Wary mum
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  1. #1
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    Default Wary mum

    I have been looking after an 8 month old baby for 6 weeks. Baby is very happy, smiley and content. Good routine as well. However i have a sense of wariness from the mum which comes across more in the emails then in the verbal communications. She is missing baby a lot and wants lots of feedback about baby in email. I provide a nightly email with details of babies meals, sleep, a few things of what she did. Also some verbal feedback as well. I don't want to spend ages after a long day writing lengthy reports. Also the wariness is making me uncomfortable. I am going to ask her to a meeting this week to review the past 6 weeks and have a discussion about her demands and her feelings. I feel she is a bit confused, she seems happy child settled but a bit jealous of this and also I
    get the feeling that she thinks childminders are not to be trusted. Has anyone been in this situation?

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    I have been in a similar situation and it ended badly.

    I think a meeting will be good. You can clear the air. Then hopefully you can carry on from a position where you are both comfortable.

    I would say have notes written so you dont forget anything you want to say. Just be mindful that if she thinks cms arent to be trusted she might take what you say badly.

    Keep us updated with whatever you decide to do.

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    I think a meeting is a good idea.
    You need to establish whether she trusts you or not and if not...

    I personally couldn't work with a family who didn't trust me, it leaves us very vulnerable to false accusations, working alone.

    In the meantime, or possibly as a suggestion in the meeting, could you send photos at intervals through the day, so mum can be reassured that lo is ok? Obviously this would be a pain long term though, but might help ease her mind a little.

    I think I'd be inclined to suggest a period of time for the trust to improve, with a review and possible termination/notice at the end of that...

    Good luck, hope it goes well

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    I had a mum that didn't trust my judgement when looking after her baby. She had me absolutely paranoid and made me feel I had to explain everything. I am so glad she left.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Goatgirl View Post
    I think a meeting is a good idea.
    You need to establish whether she trusts you or not and if not...

    I personally couldn't work with a family who didn't trust me, it leaves us very vulnerable to false accusations, working alone.

    In the meantime, or possibly as a suggestion in the meeting, could you send photos at intervals through the day, so mum can be reassured that lo is ok? Obviously this would be a pain long term though, but might help ease her mind a little.

    I think I'd be inclined to suggest a period of time for the trust to improve, with a review and possible termination/notice at the end of that...

    Good luck, hope it goes well
    I am having a meeting tonight I suggested it when she came in this morning. She got worried about what meeting about I said to review and see if everything ok and going well. I have made notes for discussion. Hope it goes well.

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    Good luck with the meeting, hope it helps

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    I find first time ms worse. I text during day and reduce it as weeks go on. A talk with would bd good. Ask her how shd is finding it at work,tell her you know how hard it is for parents etc. they do find it hard but I remind them that if their child is happy then that is all that matters. If is a part oc the job we all learn. The time spent settling the parents is important. Yes I did mean settling the parents.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jackie 7 View Post
    I find first time ms worse. I text during day and reduce it as weeks go on. A talk with would bd good. Ask her how shd is finding it at work,tell her you know how hard it is for parents etc. they do find it hard but I remind them that if their child is happy then that is all that matters. If is a part oc the job we all learn. The time spent settling the parents is important. Yes I did mean settling the parents.
    it is hard for some parents, esp when the child settles well, as it makes them feel worse somehow. I always tell the parents that it shows what a fantastic mum/dad they are, that the child is so confident and secure, that they have settled well with someone else. and also emphasise that they will always be the most important person in that's childs life, regardless of how much time they spend with a childminder/or what that childminder does with them.

    good luck

    xx

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    One thing that I have found quite helpful is asking parents for a photograph of themselves to have for the baby to look at (I've found some lovely fabric photo albums). Good luck with your meeting!

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    Quote Originally Posted by sing-low View Post
    One thing that I have found quite helpful is asking parents for a photograph of themselves to have for the baby to look at (I've found some lovely fabric photo albums). Good luck with your meeting!
    I make photo books too and the babies love them. I print off and laminate their family photos and put the together on a key ring. They know which one is theirs and mums love it when I tell them baby has been pointing saying mama all day.

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    Lovely idea with the Key ring
    Do you make those from a kit or are you just a
    Very crafty so and so?
    'It's never too late to have a happy childhood' ( Tom Robinson)

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    I have been in a similar situation. Baby started at 6 months. I felt she always had issues with me and didnt trust me, comments like 'oh you dont just leave her in a bouncer all morning' (at the toddler group) as if I would, along with a lot other comments. She didnt come all summer holidays and we decided to get a new puppy to keep our dog company, updated my pet policy, did a risk assessment, dogs kept completely seperate at all times and have a pen in garden but it created all sorts of problems. They handed in their Notice and tomorrow is the first week without her.

    Dont really have any advice but it is hard with first time parents, I know exactly how you feel x

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    The meeting went really well. Mum missing her baby, happy with placement but wants to know more about what baby doing. Eg are we talking to baby,reading books. She is a nursery nurse and I am ex teacher would have thought she knew I am capable but hey ho. Also loves her job but very tired and baby wakes a few times at night. Explained baby happy, she gets photos each night. But she wants less info about child's diet etc and more about what baby doing. Worried baby not yet sitting etc. she got a bit emotional and she was worried she had upset me I was honest and said I felt I wasn't trusted, that she seemed wary. No just a bit shy and wanting to be with baby. Mum reassured and sent lovely email. Feel much better and will do regular meetings with this parent to make sure everything ok. I think I was taken aback by her as my other parents you can't get them out and they trust me totally to look after their children

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    8m so glad it went well. Good on you for conducting a very constructive meeting x

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    Well done for your honesty! I have had two parents like this .. One had had a string of nannies that didnt work out and one really wanted to be home with her kids but couldn't afford to., the first one had worked out really well with time she has realised I am trustworthy! She is really appreciative and admiring of the good job I do I now look after her second baby. The other one never settled , baby was difficult because she was spoilt rotten at home out of guilt, mum used to text me at 11pm to see if her bib was here this kind of stuff was
    Very claustraphobic, it ended badly in the end as the relationship had broken down.

    Sounds like you will be fine with this
    As long as you keep
    The communication open

    Good luck!

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    Glad you were both honest about how you were feeling and hopefully now you can both move forward and hope the relationship works out now. Seems this mum needs lots of reassurance but then each family and person is different

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    That all sounds very positive and hopefully mum will feel a bit better now it's all be spoken about.

    I had one mum years ago who was incredibly anxious. It's hard not to take it personally when they seem to be questioning your ability (eg. I'd get texts asking me to make sure I strapped her daughter in the pushchair when we went out!), but the issue really is with their ability to let go, not with your ability as a childcarer.
    It took a lot of working at with this mum, but over time she relaxed and, by the time I started to look after her 2nd child, she was one of the most laid back parents I had!

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    That is wonderful. Now mum knows you really card about her and her family. As a nanny I never worried about this but soon realised how much I had to support the parents. I bet she feels better sfter getting it out in the open.

 

 

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