mouldy lunchbox?!

[Koala]

Good for you JayKay. I am sure it will make a difference to mum, I understand how hard it can be to broach subjects with parents particularly when it is critisizing how they are bringing up their children - so good for you for plucking up the courage in the first place to ask all us' know it alls' what we think and having to deal with all our suggestions, some quite harsh.

The healthy lunch box ideas leaflet sounds like a good idea. And giving the kid a good wash wouldn't go a miss either, sometimes a little help for some folk is worth a lot of pitty and critisism! Just be aware of safeguarding issues and that you have permission to bath children if "they get dirty" not sure how that falls in your region, I know I have written permission in my contracts.

I hope it all works out for you and mummy gets the hint sometimes we don't know what goes on behind closed doors, sometimes simple things like not been able to afford to turn the hot water on for washing clothes or bathing or the heating on to warm us after a bath can be the reason for being dirty to our personal standards. Don't let mum use you as a mug though but at the end of the day you are helping the lo and this is what is important but at any time if things get too much or you are concerned you must must seek help and support to safeguard yourself.

Take care

[supermumy]

Sorry if this comes across offish not meant to offend

But you have had this child since 5months old an now over 2 and you have never said to mum about changing soup everyday? Or that his pack lunch or bottle was bootle was dirty after all this time?
Could you not supply a piece of fruit a day and put the fee in your books

I agree with above that I wouldn't say dirty ears or maybe nappy smelling as neglect but maybe she has just become lazy in a routine etc

As for the comment your waiting for you bathroom to be fixed than you will put the child in the bath for a good scrub ( as a parent I wouldn't be about this! ) surely a chat with mum is more needed ESP after all the years you have had the child.

[chriss]

From what you say, it is neglect. Mum is failing to properly care for her child and showing inadequate levels of hygeine. You say he has mucky nails, I would be washing them before meals, and use a nail brush to properly clean them. Its not hygenic to eat with hands like that. I would be washing the lunch box and bottle too. You need to say to mum, hope you dont mind, but I washed out his lunch box and washed his hands n nails because they were dirty, and you didnt want him to be ill. Sounds like you have to be quite blunt. All the other stuff would concern me too, one thing on its own is not too much of a worry, but theres quite a list here.

Talk to your advisor, you cannot leave it, you are the childs voice, and would be neglecting your duty if you stand by and do nothing. You said the house is ok, when did you last visit, and am sure you didnt look in every room, so who knows how this child is living.

And just one thing, If it were me, I would not be putting this child in the bath, as much as I wanted to. Its a short term solution to an ongoing problem. Please seek further advice.

And let us know what advice you get, as its also a learning opportunity, if, God forbid, we are in a similar situation.

[mrs owl]

omg do you really think i should report her?! i like koalas idea of sending him and his things home sparkling clean (and have in fact been considering doing this for a while). another thing i forgot to mention, is that he has recurrent infected excema on his body, now i know anyone can get this but can it be exasperated by the whole unclean thing? x

What a terrible situation for you to be in! Big hug! Well I must admit I also thought koalas idea a good one too! That is probably my first reaction. I have had children arriving in summer dresses in the winter and wearing their breakfast! I have changed their clothes and mentioned it light heatedly to mum at home time. The summer dress incident was because the little minder was allowed to chose what to wear in the morning!

However what you are experiencing is a catalogue of disasters and you need to log it and talk to the childminder support worker if you don't want to go straight to social services. The health issues here need to be addressed urgently hun. Hope you get this sorted x

[little chickee]

I too would have washed the lunch bag and bottle and casually mentioned it to mum.

I would not be reporting to anyone just yet. I think you need to be blunt, hard as that may be, and tell mum that child is dirty etc.
Give her the chance to sort it out. Help her, support her but get it sorted out.

And regarding the soup every day, ok same soup every day for 2 years is odd but my 10yo son has a home dinner every school day and will 3 or 4 days out of 5 ask for lentil and bacon soup, which i have to puree cos he doecn't like lumpy soup. He of course eats plenty of normal lumpy foods, just doesnt like chunky soup. As long as you think he might be getting some variety for breakfast and tea i don't see this as a problem although i suspect that this may not be the case.

Parents are clearly not doing a 100% good job and however much they love their son this is neglect - unintentional but still neglect.

[AdeleMarie88]

omg do you really think i should report her?! i like koalas idea of sending him and his things home sparkling clean (and have in fact been considering doing this for a while). another thing i forgot to mention, is that he has recurrent infected excema on his body, now i know anyone can get this but can it be exasperated by the whole unclean thing? x

Of course it is!! I would talk to her, give her a list of things to do, clean lunchbox, have a bath, clean bottle, so on and so on, and see how she gets on with this. If there is no change, then report her!

[emma04]

I cared for a child with absolutely everything that you mentioned!
Filthy dummy, stained clothes, baby bag full of grime - every time I pulled a nappy out lots of other vile things followed it!!!
Child was smelly and hair was dirty.
Food was nuggets and sauce, sauce and nuggets

I knew mum and dad, both were fantastic people and loved child immensely, but were very lazy, common sense was non existent and level of forethought was a big fat zero!!!

This is what I did!

Bought new dummies for my house!
Gathered spare clothes from friends and my own dd! Placed child in spares whilst I laundered her own TWICE - mum got the hint (or was it granny!!)
Handed mum an empty baby bag, telling her that I would provide my own and request nappies when necessary! Problem solved
Bathed and powdered child ONCE or twice
Washed child's hair and placed it in bunches (I bought the bobbles!) EVERY DAY - until mum began doing it herself!
Wrote in diary foods child ate - very healthy, veg, meat and fruit etc! - diet never changed and hasn't to this day (lo now 6!) but she has school lunches (phew!!)

Mum eventually got the hang of everything when child's gums began bleeding! Mum asked if I could take her to the doctors, I instigated the appointment as I knew what it was. I took her, doctor was astounded, diagnosed gum disease through poor dental hygiene! Unbeknown to me, doctor flagged it and mum was summoned by the health visitor!

Moral of the story....make your own subtle effort to improve things, see if mum takes heed. If not SPELL it out!
If serious neglect is possible, speak with DO or SS to get advice.
Reporting loving parents that are just plain lazy is not appropriate, guiding them is a better response.

Ps. If mum had moaned about anything that I did, my actions would've been spelt out LOUD AND CLEAR! I'm here for the child first! Parent second!

[playdayz]

koala, where i live there is no 2 year check (that i have to do) and no eyfs and all that paperwork etc that you all have to do in the uk, although we do have governing bodies within the government i can speak to if necessary. i don't think there's anything else to tell you with regard to this situation, what i've said is pretty much it i think. singing cactus, i haven't only just noticed he's been eating the same meal for the last 2 years! i meant i'd only just thought of it when talking about his situation on this thread, and i wasn't saying dirty fingernails/earwax/smelly body etc was neglect, i was just trying to paint an overall picture of the situation. so since i last posted, the lunchbox has been bleached and then sent through the washing machine, all his bottles/cups etc have been washed. she will no doubt notice when she takes his lunchbox out of his bag that is is soaking wet! but clean! you never know, that alone might shame her into keeping it clean! i am going to call the gov department tomorrow and ask them to they have any healthy lunchbox type leaflets i can have to hand out to all. my bathroom is in the middle of being replaced but when i have a bath again (sooooon please god, nightmare without it lol) i am going to launch him through the bath for a thorough wash and scrub and send him home smelling as sweet as a baby. if these hints are not enough then i am going to say something to her, no other choice then really, thanks for all your advice ladies x

I looked after a child who was coming with mouldy lunch box and very dirty uniform which she was sleeping in with that nights dinner down the front I called social care as mum took no notice of any of my comments or suggestions I made, I said to social care I just wanted to wash everything and they told me we should never do that as we could be hiding possible abuse, an when child was going to school clean if I cleaned her an the lunch box school would pick up on anything as I would had hidden it I understand that u want the child to be clean an safe but if u find his care starts to slip at home again please don't clean anthing ! I would just give them the full lunch box back and tell them you could feed him what they sent due to condition of the lunch box so you made him lunch, an ask them to clean it or buy a new one as you will not accept it in that condition. Hope things do change for the child good luck

[Lottie]

Sounds like neglect to me. Parents can be the most loving in the world and still be neglectful. Hope you get this sorted out quickly.

[jaykay79]

well, the lunchbox went home blatantly dripping wet in it's carrier bag after i'd washed it and came back dry as a bone (mum obviously noticed therefore and popped it on radiator) so she knows full well it was washed by me. we will see now if she keeps it up or whether the mould returns. baby bottles i had so beautifully cleaned are now filthy again so i am continuing to not use them and provide him with a beaker of mine as besides anything, he is too old for a baby bottle, it'll make his teeth go all weird. he in himself is still as dirty as before and i have no idea whether or not i should bathe him based on various mixed advice (no bath still here until my plumber pulls his finger out) x

[little chickee]

Have you told parent that you are not using the bottles ? If not i think you should say so. Just not using them is skirting round the issue when in fact it needs dealt with. Its all very well that he is being look after properly at yours , using a clean cup etc but the problem at home NEEDS to be addressed.

[AdeleMarie88]

It's about time you are very blunt I think.

You need to tell mom you are not using the bottles, 1. because they are filthy, and 2. because he is too old for bottles now anyway.

I would then tell her that children need bathing every day. This is to prevent illness, but also odours. She won't want to hear it, but it's better coming from you , than Social Services. I would also say that his lunchbox needs to be emptied, cleaned, and dried everyday. But very stern, and follow up with a written list.

If she does not fullfill the list after a couple of days I would call Social Services, you cannot tiptoe around this anymore, it is just prolonging the little boys misery!

Please stay firm, we are all behind you x

[vals]

Part of our training is about knowing what to do if we suspect any form of neglect. We are not meant to try and resolve these issues ourselves, we are meant to pass it onto the experts. If a parent is struggling, they will help them and support them. There could be things that you don't know about the family, but social services will. If something happens and it is found that you didn't report it, you may get into trouble yourself.

[migimoo]

Not much to add that hasn't been said-I personally wouldn't call SS about this as I have experience of this-LO with dirty/torn/undersized clothes,same lunch every day for 2 yrs in a dirty lunch bag,unbrushed hair every day and she smelled.

As others have done I bathed her when the smell put me off cuddling her and washed clothes hoping mum would be embarrassed....no such luck,she just said "oh lovely-thanks!"-this was a very bright,confident and secure child who was very loved but mum was just a bit lazy and not very clean at home (a friend of a friend so I had background info if u like,no depression,lots of support at home)

It used to really upset me but I think I just came to accept that not everyone has the same level of hygiene as myself.

I would tell mum about the bottles and maybe offer to provide food for a small charge?

[supermumy]

If bottles are now coming back dirty I would say nx time oh I used a beaker today as I see you didn't have time to wash mindee bottles an they was sticky and see what they say?

As for dirty child I do think there is no beating around the bush about this maybe mention you can start to smell the wee of nappy etc
As I feel if you do start to wash te child it may be solving the problem at yours but not at home and on the whole x

[Mrs Pootle]

Have you been able to talk to mum yet about all these issues? I know it must be very daunting for you to bring up the subject of cleanliness, but it really needs doing. Good luck with mum.