Really pushing the boundaries! Losing the will to live!
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  1. #1
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    Default Really pushing the boundaries! Losing the will to live!

    So my little girl mindee, formerly known as my little angel, is now turning in to a little terror!

    She used to be such a great little eater, always tried new food, didn't always like it, but at least she always tried it. Now just lately getting her to eat anything is a challenge, she will sit at the dinner table crying at her food, if I go to feed her, she is okay-ish, but I refuse to fall in to that trap, so I will give her one or two mouthfuls to guage if she is actually not hungry or playing about, I then give her, her cutlery, for her to throw it down and cry!

    She used to be excellent at tidying up the toys, I would say "Right, let's get these put away!" and she would put everything away, in the right boxes, now she just stands there crying and screaming! I have to get quite cross with her before she actually puts anything away.

    She used to be a great little walker, loving walking about anywhere, always wanting to get out the pushchair, which I didn't mind at all. We ditched the pushchair for her ages ago. Now she cries and moans about walking and often screams on the school run, one day I had a baby in the chair and she refused to walk, so I had to carry her... Yes carry her and push a pushchair at the same time!

    Little thiings she is doing now, like refusing to carry her lunchbox to playschool and screaming! I do not give in and tell her it is her lunchbox so she can carry it... What did she do? Threw it in the road and screamed!

    She turned 3 in August and this is her last year with me as she starts school next September... Things are rapidly going down hill... Any advice?

  2. #2
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    sorry i dont have any advice, just wanted to send you hugs x

  3. #3
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    How long as this been being going on ?

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    May be a little phase seeing what she can get away with. At this age shes starting to test the boundaries. Have a word with mum see if her behaviour has changed at home. Maybe she has done this with her parents and they have given in quite easily so shes constantly seeing if you will do the same. I feel for you. Atm i have a 9 month old who constantly screams and refuses to sleep. I had to turn yet another enquiry down this morning because i camt possibly take on another child when this baby is taking me from my own children never mind another mindee x

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  6. #5
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    Sounds like my very own little girl at the moment. She's 2.5 years. No advice other than don't rise to it. My little girl will scream in my face to see if she can get a reaction which she doesn't. I just ignore it an move away to play with someone/something else. When she's having one if these moments I will get down to her level, ask her to look at me and explain what I need her to do. So if she was throwing lunch box on the ground I'd pick it up, get down to her level and say just what you do that it's hers and she needs to carry it. If she throws it away again I will make her hold it by putting it in her hand, holding her hand over the top of it with my had clasped over that then walk her with me and the pushchair.

    Most mornings at the moment I have my own screaming on the walk to school regardless if weather she's in or out if the pushchair so I take all matters of choice away from her. She doesn't get to choose if she walks or sits etc. I am beginning to see done improvement in her behaviour. I think she just needs to understand that there are some things she can choose what to do and others there is no choice and she must do as I say (like when crossing roads etc). I have had to be very firm with her but it is working.

    Not saying it would work for everyone but it's starting to for me.

  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zoomie View Post
    How long as this been being going on ?
    Since about September time. I have had mindee for just over two years, I cared for her brother until September when he started school, and this is my last year with her. (She will be the youngest in her class, late Aug b/day)

    There has quite a bit of change for her, she has gone from being with me most the time, with either my son or her brother there and only going to playschool 2 days a week, to not having her brother anymore at all, or my son during school hours, also now does 3 half days at playschool and 1 full day, also I have just taken on a little baby one day a week.

    Mindee and I have a lot of one on one time together to do things, she is just getting so difficult to deal with, not to metion how embarrassing it is when you are in the playground, everyone knows you are a minder and the only child you have with you is having an almight temper tantrum...

  8. #7
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    I feel for you. it's so hard to deal with. The poor little mite has had a lot of change to deal with. If her hours have increased alot at pre-school she may be overtired too, which won't help. Al you can do is offer her lots of reassurance when she needs it.
    When she kicks off do you explain to her how you think she is feeling and that it is okay to feel that way, but we do still have to ...walk to school.. carry lunch box...tidy up ann eat etc?
    She is probably kicking off because thats all she feels she has control over atm.
    Stand your ground, make sure she still does as you have asked-no matter how loud she gets! I find explaining everything as we go along really helps, also letting her know in advance what is going to happen and how she needs to behave, let her know you still love her and hopefully it will settle down quickly.
    Is there any way you can give her a few 'extra special' things to do/someone or something to look after around the house, or for your other mindee's? Just to make her feel loved and secure in your setting still?

  9. #8
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    I have that from my little girl , she is pushing the boundaries and seeing what she can get away with. (Monkey girl) I do the same as previous post. Tell her firmly what I need her to do she has 2 chances and if she still strops then Jeff choices are taken away. For eg. Today she wanted me to carry her but I have a tandem pushchair and is too heavy to negotiate one handed so I gave her the chance to walk holding hands or sit in the pushchair, she didn't stop her tantrum or choose so I put her in her pushchair and ignored the screaming. She soon calmed down and we had a little talk about it. It is awful when people look at you and you wonder what they are thinking especially as they might know you are a Childminder.
    You just have to stick to your guns and enforce your rules. She sounds like she is testing the waters
    Good luck x

    Ja-Lula-Bell*****minding

  10. #9
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    You poor thing. I know what it's like. I think as long as you deliver consequences to her actions she will come out of it. It's only been a month or so but I know it can feel like an eternity when they become hard work. All my older preschoolers have started school now and I now all my preschoolers are 1 year olds which is blissful. They all nap in the afternoon and no one can answer back yet lol (but they'll all hit tantrum phase at the same time which will be fun).

    I previously looked after a little boy for 2 years and when he was about 3 he went through a similar phase. They must know that school run is our most stressful part of the day and choose then to kick off.
    He used to refuse to leave the house at times, and would throw himself on the floor in the street and refuse to budge. So I stopped letting him walk, which meant not getting out of the buggy full stop until we were home. Like everyone has said, take away the choices. He was a nutter in the buggy and would actually kick out at people walking past lol. Sooo embarrassing!
    So once we'd got the bigger kids, and they would skip ahead having fun, (on the off road bits) race to the lamp posts and when we'd stop to play on the park, he would then want to get out.
    So one day I was so fed up of him being such a pain I said no. Instead of playing on the park with the others I made him stay in the buggy. I told him it was because he couldn't walk nicely so I couldn't possible trust him on the park. He wasn't at all happy about that lol.
    The next day I asked him if he would like to show me how nicely he can walk to school and bingo!
    Took the buggy with me the first few times just incase, and the second he acted up, he was back in there for the remainder of the trip. One strike and out.
    Before long we were back to walking co operatively.


    Maybe find a consequence for not doing as she's asked, and a reward for walking nicely.
    Good luck x x x
    Blondes have more fun!

  11. #10
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    It's such a shame when the good guys turn bad lol! Keep doing what your doing with her, she's testing the boundaries as she's getting older and staying firm will help her realise them and stick to them
    I'm sure you're doing a great job, just keep at it, and remember to praise her for the positives xxx
    Kelly xx

  12. #11
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    Ooh, I so could have written that post about the mindee I have! She was a little dream for the first few weeks and then turned into a horror! She's learning though...after many tantrums she's learned no more toys out til those are away so she's getting better at tidying up. However, if I ask her to do something she will say no, if I reply with yes she will say no again, and it goes on a couple of times with her getting louder and louder until she just starts screaming, crying, jumping up and down etc!

    We had a tantrum at nappy change this morning and she actually went away down the stairs with no nappy on! She got to the bottom, stood and whimpered for a bit and then came back up to get her nappy on was actually quite funny but also so unneeded and stupid at the same time!!

    Another weird thing I've found...if she's out of the pushchair walking, she pretty much refuses to hold my hand and I have to force her but if we're just out walking with no pushchair she's constantly looking for my hand!

    I noticed today (after a week off last week) that she actually said yes to me for the first time ever!!! She usually just nods/shakes her head or says no. She even said "okay" when I told her to get her juice bottle and sit at the table for snack time. I was gobsmacked!!!

 

 

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