What am I doing to them?

[Memina]

Week before half term I had parents evening for my ds 7. Well academically you couldn't ask for a better report. His comprehension is at least 2 years beyond his age and he is excelling in all areas HOWEVER. .....

teacher went on to say he's disruptive and rude. He spells out rude words to the teacher dose flips in class and is a general pain in the butt

Today I went to see my dd 4 nursery teacher to be told shes very advanced for her age, will say what she feels in very mature vocabulary and is very intelligent HOWEVER. ...

She's defiant and will not be told what to do. When I asked what does that mean and pls could I have an example I was told that when told to apologies for not doing what she was asked to do by her teacher she firmly said No! I'm not sorry so I will not apologise.

What she's in nursery and he's in year 2. What am I doing to my kids that they are both clever but not compliant.

Dh says they take after me!

[TooEarlyForGin?]

Ask if he is spelling the rude words correctly and suggest they give him harder ones to work on (excuse the pun).

Seriously my DH was apparently really bad at school (he will not admit it at all, but his mum tells me otherwise) and its because he was too intelligent and was bored.... He is a really intelligent (know it all, pain in the ****) bloke.

Worth considering.

[emmamc]

Your son is bored because the work is too easy for him. Unfortunately the gifted and talented are often overlooked and have to put up with being bored, as the teachers are far too busy trying to get the rest of the class just up to standard level!

And at least your daughter is honest! Surely she's just asserting herself, isn't this a normal developmental stage?

[dawn100]

I would be asking the school how are they challenging him with his school work as they have said he is 2 years ahead of his age then he should be getting set work that reflects that. My dd hated nursery and started to get disruptive towards the end because she was bored as she is very bright but they would not acknowledge this however since starting school they have noticed how bright she is so are extending her learning and challenging her and she loves it.
I think some of this responsibility falls on the school as whilst you need to make your kids aware what sort of behaviour is and isn't acceptable they also need to find ways to channel and challenge them although I wouldn't think your daughter is alone in being defiant at the age of 4.

[MrsPixie]

I agree with what everyone else said. It is so easy for bright children to get bored and play up. I would be expecting the school to meet their needs or put up with their behaviour! Children deserve respect for their abilities and if they aren't getting that then who can blame them for being fed up. Maybe also a gentle chat is needed about how it is not okay to act up and be difficult but to ask for what they feel they need.

[Memina]

Thanks for your support x

I feel like I can't win. I have spoken to ds about his behaviour and he knows its not acceptable. Also this new teacher is very young so dont think he see her as an authoritative figure.

With regards to dd she's born on 1st Sept so has done a whole year of preschool and now nursery so I get that she's bored. She's also a little madam and if she does not want to play outside she will refuse to go out, if she doesn't want to sing she won't!
Oh well I've asked ds teacher to check in with me weekly to monitor his behaviour.

[mama2three]

Im going to go against the flow here - I too have a g&t 7 year old.
If he was being dispruptive in class I would come down on him like a ton of bricks. There is absolutely no excuse for rudeness and lack of respect...I don't care if hes finished his work or isn't challenged enough..hes quite capable of finding an acceptable way to fill his time such as reading! If hes clever then he has the understanding that there are consequences to his actions and boy would there be consequences.
Alongside this I would of course be speaking to the teacher about extending him and challenging him further academically . I would also work alongside her with regards to behaviour ..whether it is rewards or sanctions.

[FussyElmo]

Im going to go against the flow here - I too have a g&t 7 year old.
If he was being dispruptive in class I would come down on him like a ton of bricks. There is absolutely no excuse for rudeness and lack of respect...I don't care if hes finished his work or isn't challenged enough..hes quite capable of finding an acceptable way to fill his time such as reading! If hes clever then he has the understanding that there are consequences to his actions and boy would there be consequences.
Alongside this I would of course be speaking to the teacher about extending him and challenging him further academically . I would also work alongside her with regards to behaviour ..whether it is rewards or sanctions.

I agree with mama2three there is always a reason for disruptive behaviour, whether it be bored, struggling, problems at home, or they have just got in a bad mood. Doing flips in the classroom could actually be dangerous if he was to catch another child.

You need to work with school and tell them that their behaviour is not acceptable and you will be expecting excellent behaviour reports from now on. Rewards if they do sanctions if they don't

[Memina]

I agree with mama2three there is always a reason for disruptive behaviour, whether it be bored, struggling, problems at home, or they have just got in a bad mood. Doing flips in the classroom could actually be dangerous if he was to catch another child.

You need to work with school and tell them that their behaviour is not acceptable and you will be expecting excellent behaviour reports from now on. Rewards if they do sanctions if they don't

Oh trust me we have come down on him so tough. He's been sitting at the table every morning during halfterm doing worksheets and activities. He's had no DS no Wii no tablet and especially no football camp!

I did question the teacher why it had taken her 7 weeks to bring his behaviour to our attention.

Last school year his report said "he's the epitome of politeness" so I know he knows how to behave.

[Maza]

I agree with fussy and mama2three. I was getting very disheartened reading everyone else's responses. There is no excuse for behaviour like that.
We would be the first to blame the parents if a child was acting up whilst in our care. His teacher is young - tough! Your daughter is not going to be the only child born in September who has spent a year in pre-school already, so again, no excuses. They are not going to be the only bright children in the class. I think you need to check on his behaviour daily with his teacher, not weekly. Has your son apologised to the class teacher?

Sorry if I sound harsh.

[lizduncan72]

I agree with fussy and mama2three. I was getting very disheartened reading everyone else's responses. There is no excuse for behaviour like that.
We would be the first to blame the parents if a child was acting up whilst in our care. His teacher is young - tough! Your daughter is not going to be the only child born in September who has spent a year in pre-school already, so again, no excuses. They are not going to be the only bright children in the class. I think you need to check on his behaviour daily with his teacher, not weekly. Has your son apologised to the class teacher?

Sorry if I sound harsh.

I have to agree with this too. My son is also very clever, he sat his maths Standard Grade exam two years early this summer and got the highest grade in his year and is top of his class in all other subjects, however he knows that if he doesn't behave in class he will be in serious trouble at home and I've told the school that I want to be told immediately of any problems not wait until parents night. He wouldn't dare misbehave at school because he knows there will be major consequences for him. That's not to say he's an angel at home-he can be a horror at times but he knows I will not accept any bad behaviour when he is at school or anywhere he is under someone else's care

[dawn100]

It's frustrating when teachers wait a long time before informing you as you can't mind read and I assume all is ok in school unless they tell you otherwise, my eldest is at secondary and is a very well behaved pupil in all lessons except one and the first we knew about was a phone call home to say he was on the verge of being removed from all future lessons in that subject and work in isolation for the rest of the year. Well to say I was furious with my son and in shock was an understatement, the teacher was surprised I was so in shock, I said how was I meant to know what his behaviour was like as I'd never been informed, the have a student diary which I have to sign every week but she had put nothing in there so he had worked out he was getting away with it! I had strong words with him and was in weekly email contact with her I didn't remove any privalages from him straight away but said if I heard any more reports of bad attitude then they would be removed until his behaviour improved, well never had to remove any as in her words 'he was like a new child'.
Maybe especially as your son is bright has worked out he's been getting away with it, so I would be asking for regular updates from his teacher about his behaviour.

[dawn100]

I don't think everyone was saying his behaviour was acceptable, well I know I wasn't, but its a joint responsibility if a child is very bright they need to be challenged in school so they don't get too easily bored but it is also the parents responsibility to make the child aware of what is and isn't acceptable behaviour.
If we had a disruptive child we would be expecting to work together with parents both looking at what we could do to channel them but also expecting parents to help with their childs behaviour when at home, we wouldn't just expect parents to sort the problem.

[Samijanec]

I know this feeling only too well, my youngest is really clever and acts in the same way as your daughter is doing, he refuses to comply with anyone and says no all the time! it's so frustrating isnt it..