improve?

Sorry I hope this doesn't sound interfering. Just an alternative idea

**Mrsh3103** · 17-01-2014, 06:30 PM

Not at all

he was taken off the medication earlier this week as the dr thought the same. He has had an accident every day this week but today was the 1st one at school.

I don't know what to do with him. He doesn't seem bothered at all by it. He will quite happily sit all day like that if it wasn't for me changing him! It's as if he just doesn't care about how uncomfortable it is or the smell. The only thing that embarrasses him is having to actually say to someone that he has had an accident. Then his fingers go in his mouth and he looks at the ground.

I've tried reward charts where he gets to choose a family afternoon out (I give him options or we'd end up on the moon lol) if he's pood on the loo at least once during the week and has had clean pants everyday. I've tried a reward straight after a poo.
I've tried the gentle 'it's ok, but you need to try harder' approach.
I've lost my temper and told him off.
I've made him rinse his pants out (drs advice)
We've had him use his own money to buy new pants.
We've stopped him from using his nintendo until he goes a week with clean pants.

I just want to cry. It's causing problems with me and dh now

**loocyloo** · 17-01-2014, 07:00 PM

Big hugs.

If it is not medical but psychological ( without making it sound too strong ) might the doctors be able to help?

My friends son has issues pooing and would sit in it 'oblivious' and they tried all the approaches you have. ( he had a medical issue as a baby and once toilet training worked out how to push mummy s buttons ) when he was about 6 he went away to a 'camp' with other children with issues and educational psychologists/nurses etc worked with him and got no where. Eventually he had surgery to insert a stoma ( the opening for a catheta ) and then basically every morning he was 'washed out' (antegrade colinic enema) and it removed the worry/issue/concern etc and after a few months of this and him realising what fun he could have - go to friends houses, parties, football club etc they slowly started toilet training and he seems to be ok now.

Sorry if that seems like an over the top solution but you and your son are not alone xxx

**ja-lula-belli** · 17-01-2014, 07:16 PM

You are completely within your right to be furious! This is dispicable from the school! What a poor boy to be left in such a way! Especially if you have told them to call you. I do not think I would ever calm down!
I'm so sorry to hear that the school are giving you these problems.
X x xx

Ja-Lula-Bell*****minding

**Gogominder** · 17-01-2014, 08:25 PM

Why can't they at least call you bless him .why would they want to smell that all day anyway gggrrr that's so unfair on him .

**Mrsh3103** · 17-01-2014, 09:29 PM

Originally Posted by loocyloo

Big hugs.

If it is not medical but psychological ( without making it sound too strong ) might the doctors be able to help?

My friends son has issues pooing and would sit in it 'oblivious' and they tried all the approaches you have. ( he had a medical issue as a baby and once toilet training worked out how to push mummy s buttons ) when he was about 6 he went away to a 'camp' with other children with issues and educational psychologists/nurses etc worked with him and got no where. Eventually he had surgery to insert a stoma ( the opening for a catheta ) and then basically every morning he was 'washed out' (antegrade colinic enema) and it removed the worry/issue/concern etc and after a few months of this and him realising what fun he could have - go to friends houses, parties, football club etc they slowly started toilet training and he seems to be ok now.

Sorry if that seems like an over the top solution but you and your son are not alone xxx

Nothing sounds over the top anymore

He's a fussy eater and recently this has got even worse. He refused to eat his tea last night and tonight. The only thing I can think of is he is so clogged up there just isn't the space for any more food! I just hate seeing my baby go through this and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do

**littlemiss60561** · 17-01-2014, 10:14 PM

Ahh I've just seen your post and feel really sad for you and your son. I'm also really cross with the school for neglecting him. Good for you speaking to the head and managing to hold back on the language . Was the head disgusted too? I flippin hope so.
Is he really ok sitting in it or worried about getting up maybe?
Hope you find something to help and the school buck up their ways x

**Tulip** · 17-01-2014, 10:39 PM

Oh dear, sorry to hear you are still having probs, try not too worry too much at some point I'm sure he'll grow out of it. In the mean time what about some new undies with his favourite character on them, sending hugs x

**smurfette** · 18-01-2014, 11:55 AM

Have you tried baby lax suppositories? We used movicol which I found impossible to judge and it didn't take effect for several
Days by which time we
Would have given her too much and she went the other way! Baby lax is instant within about 15 minutes and gives a proper clear
Out..can give cramps though so maybe some calpol too
My dd also wouldn't eat when she was stuffed up.

I feel your pain it was so so stressful and dh and I argued a lot about how best to handle it and nothing seemed
To work! In the end she has grown out of it a lot. We saw a consultant and she said her colon was just immature and needed time to catch up. We find swimming and trampolining works nearly instantly to get her to go, and exercise in general improves it we notice a difference when she hasn't been to training for a couple of weeks.

Fruit everyday, lots of water and bizzarely though she loves them salty crackers like tuc
Make her worse. She gave them up for lent her own idea and she was much better those 6 weeks! Less milk, only on cereal, raisins are
Good, and cranberry juice helps,

Sure you have tried a lot of this, if you haven't already get a referral to a consultant,, there is also a good site called PottyMD.com which is fab .. Does he also bed wet it's connected? You are not alone in this he isn't unusual though it can feel like you are! Pm me if you want to rant as I have been there!

**sing-low** · 18-01-2014, 12:07 PM

Sorry to hear that the post-it notes didn't work. Did the school call you this time to come in and clean him up? If so, that is a positive step forward.

It may take some time to resolve this issue (between you and your son and the school, there's lots of different people involved and everyone won't always do what they are supposed to do which makes it really hard for you caught in the middle, trying to do the best for your DS but also really worried about him and angry with the school). I know that's not what you want to hear - if only there was a magic solution that would make it all better.

I don't have any new ideas - lots of good advice on this thread. Just sending hugs.

**jackie 7** · 18-01-2014, 07:13 PM

I looked after a boy who wet his pants every day. He said the warm wet feeling was nice. It stopped when I asked him what the other children thought, he said they don't know. I sent him to look I. A mirror as he was wearing light blue jeans it was obvious. He stopped immediately. I know this might be horrible but would it be worth asking him what the other children think?

**Mrsh3103** · 18-01-2014, 08:38 PM

I've tried that approach too. I've told him it's really smelly and everyone will be able to smell him. I know it's harsh but I've even said no one will want to play with the smelly boy. I said this put of frustration one day. Feel so guilty about it but I'd tried all the other approaches with no results. Back to the drs on monday. I've had to clean him up twice today. Once was 15 mins after I made him sit on the toilet for 10 mins with his nintento!

**blue bear** · 18-01-2014, 08:59 PM

Not a long term help but have you tried Califig, you get it from big supermarkets or chemist (syrup of fig) give it at night for results in the morning.
The trouble with laxatives etc is it makes the bowel lazy and so you have to retrain the child.

Has anyone at school told him he is not allowed to do it at school, sounds harsh but I found with one little one who was doing this being understanding only encouraged him more, one day I told him you are not allowed to do this at BlueBear house you have to use the toilet, he chanted it for a few days and then he started using the toilet, took about two weeks to crack it completely. Worked with another child who wet himself regularly too.

Can't see it working at home as you are mum but might work for the teacher. Anything is worth a try when you get that desperate.

I cannot understand how schools would neglect a child in this way to protect staff use doesn't make sense does it.

**LauraS** · 18-01-2014, 09:05 PM

I would expect the school to be doing much better in his care. I know teachers don't like to be cleaning up children who have accidents, and I can understand why, but your son currently has 'additional needs' and the school have a duty to meet them. If your son required medication because he was diabetic, or if he needed assistance and monitoring because he was epileptic etc etc then the school would have to ensure that there was someone on the premises that was trained and competent to provide whatever help was needed. The only difference, in my opinion, is that your son doesn't have a formal diagnosis, and that the help needed is unpleasant to provide.

Your son shouldn't have to let the teacher ow when he has had an accident. You have tried that route and he doesn't tell. Understandable, he is probably mortified. The school need to have something in placeso that they are adequately monitoring him and can get him out of dirty clothes ASAP. He should not have to wait for your help, nor should he have to miss vital lesson time waiting to be cleaned up.

Would pull ups help at all? I know it's a backward step, but in the short term it might make it less of a big deal, less of a mess for your son to be sitting in and cleaning up, less of an embarrassment for him? Just while the reasons for the Incontinence are dealt with?

**AliceK** · 18-01-2014, 11:01 PM

Hi
My ds also suffers from chronic constipation and when it gets bad he gets leakage. First of all you should know that he cannot help it and that he can,t control it. I was mortified when the doctor told me this as I was at the end of my tether and thought he was just being lazy. Basically his bowel needs retraining and the only thing that will do this is getting him in a routine of pooling on a regular basis. Bear in mind my ds suffered with this for about four years before I read about flax oil. I now give it to him in a yogurt once a day and the results have been brilliant. He now is much more regular so the leakage is more or less nil unless he gets back out of the habit of going. I nag him every day to have a poo. If it does start up he puts a sanitary pad in his pants so he can keep himself clean but as long as he takes the flax oil he is so much better. Before that we had tried suppositories, movicol and lactulose all with no success. Try the oil and make sure he at least trys to get into a routine and see what happens. Good luck, it's heartbreaking so see them suffer with it.
Xxx

**Mrsh3103** · 21-01-2014, 07:34 PM

We've had a bit of a breakthrough over the last few days.

DH decided to start a pooing contest between us all lol. We've got a chart with all our names on and every time we do a poo we put a star next to our names.
Ds is still having small accidents during the day but he has so far done 2 poos on the toilet

**loocyloo** · 21-01-2014, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by Mrsh3103

We've had a bit of a breakthrough over the last few days.

DH decided to start a pooing contest between us all lol. We've got a chart with all our names on and every time we do a poo we put a star next to our names.
Ds is still having small accidents during the day but he has so far done 2 poos on the toilet

Fantastic! I love the idea :-):-):-)