Shocked!!

[Lu 2010]

Ok so I had a bit of a shocking incident this morning and need peoples opinion and advice please.

Two of my little ones playing in the home corner and they say we need another baby so I say "Here's one" and point to a doll which happens to be black, to which my almost 4 year old mindee says "no we don't want that one, we don't like black" !!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so shocked it took me a couple of minutes to register what she'd said. Once I'd composed myself I took her to one side and asked here where she'd heard that, she said she didn't know so I tried to explain that people shouldn't be judged by the colour of their skin, but obviously in a child friendly way.

Not sure what to do now, if I talk to parents I've a feeling they're just going to laugh about it, I'm quite ashamed at the moment to say they're my friends so could be awkward.

Should I just try to focus a little more on multi-cultural activities and things with the little one?

[mama2three]

Ive a feeling you might be over-reacting.
They just didn't want that doll - it doesn't mean the family are racist or have said anything to the children.
They might just have well have said they didn't want the doll with the red dress for example.

Keep an eye on further comments , and do a few diversity related activities perhaps , but I wouldn't be worried just based on the one comment.

[sing-low]

I think you handled it really well. "we don't like black" could just mean black as a colour in the same way that I'd say 'I don't like green/blue/yellow'. But obviously in the context of colour of skin, it needs to be addressed. I would do some diversity games/activities with them. I found a great one on pinterest which was a brown egg and a white egg both cracked and the inside of the eggs was the same. I thought that was a brilliant visual way of explaining diversity.

[Tulip]

I don't think they were being racist or repeating something they have heard. I think if you gave them a doll that was purple with yellow spots all over they would have said 'we don't want that doll its purple with yellow spots all over'
Perhaps a good time to introduce more multi cultural activities x

[Lu 2010]

Thank you, think its probably because I know the parents so well that I reacted the way I did x

[gef918]

I agree. More multi-cultural activities and monitor comments.

[Mouse]

Was the doll black or brown?

I agree with what others are saying about the children simply objecting to the colour of the doll, but surely if that was the case they would say they don't like brown? Why would they call a brown object black?
To me that would indicate that it was at least slightly based on their interpretation of skin colour, although I still wouldn't got over the top with it.

I would carry on as you are (you obviously have diverse resources readily available) and be prepared if any more comments are made. Children of that age often say they don't like someone because of their hair colour, skin colour, clothes they wear etc. It doesn't mean they're racist, or even making a racist comment. It just needs you to ask why they don't like whatever it is and to talk about it with them.

[samb]

My daughter is 8 and has a thing with dolls with blonde hair at the moment. We are a family of dark hair but she keeps favouring blonde over dark. I would say it's the same with a young child and the different skin toned dolls? Probably isn't anything to worry about but never hurts to up the multi cultural activities.

[emma04]

I have multi cultural dolls and the children never touch them! I've done everything to encourage multi culture but it doesn't make a difference, reason being.....
They just don't like them
one mindee pointed out that the oriental doll had no eyes (it had stitched, slanted eyes) and she didn't like it!!
Another said that the brown doll looked like a teddy bear and not like a real baby

We live in an area that lacks a multi cultural population and therefore makes introducing it to toddlers very difficult, their innocence allows them to visualise general differences, ones that they cannot relate to real life because during their daily routines they don't see many (if any) cultural differences in people.

[Kaybeaa]

A similar thing happened to me yesterday with my 5 year old schoolie. We walked past a very dark skinned man at a bus stop who had dreadlocks, and as she was walking past she yelled out "that man looks weird, and his hair is funny"

I couldn't walk fast enough. I gave her the speech on everyone looking different and different races etc and said how would she like it if someone said that about her etc, and then when we got in I dug my old trustee books "Bright eyes brown skin" and "henda's suprise" and had a little read. Don't know how much of it she took in but it's a start.

It could just be that your mindee didn't like the black doll because she isn't keen on the colour black like everyone else has said. Maybe keep your eye out though. This is the age where they start having massive opinions on everything!

[angeldelight]

Kids will be kids

Might not have been anything in it but you explained it really well anyway

Angel xx

[scottishlass]

I remember my daughter saying a similar comment and I was horrified - when I looked to what she was talking about it was a barbie doll with black hair - so she just didn't like the black hair but the way she worded it sounded bad!

[clareelizabeth1]

I have multi cultural dolls and the children never touch them! I've done everything to encourage multi culture but it doesn't make a difference, reason being..... They just don't like them one mindee pointed out that the oriental doll had no eyes (it had stitched, slanted eyes) and she didn't like it!! Another said that the brown doll looked like a teddy bear and not like a real baby We live in an area that lacks a multi cultural population and therefore makes introducing it to toddlers very difficult, their innocence allows them to visualise general differences, ones that they cannot relate to real life because during their daily routines they don't see many (if any) cultural differences in people.

When I worked at a nursery I never once saw the multicultural dolls being played with. They always wanted the white bald baby which they would love and care for. If they were made to use another doll it was treated not badly but not nicely either. I always thought it was because we live in a village with only white people.

Then I got chatting to my mum who works at a school which I 99%asian and she has the same problem the white bald baby is loved and there black doll has just last month had its arm ripped off.

Personally I don't teach them multiculturalism as in they are different I just have it as a way of life for them. We celebrate different cultures like we eat different foods with no fuss. Although my black doll still hasn't been accepted by any child I have looked after so when we play dolls I do try and get it involved in the game.

I wonder if forcing it would cause them to become aware of racism and maybe even become racist. I only had a white doll but now have friends of all colours. Never even thought about the fact that people were different colours until adults started telling me.

[loocyloo]

A few years ago when ds was 5 or 6 he was telling me about a friend ...

He has the same shoes as me, his coat is green, he has pack lunches, he has curly black hair .. the list went on with him getting crosser and crosser that I didnt know who he meant. Yes ... it was the only coloured child in the class, almost the school but ds never mentioned his skin colour.

Xx

[smurfette]

A few years ago when ds was 5 or 6 he was telling me about a friend ... He has the same shoes as me, his coat is green, he has pack lunches, he has curly black hair .. the list went on with him getting crosser and crosser that I didnt know who he meant. Yes ... it was the only coloured child in the class, almost the school but ds never mentioned his skin colour. Xx

My dd was friends with a little boy called Alan, it never occurred to her to describe the colour of his skin, we presumed he was Irish but no he was Indian (alin!) I really don't think they see it sometimes which is fab, unless they are around someone racist.. Sounds like they just don't like the doll!

[rickysmiths]

Ok so I had a bit of a shocking incident this morning and need peoples opinion and advice please.

Two of my little ones playing in the home corner and they say we need another baby so I say "Here's one" and point to a doll which happens to be black, to which my almost 4 year old mindee says "no we don't want that one, we don't like black" !!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so shocked it took me a couple of minutes to register what she'd said. Once I'd composed myself I took her to one side and asked here where she'd heard that, she said she didn't know so I tried to explain that people shouldn't be judged by the colour of their skin, but obviously in a child friendly way.

Not sure what to do now, if I talk to parents I've a feeling they're just going to laugh about it, I'm quite ashamed at the moment to say they're my friends so could be awkward.

Should I just try to focus a little more on multi-cultural activities and things with the little one?

I think you are reading too much into this. I have a large Trofast tub of assorted dolls of all creed and colour. The children all have their preferences and this changes day on day. It would never occur to me to translate this into possible racist comments in under 5s. I also live in a predominantly white affluent area and have never had any difficulty in introducing the idea of difference and we celebrate all the different festivals through the year.

Again it wouldn't occur to me to mention this to the parents. it is just a child preferring one doll over another. Just because it is black may have nothing to do with it, it was the way the child could volcalise their preference.

[bindy]

I totally agree with rickysmiths. I find the children do exactly the same with the dolls we have. At one time my daughter would not play with the black doll, the reason being it was quite heavy for her, but now its the only one she will play with, because its the only one that has eyes that close! Nothing to do with the colour. All my children have their favourite dolls because they like the dress, or one may be soft or one may make noise.

[k1rstie]

A few years ago when ds was 5 or 6 he was telling me about a friend ...

He has the same shoes as me, his coat is green, he has pack lunches, he has curly black hair .. the list went on with him getting crosser and crosser that I didnt know who he meant. Yes ... it was the only coloured child in the class, almost the school but ds never mentioned his skin colour.

Xx

I had a similar situation wit my daughter recently. She had a new boy in her class, his name was Patrick. She now has two Patrick's in her class, one from Nigeria, and the new one from Poland.

I asked her how they could tell the difference between them, she rolled her eyes and replied that one had a 'e' at the end if his name and the other one didn't!

That told me!!

[Tulip]

When I was little I had doll she was a gorgeous rich brown colour with beautiful dark curly hair she was my favorite because she was so pretty! She was the opposite colouring to myself. Having said that I have seen a little boy who took no interest in dolls what so ever, but one day he saw a doll with the same dark complexion as his own and immediately took to it

[charlottenash]

I've only read original post but I think you've looked into it too much, they didn't want that doll, so that's that. They didn't not want the doll just because it was black IMO