Gifts - where do you draw the line?

**Nicola Carlyle** · 25-10-2013, 07:21 AM

Just wondered what everyone's thought were. As a professional working with children (childminder, nursery, primary school, secondary school etc), what becomes an inappropriate gift? Just wondered if anyone has experience of lavish really unnecessary gifts and how did you respond to it. I mean most people receive the usual bottle of plonk and chocs and I'm sure most of you would agree that the thought is lovely and it's wonderful to be appreciated but what becomes uncomfortable to accept or really shouldn't be if you what I mean? Spa days, expensive vouchers, concert tickets...................... Would love your thoughts guys.

**hectors house** · 25-10-2013, 07:58 AM

I have had some lovely presents over the years - voucher for a massage, expensive perfume (although the cynic in me wondered if it was an unwanted present), when a little one left for school last year after being with me nearly 4 years his parents gave me a £20 Odeon voucher and a £25 meal voucher - last year for Xmas I had a lovely cake stand. One leaving for school this year gave me 5 personalised "Hector's House" high viz vests (I had mentioned getting some plain ones) and a lovely book for me to share with children. Mostly like you say it is wine, smellies, chocolate, biscuits, jewellery etc.

Why do you ask - has a parent given you a present that is a little over the top?

**eddie** · 25-10-2013, 08:15 AM

I tend to get the run of the mill things, flowers, chocs etc although one of my parents buys me a £30 next voucher for Christmas but I really push the boat out for this family as have had some personal problems etc so it is nice to know my work is appreciated.

I can't think of a limit I would find inappropriate really, if the parents want to show their appreciation that's great.

**karen m** · 25-10-2013, 08:26 AM

Over the years I have the usual chocolates, flowers , biscuits . One family a couple of years ago gave both myself and husband £30 each of next vouchers , husband was often at home and would help with air fix models etc , they boys were 10 and 8

**bindy** · 25-10-2013, 08:30 AM

Last year one parent paid the fee for my 2 weeks off at Christmas. Worked out at £528! Normally it's a box of chocolates or a small gift voucher for M and S which is much appreciated too, some don't bother giving anything, which is OK too. When I worked has a nanny, I got a months bonus every year! The teachers got amazing gifts, a lot of competition going on!

**jackie 7** · 25-10-2013, 08:43 AM

Normally I get wine etc but last Christmas I hot a bag of goodies from where mum worked shower get etc. then she said she had put something into my bank account. £200.!!!! And yes I took it I said thank you.

**emma04** · 25-10-2013, 09:41 AM

Blimey! I'm lucky if I get a thank you from some parents.

Just had a child leave and presented family with her extensive LJ and DVD with photos on all set to music! Took me ages to make! Still not heard a bean from them about any of it!! Didn't get a leaving gift or card.
It's not about the gift or the card really, it's just the feeling of not being appreciated that gets to me a bit!!

**Mummits** · 25-10-2013, 11:01 AM

I usually get reasonably modest gifts, but I also agree that it is the thought that counts. Someone who gets a little gift but one that shows they have noticed what you like or spent time making something with the children is showing their appreciation in a thoughtful way, but also being sensitive to the fact that you might be embarrassed by a costly gift which you could not afford to match. I have found that parents who have had nannies in the past tend to give more expensive gifts (vouchers etc). I don't think this is necessarily because they have more money to spend, but nanny friends have told me that it is commonplace to give the nanny large gifts at Christmas, birthday etc and annual cash bonuses, so maybe they are still in that mindset.

**AdeleMarie88** · 25-10-2013, 12:04 PM

I get some lovely bits, but my absolute fav, was a homemade candle from the local candle factory, and the little boy had filled it with cinnamon and nutmeg because he remembered me saying how I love the smell of Xmas. It prob cost less than £5 but it brought a tear to my eye! The thought definitely counts the most!

**Koala** · 25-10-2013, 12:32 PM

I like all the pressies I get and would love some inappropriate, excessive gifts for working a 55+ hour week never been off sick or having a lunch break, for wiping bums noses and sick up, picking up the pieces of a stressful drop off, providing spare clothes, good food, entertainment, support and advice, bring it on shower me with goodies.

**cathtee** · 25-10-2013, 12:32 PM

I've had some beatiful gifts, a watch, 2 gold necklaces, one parent asked what i drank and i listed all that i liked, opened xmas day and
had 5 normal sized bottles of said list

and vouchers for a wine tasting day and back massage and facial.

I think if a parent wants to show their appreciation then I will accept.

**Nicola Carlyle** · 25-10-2013, 12:37 PM

I am asking because a friend of mine (also a childminder) received a spa day for her and her two assistants (only a few hours but very expensive) as a thank you recently and while they are very appreciative of it they are shouting it from the rooftops and it's making other parents very uncomfortable. Not so much the gift itself but the fact they are publicly acknowledging it and its making them feel their gifts (the usual items but still very much appreciated in my opinion) are very inadequate and almost laughed at. I just wondered what everyone else's experiences were like that's all.

**eddie** · 25-10-2013, 12:51 PM

Originally Posted by Nicola Carlyle

I am asking because a friend of mine (also a childminder) received a spa day for her and her two assistants (only a few hours but very expensive) as a thank you recently and while they are very appreciative of it they are shouting it from the rooftops and it's making other parents very uncomfortable. Not so much the gift itself but the fact they are publicly acknowledging it and its making them feel their gifts (the usual items but still very much appreciated in my opinion) are very inadequate and almost laughed at. I just wondered what everyone else's experiences were like that's all.

I think it's very unfair to make other parents feel bad like that. I never say ooh look what so and so bought me, I wouldn't make it obvious like that.

**FussyElmo** · 25-10-2013, 01:02 PM

Originally Posted by Nicola Carlyle

I am asking because a friend of mine (also a childminder) received a spa day for her and her two assistants (only a few hours but very expensive) as a thank you recently and while they are very appreciative of it they are shouting it from the rooftops and it's making other parents very uncomfortable. Not so much the gift itself but the fact they are publicly acknowledging it and its making them feel their gifts (the usual items but still very much appreciated in my opinion) are very inadequate and almost laughed at. I just wondered what everyone else's experiences were like that's all.

Sorry to say this about your friend but I think it says more about her than the parent who gave them.
None of my parents know what the others get me because it doesn't matter if its a simple thank you or a luxury food hamper

**Nicola Carlyle** · 25-10-2013, 01:10 PM

That's what I thought to. Think it wouldn't have been an issue if she hadn't been so public with her thank you's. After all it has nothing to do with anyone else.

**k1rstie** · 25-10-2013, 02:46 PM

What a parent gives or doesn't give should be between yourself, the parent, then 10 minutes later posted on this forum!!!!!!! Lol

**greanan** · 25-10-2013, 08:35 PM

Originally Posted by emma04

Blimey! I'm lucky if I get a thank you from some parents. Just had a child leave and presented family with her extensive LJ and DVD with photos on all set to music! Took me ages to make! Still not heard a bean from them about any of it!! Didn't get a leaving gift or card. It's not about the gift or the card really, it's just the feeling of not being appreciated that gets to me a bit!!

That's exactly how I feel - it's just so nice to know out work is appreciated. It shouldn't but it does annoy me when the older ones teachers get amazing personalised pressie and I can't even be paid on time or given a thank youx

**clairer** · 25-10-2013, 08:49 PM

I can't imagine a gift that is inappropriately large but then I have only ever received flowers or chocolates, or sweets for my own children. I say only, I don't mean it that way, it's lovely to be in a job where gifts are given, it's very sweet and brings a tear to my eye.

I had a child leave recently after almost two years and I didn't even receive a card, to be unappreciated cuts to the core.

**dawn100** · 25-10-2013, 09:41 PM

Last christmas I had a parent say to me as collecting on Christmas Eve "was going to get you flowers but haven't had time and well no one buys me flowers as a thank you for me doing my job so don't really know why I should be buying you any gifts" I don't expect to be bought anything, just a genuine thank you and to wish me happy christmas would of made my day, I'd had her lo on Christmas Eve as an extra so she could finish off her christmas shopping, but the way she said it to me felt like I'd been slapped in the face! However I have another mum who is always ever so grateful, I'll happily accept any sign of appreciation, gifts or just a genuine thank you.

**beachgirl29** · 26-10-2013, 07:19 AM

I don't expect a gift and sometimes i am lucky if i get a thank you. I have had cake and chocolates as leaving gifts but at Christmas i get cards.
I get all my mindees a little gift at Christmas usually a book or snow globe. I don't mind if they parents don't get me anything i enjoy my week off at Christmas.

I get the parents who expect me to have no life and when i do say no to something complain that's usually my gift! but the odd few who are lovely.