Mindee's parents want my son to stay over

**lizduncan72** · 17-10-2013, 07:08 PM

Two is way too young to be having a sleepover anywhere except possibly granny's house!

**moggy** · 17-10-2013, 07:17 PM

TWO??!! No way, even my 8 yo has never slept at another house other then grandparents. A simple, 'No thank you, very kind of you etc, but he is too young to be away from me/home for so long' and that should be the end of it.

**clareelizabeth1** · 17-10-2013, 07:23 PM

I would definitely say no. My niece is 5 she stayed at mine over night from 2 1/2 but she knew me very well as she was at mine each week. It would never of happened if her mum was not totally exhausted, pregnant and needing to sleep.

I would tell the truth say your just not ready to leave him. After all you are a childminder for a reason.

**serin** · 17-10-2013, 07:34 PM

why do these people put me in this situation?! Sleeping over is not even an option but possibly play date. I'm not even comfortable with that... I will blame my husband but he is actually the main person saying super duper no to anything. I said to husband what about the fact that they have put all their trust into me? and he said thats different its business. Its true, I cant even disagree...

**FussyElmo** · 17-10-2013, 07:42 PM

My ds and dd go to a mindees house for sleepovers and she comes here too. Mindee and ds are 6 and this has been happening since they were about 3 or 4.

Yes I put my trust in them and its mine decision to make.

If you don't want your ds to go then just say no don't make excuses just say no.

I personally think that its lovely that your mum wants to have your child and is thinking she will give you a break. Shows that she appreciates you

**Velleity** · 17-10-2013, 08:05 PM

My son goes to mindees house to sleep over every couple of months but that's very different as my son is seven and their child six.

If there was any issues then my son could tell me x

**line6** · 17-10-2013, 08:29 PM

I don't think id say no because I'd be worried about the parents suitability - any concerns there and it would just be No. But I would be concerned that a 2 year old does not want to stay over in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people. Even play dates at that age usually involve parents don't they?

**chriss** · 17-10-2013, 09:08 PM

I wouldnt even consider it, 2 or 3 is far too young and I would just say that to them, Are they mad lol, I cant believe they would ask, no way would mine stay over except with a very close relative, and that would be because there was a very good reason, not just for fun. Mine didnt have a sleep over till late primary age, and that was with close relatives, to be honest I dont know why you are fretting over it, its a no brainer, listen to your husband

**westbrom44** · 17-10-2013, 11:40 PM

My children were about 10 years old when they went for sleepovers. I wouldnt let my 2 year old visit without me either especially if I felt uncomfortable. I only ever left my children at that age with my parents.

I would just say it is a very kind offer but I cannot accept.

**Mummits** · 18-10-2013, 06:22 AM

I'd say it's very sweet of you to offer but it really wouldn't be a break for us as we'd miss him too much and be fretting the whole time that he'd be missing us! I guess we'll have to face this when he's older but not for a few years yet.

**starlight1** · 18-10-2013, 06:32 AM

Originally Posted by serin

why do these people put me in this situation?! Sleeping over is not even an option but possibly play date. I'm not even comfortable with that... I will blame my husband but he is actually the main person saying super duper no to anything. I said to husband what about the fact that they have put all their trust into me? and he said thats different its business. Its true, I cant even disagree...

I don't think for one minute she was trying to make you feel uncomfortable....like another poster sad it does show she appreciates you.

**samb** · 18-10-2013, 07:00 AM

At 2 even a play date in the day would usually be accompanied by a parent so don't feel bad saying "thank you for your kind offer to give me a break but we've had a think about it and have decided that he is too young" maybe you could go on to say "if you would still like to give me a break I'd love a break from the ironing"?!

**mama2three** · 18-10-2013, 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by Koala

Well I don't think I would let a mindees parents have my son to stay.

Essentially we don't REALLY know anyone and I always air on the side of caution.

If I can tell you I have had things come to light about parents over the years:
One was on anti depresents - seriously clinically depressed
One diagnosed bi polar and sectioned
Several ending up in nasty divorces
Several bursting into tears because their home life has become unbearable.
And these are instances where you would have thought all in the garden was rosie and if I had listened to the gossip there is even more to tell if you catch my drift.

Now all of the above are common occurrences and I do not judge or think badly of people because of it, however I would not put my precious angels in their care and I am sure many mothers would understand.

I think if you are not comfortable you have a responsibility to say NO! tell them why, your children arn't swapsies.

Firstly to the op , shes probably meaning to help , and I would simply say that Dh isn't even comfortable with him going to grandmas so its out of the question for a good while yet!

But Koala , Youre being rather judgemental.
Ive cried all over my friends shoulders on numerous occasions due to my occasionally unbearable home / family life.
Lots of cms on here have had nasty divorces.
Others are on antidepressants.
We aren't any less able to give amazing care to the children , ours or mindees or even our childrens friends who come for playdates and sleepovers.
whilst I agree we never really know anyone and its hard to trust our children to the care of others the examples you've given don't mean the children are at any risk whatsoever.

**little chickee** · 18-10-2013, 07:51 AM

2 is way too young for a sleepover. Why is she insisting on this? To give you a break? Have you told her that you need a break, is she just trying to be helpful? Or does she assume that everybody with a 2 yo must need a break?

I would never have let any of my kids go anywhere overnight unless i had a need for it. Going to a wedding dance etc.

You need to be very firm with this lady. Stop saying you will sort it out and start saying a firm NO.

Be very clear that your son does not need to go on a sleepover. If you would like a bit of "time off" you could suggest she has him for a couple of hours one afternoon. Or better still you could both go to her house for coffee and your 2 kids could play together then you could check her house out and ahe if you would be happy with your son going there.

You need to stop worrying about hurting her feelings and put a lid on this if its not what you want. Sometimes we just need to be blunt with people!

**Cinnamon Sugar** · 18-10-2013, 08:19 AM

Originally Posted by clareelizabeth1

I would tell the truth say your just not ready to leave him. After all you are a childminder for a reason.

I think this is great advice. I would thank her for the kind offer but just say no. If you don't want to go along with your little one you could just say that when you're not working you like to do things together as a family.

**unalindura77** · 18-10-2013, 08:53 AM

I've had to face this situation many a time, not with a mindee's parent though.

My child REFUSES point blank to sleepover anywhere. So I shoot down the suggestions quickly with 'You'll be lucky, doesn't even stay at grannys house, doesn't like sleep overs but she can play for a while and I'll collect her'

You could just be frank and say 'oooh she and I would love that but I'm sorry my husband doesn't let her sleep over anywhere until she's older, which I know is very silly but I know he wont agree' Let him be the bad cop. With that there's nothing she can do or say.

**JCrakers** · 18-10-2013, 10:22 AM

2yrs old is WAY too young for sleeping over at someone else's house. I would say No.

Its just too young to be away from you at night. What's she going to do if he wakes up in the middle of the night and want you?
And it wont be a break for you because you are going to lie awake wondering if hes ok...I can guarantee that

My ds was 7 when he first slept over at a friends house

**primula** · 19-10-2013, 12:00 PM

Bit of a strange request to me?!! Never heard of 2 yr olds having sleepovers?? Also you need to keep a bit of distance as It is a working relationship..

**1sweetpea** · 19-10-2013, 08:34 PM

Aside from your child only being 2 and not knowing them well, you also need to consider the fine line between business and friendship. Would you want mindee to be having sleepovers at your house? Because that may be another knock on effect of him going there is that you will enter a reciprocal, friends helping each other out - which may muddy the boundaries when you also have a paid for childcare arrangement.

I would just say, "Look I have to be honest, neither me or DH are ready to let him sleep out yet, not even at a grandparents so thank you for the kind offer but I can't accept."

My son has slept at one of my mindee's houses and vice versa but when they were older (about 7), I had stopped minding for the family and had become good friends with the family over the years. Neither me nor the parent would have considered it while I was minding for them.